Stress, Anxiety, and Suicide

School has started for me this month (which means more stress and anxiety), and with current events continuing to enter our lives, whether we realize it or not, it seems that our reactions to the environment around us could take hold of our thoughts and emotions.

Let's say a stressor arrives at our front door, (maybe it's a virus or perhaps a medicinal liquid), and our reaction to it can do one of two things: it can create anxiety and stress, or it can be looked upon with ease and curiosity.

Sounds simple and very black and white; however, having that calm response may not be possible if stress is rampant in our lives.

If there is stress in our lives, it won't be easy to shift to a calm mindset, nor is it easy to see a light when a person could be so far into a dark tunnel.

I was there a couple years ago, and the mindset I had was built up over years of not addressing my fears, stresses, anxieties, and emotional wellbeing. What can happen - rather, what did happen, was the turmoil embedded itself within me, and the affirmations I spoke to myself revolved around criticism and negativity.

“This is stupid, why am I thinking this?”

“You’re a moron, why are you like this?”

“I’m a damn idiot. No wonder I’m all alone.”

Imagine living in a mental headspace like that, and suddenly, after living in that negative environment, the thing that arrives at our door (whether a virus or a liquid) looks a whole lot scarier and stress-inducing than it most likely is. But that’s hard to see and admit as such, and I get that.

I used to say those affirmations to myself all the time, and many more like them too. I had an unhealthy relationship with myself, and I was content to never confront those thoughts; and instead, distracted myself until I couldn’t distract myself any further.

There are many people that are experiencing this without knowing it, and from my own lived experience, it can be very hard to admit. It took a supportive mother, a supportive therapist, and a supportive friend to help me come out of my shell and see that I can be more than those harmful thoughts.

Over two years later and I’ve been to therapy consistently and received a psychological assessment to build strategies for my wellbeing, I’m in my second year of school, and I’m a qualified peer support worker. I find it hard to imagine that I made the progress that I did, but without any support, or words that said that I can, I may very well not have been here.

It's important to have that space for another person, even if what they are saying sounds a little off. Empathy goes a long way in soothing thoughts that may have arrived from fear, because fear is such a powerful emotion, so much so that the amygdala, the flight-fight-or-freeze part of our brain, takes over when we feel the slightest bit afraid. The feelings and reactions from the amygdala takeover is normal, but there are methods to reduce it and to continue utilizing our prefrontal cortex.

However, it takes admitting that something needs addressing, so observing what "triggers" us helps reduce the flight-fight-or-freeze response, which takes time to recognize within us, a worthwhile journey to take on since self-care is self-love.

Support was there for me in that low point in my life, a point in my life where suicide was a viable option, and support is there for you, the reader, too. It takes a lot to admit that something feels off, but it’s perfectly human to feel how we feel, because our feelings are real, even those that stem from amygdala. There is no way we can be perfect feeling all the time because we are unperfect – perfectly unperfect. Or rather, perfection doesn’t exist, and that is alright. We can look at what gives us trouble, and that, to me, is empowering, because I'm in control of how I feel, which is liberating from that negative affirmations I had.