Psychology: The best way to love a person deeply is to keep a proper distance from him

After falling in love, many people will have the same performance, that is to want to be with each other all the time.

For this reason, there are many masters through the ages, who writing many beautiful poems, to sing the greatness of love.

No wonder some people will say that love is magic, its appearance, will let a person change. Even if the original how cold, will gradually become gentle.

For example, Ashlehawk in the Long Song Line. As an orphan, he had to be as hard as iron, as cunning, as calculating, if he wanted to stand on the vast prairie.

Therefore, when he arrived at the royal city of the Tang Dynasty, he tried every means to divide Li Shimin and Li Jiancheng's men, to bring the Tang Dynasty into a bloody storm and thus reduce the Tang Dynasty's damage to the grassland.

Fortunately, the Tang generals were not vegetarians either, relying only on the clues left by Ashlehawk's subordinates to find their headquarters. In a foreign country, facing a menacing enemy, he carried out his plan cleanly without the slightest worry or fear.

Such he, calm and witty, just like the hardest time in the world, even if more wind and rain, also can not cause a trace of wear to him.

However, after meeting Li Changge, he gradually changed. Became more and more verbose - he should have known that Li Changge was capable of self-preservation, but he was not reassured, so he asked again and again.

Become timider -- always feel a breeze blowing, can cause irreparable damage to his lover, so panic all day long, every day must see Li Changge, make sure she is safe, dare to rest assured to leave.

Many people feel that such feelings are too sweet, want to have been able to have, and then as the poem said, you and I, from now on never separate.

In real life, many girls do this, but they not only do not grow old with their lover but also gradually become the most hated person.

Why is that? There is a term in psychology called the hedgehog effect. Two hedgehogs in the cold winter, the only way to think about is to hug each other, to drive away the cold winter, to usher in the next spring.

However, because hedgehogs are full of small thorns, if they get too close, they will stab each other. In this way, the purpose of heating is achieved, but on the other side brought immeasurable harm.

And that's not why they chose to embrace it. But if far away from each other, and can not achieve the purpose of mutual warmth. As a result, they may not be able to withstand the winter cold.

So, after many experiments, the two hedgehogs found the right distance, which would not keep them too far from each other to resist the invasion of the cold wind; You don't want them to get too close and cause irreparable damage to each other.

The same is true with people. Under the moisture of love, regardless of men and women, all want to be together with each other all the time, even if it is to talk or chat, to live up to the good time.

However, they are two people, with their ideas, their ways of life, and their things. If they are bound together, they will soon get tired of being together after the initial happy period.

If at this point, the lover still does not grasp his intention and continues to go his own way, then the relationship is a bit worrying.

Whether in TV series or in real life, there are too many lovers, this is how gradually separate.

Qian Zhongshu once compared marriage to a siege. This is not what the couple is thinking when they first enter the marriage. Instead, they should both want to "hold hands and grow old together." Even if you don't, you certainly don't want to let go of their hand.

So why, years later, do you want to escape? Most of the reason is that he gradually lost his privacy and freedom in the marriage -- maybe not so, but it made him feel that way.

At first, they should have advised themselves that they should not care too much about freedom, after all, it is not easy to find a bosom friend in the vast sea of people.

However, as they pressed closer and closer, he began to feel suffocated, and he wanted to run away.

This thought appeared every time his personal space was invaded. Each time it appears, it's like watering a seed.

If his lover can understand and stop pushing, then he will probably gradually give up the idea of leaving. If his love is not getting the message, the gap between the two of you will grow.

Eventually big enough to completely consume their feelings, leaving him with no nostalgia for their feelings or their marriage. Every time he gets along with his lover, his strongest conviction is to run away.

How can they live in harmony under such circumstances? How can Jian plaice love? How can we be together forever? Therefore, the best way to love someone is not to be with each other all the time, but to learn to keep a proper distance.

This distance, neither too far away, let each other lose intimacy and attachment, thus like passers-by; Won't be too close to each other, let each other completely lose their personal space, thereby losing the freshness.

There was a question on Zhihu: What are the ways to express one's, true love? Many people answer, and their answers are not the same. More emotional people, say to always show love to each other.

Romantic people will say that you should always create romance for each other and make these romantic moments the best memories for both of you.

Like to accompany people, will say that love a person is always accompanying her, in her most needed moment, always timely, firm, standing in front of them, let her know that whatever happens, there is no need to worry, because you have been in.

However, I found a different reply among them -- there are many ways to express true love for a person, but the best way is not to contact each other frequently.

This answer seems to be a mouthful, and it doesn't even match the question. The most important thing is that it overturns people's understanding of emotion -- emotion needs cultivation, cultivation needs contact, and contact makes two hearts closer and closer.

Now why say not to contact? The key point of this answer is "frequent", everything is about a degree. If it's within that range, then it doesn't matter what nature does;

But once beyond this range, it will turn the good thing into a bad thing, the so-called "extreme happiness begets sorrow", that is.

This is also suitable for love. So a smart woman, even if she has fallen in love with her partner, will still give him a certain amount of personal space, and let him be himself within the appropriate scope.

The essence of love is not mutual entanglement, but two independent people, their achievements.