Releasing The Idea Of Stability

As the warm days move towards the darker season ahead, I find myself becoming sad. Sad that the days will no longer be beaconing me to go outside, shoes off, sitting next to a tree, barefoot and enjoying the sun's warmth on my body. This past year has been very challenging for many, however, it has been a blessing in disguise for me.

Since the beginning of March, I have slowly transformed into someone new. Having switched jobs early in the season then quitting a few months later in order to focus on my health and well being - and I admit that job wasn't feeling in alignment anymore - I have miraculously found my confidence, strength, and will power to express myself in a way that I haven't been able to do before. The expression of music through using my voice has been an incredible discovery that I feel cannot be contained any longer. This seed in me must bloom! Yet, the overwhelming feeling I get when the days grow colder is the unwillingness to transition from one season into the other. This means that there is something on a deeper level, within me, that is not willing to follow.

I asked myself, 'Why am I so unwilling to accept the coming winter?" And then it occurred to me - What is it that I am holding onto and not releasing in order to let go and make room for the months ahead? One word came to mind right after I pondered this question. Stability. Stability is a huge thing for me and has been the main support in my life up until this point. I am jobless and (truth be told) I couldn't be happier to be out of something that wasn't doing well for my health and overall wellness. And since I've quit, I feel such a strong urgency to find my voice and express myself fully. There is no job that feels in alignment with that, meaning I can NOT settle. And this has caused my stability to shift.

And because of it, it's scaring the shit out of me! And is the exact reason why I can't change seasons and why the thought of not having the warm days any longer is extremely sad to me. It all makes sense now. However, now comes the hard part - what is it about stability that's making it hard to release?

For sixteen years, I have been reliable and responsible in a job. Making the money to pay my bills, being able to bring food in the house, and help my friends and family if I had extra to spare. For sixteen years, that had become my stability and what I relied on day in and day out. And now - my willingness to shine and express myself has taken over and changing my life in ways I never imagined. It's bringing so much joy and happiness into my life as well as the time and freedom to work towards my dreams for once. And because of it, it's causing a huge ripple effect and shifting my idea and perspective of stability.

Change is scary. And the funny thing is - change is inevitable and it goes without saying: change is the only constant in this world. However, I couldn't fathom the idea of how stability could change when my view of it has been set in stone. But it can! And I am learning this first hand.

Learning to understand what stability meant for me up until this point and then opening up my mind to reprogram this view so it may serve me differently has been such an experience that I couldn't just keep it to myself if there was someone out there who is going through a similar experience. Going with the flow means potentially rewiring the mind to fit the experience at hand. Meaning it's not (at all) about losing stability in any way! It's about reshaping stability to fit the circumstance. Much like fitting the triangle toy into the triangle hole - ff you're holding a square toy, it's never going to fit in the triangle hole no matter how hard you try.

This is the same concept of stability. It may have been a 'square' most of your life and suddenly your life has transitioned into a triangle. The view on stability must change in order to go with you. And like I mentioned before, I'm learning all of this right now. And the more I type this up, the more it becomes clearer to me. Stability doesn't go anywhere - you do. And in order to feel stable and secure, the idea you once had about what stability means in your life must change to fit the circumstances and experiences of what you are going through right now.

For me, the idea of stability has gone from relying on money from a job to relying on myself to express and share my voice through music and creativity. And right now, I still have a roof over my head, food on the table, and I am being supported by my friends and family. Looking back at what my life has become that last couple of months - I finally see this now. This is what stability looks like for me, at this moment. I have everything I need right now and most of it lies within me. I have the ability to change my life and this includes changing my perspective on what stability means for me so that I can take it where ever life takes me.

And I hope you find comfort in knowing that your own stability has never left your side. It's always with you. It just may need some tweaking and reshaping if it no longer fits where you are going in life. Everything you will ever need is inside of you! Much love to you all and thank you for reading.