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Stress Management

Why I Need More Therapy Than I’m Getting

By Iria Vasquez-PaezPublished 6 years ago 3 min read

I get anxious and stressed over little things. My whole life is about keeping the anxiety at bay, since it is stuffed into a dark cloud picking at my consciousness, bubbling below the surface. It lurks. My medication helps a lot but I need money to pay for therapy, which can cure me of the feelings. As in, I need really intensive OCD-generalized anxiety therapy. My anxiety pretty much runs my life. Yes, this is bad for me. When my blood sugar is high, I have anxiety. When my blood sugar is low, I have anxiety.

Yes, these are all crazy-making states of being. My talk with somebody yesterday reminds me that I need to get my anxiety better treated despite using the Attacking Anxiety and Depression program from the Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety. My anxiety is pretty pervasive. I have got to find solutions for it this year. I mean big solutions. Cognitive behavioral therapy, among other solutions, need to be found. My anxiety has to have a resolution here. I can’t spend my whole life anxious anymore. Yes, it drives me crazy but I can’t imagine being without it. Although it is kept at bay with my meds, so I’m not a prisoner of it, I can shove my anxiety aside.

I mean, I used to have severe anxiety on public transportation. Now I am mellow and calm on the bus or lightrail. Also, I used to have anxiety with daily living in general, but I have never felt the least anxious since my family moved. I’m a very mellow person now. As in, my anxiety is contained, but I would like to not feel it at all. My hands get sweaty when I have anxiety, and of course, this is something that is a symptom of the problem itself.

Anxiety can be treated quite well with medication but I didn’t have medication as a child, where all this behavior was learned. I wish I had medication back then. I didn’t get any until I was 20. This did me a disservice. I learned all my anxiety. As an adult, I have immense difficulty unlearning it. I remind myself I have treatment for my diabetes in the form of an insulin pump. My pump works 9 times out of 10. My insulin pump is a gift from the gods.

I know that going for a walk can relieve stress as can taking deep breaths. Emotional problems can cause stress as can my mental illness. I’m working on learning how to manage my OCD, for example. My parents moving was a major life change for me, which caused me stress at first. I’m not half as stressed as I used to be. I do write a lot already but certainly not about what bothers me. I don’t like being around untreated mentally ill maniacs because their energy drives me crazy. I prefer stable bipolars to unstable bipolars. I also realize I’m often not myself because of how I do not always express my real feelings.

My family makes me feel like I can’t be myself. I do not always have the energy to do stuff I enjoy on top of that. I’m not always good at focusing on the present either. I had a therapist who taught me how to carve out space for myself inside my head and only for me. As in, my having my own personal blue bubble I can float in, safe, calm, and free from outside influences. Please consider donating to support so I can pay for better therapy. Thanks.


About the Creator

Iria Vasquez-Paez

I have a B.A. in creative writing from San Francisco State. Can people please donate? I'm very low-income. I need to start an escape the Ferengi plan.

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    Iria Vasquez-PaezWritten by Iria Vasquez-Paez

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