Salt And The Sea

You hear me like no one else.

I follow wherever you go.

We will always be together.

Our relationship started out as a trial. A little experimentation, a touch of interest. Magic was made in those moments. Never in your life had you felt so alive, so free. I was a warm blanket you could wrap up in, a cup of cocoa on a chilly night.

You were happy until I faded away.

After the first time, you considered stopping, giving me up. I wasn’t good for you your friends would say. Stop wasting your time. I was a bad influence your family warned. Best to quit now before you get in too deep.

But I wouldn’t let you do that.

I knew you. I could see the pain all around, see how much people hurt you. See the real you. I understood and I wanted to help. I would be your friend, your family. I would fix everything. Just let me in.

I crawled into your thoughts, filling your mind with longing. Want. Need.

You needed me as much as I needed you. And I wasn’t afraid to remind you. I shook your hand when we had been apart too long, I made your hair itch from longing. I took away your sleep, invaded your thoughts. Forced myself into every waking moment. Our time together was never long enough. I pulled and pulled, creating an ache that wouldn’t go away. When you finally succumbed to my pressure, it became less and less potent. Less and less pleasurable. For you, at least.

Days and weeks would pass where you would ignore me, forgetting this beautiful thing we had. You’d succumb eventually, begging me to come back. Begging me to be your friend once more. And I, of course, would oblige. I would be there for you even when you didn’t want me to be.

Bit by bit, I weaseled my way into every aspect of your life. Those friends you had walked away from you. They weren’t as loyal as I. Your family pulled away too, saying I had become your everything. They weren’t wrong.

Was life worth living if you couldn’t have me?

Your family came back with an eviction notice, saying it was me or them. Doctors and Psychiatrists saw me and shrugged. You could be free of me if you wanted.

But you would never want that.

My fingers were wrapped around your throat and I could feel the life sucking out of you. I became stronger and stronger while you weakened beneath my weight.

That all changed when you decided we were through. You put me away, locked me in a box. I fought, kicking and screaming. How could you give up what we had? It was going so well. I turned to pleading next, my sobs reaching indifferent ears. My voice eventually gave out, but my claws could still scrape.

Even now, you feel me. You hear the tap, tap in the confines of your mind. You may not want me now, but you will.

I’ll be right here waiting for you.

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If you or a loved one are suffering from addiction, be it drug, alcohol, or anything else that takes over a person’s thoughts and actions, please know you are not alone. There are so many places and people who want to support you. Here are just a few websites to help you get back on the road to finding yourself or helping a friend do the same:

SAMHSA Helpline: https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

American Addiction Centers: https://americanaddictioncenters.org/alcoholism-treatment/loving-an-addict

Mayo Clinic: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/in-depth/intervention/art-20047451

Special thanks to The Lumineers for inspiring this story. Addiction is a real thing, and it hurts everyone it touches. No matter who you are, no matter you’ve done, You Are Loved.