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Speaking Out

by Moth about a year ago in trauma
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This is my story.

Speaking Out
Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

My mother passed when I was only 4. I was a joyful kid, always wanting to make others around me happy. This quickly changed when my Father began to fall for our neighbor. This woman had 9 children with a few different fathers amonst them. This is when I met true evil.

My story begins here but it goes downhill for a span of 10 years. During those 10 years I was being mentally, physically, and emotionally abused. This woman had manipulated my father into selling almost everything we had for her. I went from a happy outgoing child to confused and hurt every day. This woman would hit me for no reason even if I just walked past her. I was still 4 at this time so she manipulated everyone around me when I would try speaking up about what she was doing. She would make up lies to get me into trouble with my father and then she would laugh and make snarky comments when she got her way, and she always did. My father fell into alcoholism and often ignored me- thinking that I was lashing out because of the loss of my mother. He still remains a complete stranger to me now, at 18.

The abuse continued from age 4 to 14. I was extremely malnourished by then and any time someone would come close to me I would flinch and back away from them. I had no social skills ( I was kept inside or hidden from guests and wasn't allowed to leave the home). CPS was called by one of the step-siblings who was abused the same as I was. I was then put into foster care and lived in a foster shelter for about a year and a half. I still remember the workers and other children who were there. They were my first family.

My father contacted other relatives and I was adopted.

As a result of the trauma, I had developed multiple personalities. I was diagnosed with depression, severe social anxiety, insomnia, and DID. I went through many therapists and intensive care and nothing seemed to help me. I had no relief from anything I was suffering from.

My new guardians were determined to help me but they never knew how to. They didn't know the extent of the trauma I experienced. They eventually found an alternative holistic form of therapy that would be successful. This therapy went on for two full years. I had therapy biweekly for an hour or so each session. I'm so thankful for this therapy because it led me back to myself. It helped me find comfort in spirituality.

Everything led me here. This is where I hope to share, reach out, and enlighten others. I want to show the world that I'm back and I will not be silenced. You did not break me, you only taught me the importance of finding and sharing my own individual voice and the power that comes with speaking out.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I am here as a symbol of hope. Things always get better even if you can't see it right now. Don't give up, perseverance is crucial. -MOTH


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