Social Media or Look At Me-dia?

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, your online presence seldom has anything to do with who you are in real life. You’d think this is a simple concept to grasp. However, it seems that this particular issue of mistaken e-dentity is getting a little out of hand.

In fact, as technology advances, it appears that the need to “stay connected” and use the internet to seek validation in terribly unnecessary ways is increasing. Now that we have virtual reality just around the corner, this could be a massive leap forward or greatly set us back as human beings.

Let me take a quick step back and state that I’m not really here to demonize a tool. That’s really all social media is. Like any other tool, how you decide to use it determines the results you get.

Just like you have the choice to use a pen to write a beautiful letter or poke someone’s eye out, the problem isn’t the tool itself… It’s your intention.

To break down the root cause of this, let’s take a short trip back in time.

Before Social Media

I’m still young but sometimes I feel like a dinosaur. I’m very grateful to have experienced the privileges of life before and after the boom of the internet. It really still feels like yesterday when I went from bragging about my grandma’s dial-up PC to having a supercomputer in my pocket at all times.

What a great time to be alive. No longer having to rely on internet cafes to email friends who lived far away. Computers and cellphones were advancing greatly and now we could cut the wires (sort of), hang out in online chat rooms, and finally use social media to remain close with friends and family. Cameras, WiFi, and storage capacity were all improving, and this increased our productivity, entertainment options, and much more.

Then we found out we could do more than just ‘connect’ with this new tech. We found out we could exploit it to scam scores of people simultaneously, harass them anonymously, or spread misinformation just to name a few things. We went from taking cute family selfies to hitting ‘Record’ any time we felt an injustice was taking place. The daily moments of our lives had to be captured and posted; so as to prove they really happened or even for us to enjoy them...

Social media is a tool that allows us to give our opinions, cast our judgments, express our outrage, educate others, and more. Broadly speaking, the internet is there for that.

Hey, I’m no exception since I’m here doing the same, am I not?

Like most things, I’m observing that social media specifically is turning into a popularity contest and a community pool of unfair comparisons. You know what happens in community pools - and it’s almost too easy for this kind of platform to devolve into that.

Mostly everything online is being carefully crafted and touched-up to garner the most Likes and Shares. Who’s got the prettiest, shiniest, sexiest, latest, funniest, most expensive anything… But this isn’t some kind of new behavior brought about by modern technology.

All technology did was amplify an otherwise common trait in us all: the desire to belong and feel validated by someone or something other than themselves.

Since the internet gave us the gift of massive worldwide exposure, the impact of our actions, our desires, vices, and everything else also became massive.

Okay, So?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for sharing bits of our lives with people we care about. The whole point of social media is to connect with others, exchange ideas, and share moments.

Right, so what if people want to champion their achievements, post hundreds of photos of their pets and children, or share an online petition to make a positive societal change?

So what if people post about their vaccination status, their heartbreaks, their disapproval of some political figure, or even spam links so you can “be your own boss”?

Social media and the internet in general are, I believe, as free as art should be. Now, of course, I didn’t create the internet so I’ve no right to define it. If I had a choice, I’d continue to let it be a way of self-expression, boundless connection, and almost this kind of unruly place where anything could happen.

If you don’t like something, keep scrolling. If you support something, hit the ‘Like’ button and leave a comment. But of course, just tread carefully…

This online persona you may be crafting has the potential to twist your perception of real life. Meaning, the life that has no filters or spell-checks. The life that doesn’t offer you the safety and comfort of the blue screen between you and the people you interact with.

It’s not the internet that’s at fault. It’s how you are voluntarily or sometimes involuntarily reacting to the ceaseless content online. Some of it is helpful; some of it is designed to hook you. You may not even realize this, but you may be overly critical of trivial issues and fabricated drama. Many people don't know that a large portion of the content you look at and contribute to is carefully engineered that way. It's designed for you to engage...

I’ve mentioned before that just because it’s bait doesn’t mean you HAVE to bite. I know how difficult it can be to keep your eyes away from the online snares.

To give you an idea, I knew a lady a long while back that spent hours arguing with people online. People whom she has never and will never meet. All for the sake of wanting to be “correct”. It wasn’t out of some need to genuinely help others change their ways; it was all self-serving her ego. Not to mention the issue at the time was something way beyond her understanding and she really made more of a fool out of herself than anything…

I know I said before that if you don’t like something, keep scrolling. It’s possible, but also very trying when that’s all you see anywhere you look and all you hear about. Let's say you do your part and you disconnect. What if your friends, family, or coworkers bring you into it?

"Have you seen this viral video of ___? What do you think? Isn't it crazy?"

What then? What if other people are asking you for your opinion on things? Not because they care about your point of view or want a solution, but only to support their own view? So they can feel validated that they're not the only ones who feel the way they do?

The Challenge

We went from having exposure to a few things every month to hundreds every other hour. That means more things to 'Like', 'Share' and 'Comment' on. More content to consume, curate, police, and filter through. And I’m targeting social media since that is the one-stop shop for news, gossip, and entertainment - all at a closer range than most other outlets.

So is it really a surprise that people feel even more of a need to seek amplified levels of validation? Not really; it’s almost expected. Something about seeing the stats, the notifications, and sounds makes it all feel much more rewarding. Is it any wonder why this is the so-called “Age of Anxiety and Depression”? Could it have something to do with this ceaseless bombardment of information from all sides and what happens when we don't get the attention we've been conditioned to get?

I know some people might think that if we just “shut the internet off” all of our problems will simply vanish. That’s not going to happen. It’s critical to understand that this is a people problem, not an internet problem. So here’s my challenge for you. It’s a simple one, but it won’t be easy by any means.

Keep using social media, but only as a spectator. Scroll through the posts, look at the pictures and videos, go ahead and share some content from time to time, but don’t comment on anything. Step back, and watch as others comment. Look at what they’re saying to one another and think about the impact you would have on the conversation if you joined.

Would your comments be helpful or hurtful? Now, look for someone who has already said what you’re about to say, and then ask yourself if it’s necessary for you to say it. Do you still feel that nagging need to say something or do you feel okay with letting it go since it has been handled already?

Look at all the facts before taking the bait. Are people arguing just to argue, or are they genuinely looking for a solution? Are they just trying to make themselves feel better by saying something?

In short, are you part of social media because you have to say something, or because you have something to say? Think about that for a bit. While you do, don’t get too consumed online.

Don’t forget to trust the real you: the person who didn’t need ‘Likes’ and ‘Heart Reacts’ to feel complete. Do this successfully and you’ll learn something else about yourself and the path you take to feel validated.

Additionally, you may be a little more gentle on others online who don’t get this concept. Social media shouldn't be a contest or become your entire source of validation.

Read my book on Practicing Patience, Gratitude & Courage to learn more.