PTSD

I was diagnosed with PTSD back in 2002 due to a childhood full of abuse and relationships with domestic voilence. I have also cared for numerous patients who have this condition. I remember when I was a student nurse my first encounter with a patient who suffered PTSD was an old man in his 80's he had been a soldier in WW1 and WW2. This man came in to us with a urine infection that had been left untreated due to this he had become delirious and confused. I was in charge of this mans care, one day when I was doing my routine observations I heard a commotion within the bay this man was placed, he was on the floor sheilding his head and shouting. I tried to get close to him to see what was wrong but he started throwing items from his table and they came hurdling my way. He believed the nurses were German soldiers and would not let anyone close to him. I had to think fast as this man was in distress, I went and took my nurse uniform off and put on a plain hoody in the hope he would let me close to him and it worked, I crouched down beside him and asked what was wrong he told me he was in the war and the German soldiers were trying to take us captive, I reassured him and told him the war was now over and congratualted him on his service, I went on to tell him that he was now in the hospital and all the people he saw were nurses and doctors here to help him. I was able to coax him back into bed and gave him a sedative that he was prescribed for moments like this. PTSD can be debilitating for the people who live with it, I know first hand just how debilitating it can be. I remember my first flash back, I was a little girl again and I was back in that room with him, my eyes wide with fear I would try and back away from everything and everyone around me. These flash backs can be triggerred by smell, touch, words, a noise, tv show anything really. I was commenced on anti depressants that had a sedative effect and went for hypno therapy. Hypno therapy is expensive at £60 per session but worth it in my case anyway, I would reccomend it. Hypno therapy enabled me to cope with my memories better, taught me control and even erased some memories that were particularly traumatic. My partner is my god send during flash backs he knows what to do, he will tell me I am safe, where I am for exmaple if I am laying in bed or out and about. He will tell me the day, the time and just be there for me reassuring me constantly.

It is a completely different experience having a flash back and watching someone else have one, I feel privilidged though because I know first hand what its like and this enables me to care for my patients in a better way and form a more therapuetic relationship. Patients with PTSD are drawn to me for some reason it is like they have this gut feeling that I know what they are going through or maybe its just my approach. I have taken it upon myself to learn more about PTSD so I can use this in my practice. It is a very hard condition to undertsand if you dont have it but there are rescources out there for people who want to learn more, I would urge anyone who lives with someone with this condition to equip themselves with as much knowledge as possible so they can deal with their loved one in the best possible manner. There is nothing worse than someone having a flash back and their loved ones not knowing what to do, it can cause friction and lack of understanding can sever relationships. Meditation has also helped me as it keeps me grounded and in the present, I remove triggers as much as possible to prevent a flash back, this only helps if you know what your triggers are some people have no idea until its brought on a flash back.

I believe that there should be more training available to the public on this condition as it is a hard one to understand, some people just cant comprehend what a flash back is or what it feels like. You often hear some people say your past is your past drop it, this is not possible for the likes of PTSD patients because they dont have control if your brain sees a trigger it is enough to bring on a flash back so these comments are not productive instead they can cause more friction. At work I try to encompass what I have learnt and my perosnal experience into my practice but also in other people I work with so the patient gets the best care possible. My ex partner was not very understanding of my PTSD and he would often trigger a flash back by being aggressive and touching me in a sexual manner when I have said no, this caused me severe stress and issues in my relationship to the point I eventually fell out of love with him and ended the relationship, he ended his life soon after that. My younger son now has the child form of PTSD because of this and its a shame because he is only 10 years old. On a positive note atleast he has a mother who understands his needs when it comes to that.

I want to reach out to others who have similar issues in the hope that I can help in any way possible. It takes a strong mind to overcome PTSD and so I would urge for anyone to seek help so they can deal with their trama, process it and lay it to rest. Unresolved trauma plays havok with people and their emotions and can increase your chances of having a flash back. It is important to let everyone know around you that you have this condition so they know what to do in the event of a flash back, some people can look at you like you are crazy if they don't have that bit knowledge, plus it enables them to help you more.

I try not to look at my PTSD as debilitation but more of a way to undertsnad myself better, I am in the middle of putting my trauma to rest but I still have a ways to go, Meditation has helped me immenseley and there is a meditation out there for everything and they are free on you tube. I do them daily and pick one that is tailored to me and my needs even as I write this I am listening to meditation music. Learing to be self-aware can also help you along on that healing journey. To all my fellow warriors have a blessed life and stay safe.