Professionals Don't Always Know Best

For years, I was plagued with physical illness's like nausea and headaches. Sometimes my migraines would be so bad that I would fall to the ground and just squeeze my temples, waiting for it to end. My nausea would be so bad that I had to stay in my bed all day, unable to even enjoy a simple car ride. Everything I ate, made me bloated and sick. This was an every day thing for me, not like it stopped me from eating food or anything, I always kept up with eating, I LOVE food. That is why I was so upset. I went to the doctor every few months for blood work, my primary care doctor had me on Zofran for years for nausea. She gave that to me about 5 years ago and still to this day, I get nausea on a daily. I have gone through periods where I had acid reflex and could not eat ANYTHING with citrus at all or else it would just come right back up. I was SO tired and just wanted answers.

However, my blood results came back fine. I had written down all my symptoms, and of course, Google was telling me I had all these issues and needed to see a doctor. Fatigue, nausea, tiredness, irritability, bloating, ect. My research came out and told me that it was Lyme Disease. Which, if you didn't know, stays with you forever if left untreated and does not show up in some blood tests because it does not run through the blood, but every other part of your body. I had a tick bite when I was 16, and was "too cool" to take the medication for it because it said you can not drink alcohol with it. So, I said whatever and just moved on with it.

I told my doctor to test me for Lyme Disease. He LITERALLY told me, "Lyme Disease does not exist, it is made up". He refused to test me for it. This was a DOCTOR in an EMERGENCY ROOM. Who literally told me that a disease I showed every symptom for and that I had when I was 16 and never treated it, does not exist and I must be crazy. Then went on to comment on my self-harm scars, and asked me if I am doing anything about that or seeing anybody about that. Completely unprofessional and totally violating! They were old scars, too. Not even the reason I went into the hospital.

So, I gave up and other than leaving that hospital really mad, I tried to find other options because clearly it must not have been Lyme Disease. My grandfather had Lyme Disease in his 60's and it was over 10 years old and was all throughout his body, so I now know, that doctor was full of crap. I probably do have it, but there really isn't a cure so, lifestyle change it is.

Anyway, I was still dealing with the same symptoms, day after day. I felt sick after every meal, I wasn't using the bathroom regularly, so there was something with my digestion that was off, my GI track had issues too and I was always feeling like I was going to be sick, like this feeling in my throat like I had a hard time swallowing my own spit sometimes. Car rides were the worst, sorry, I meant ARE the worst.

Years go by, and I finally get on some anxiety medication. Go figure, short-term benzodiazepine use fixed everything. However, benzos are highly addictive and only used when really needed. However...the point is...when I took them, and all my anxiety was gone, and I was focused on one thing and everything was alright, even just for a half hour, my symptoms were non-existent. I could eat without feeling sick, I could get in a car and not feel sick, I could eat a damn lemon and not have any acid reflex. This did not fix my digestive issues though, since Benzos cause constipation and "Benzo Belly" which can make you bloated, during and after use. It also causes dry mouth, which is not too fun, but when you are not anxious and you feel free, it is not the worst side effect to have.

Once I realized my anxiety was causing all of my physical problems, I bet my depression was causing the fatigue and tiredness. Of course, I was right. After I FINALLY (after 10 years of asking myself what the hell was wrong with me) I got all my diagnosis. Everything was starting to make sense...then I lost my main doctor and main psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist after psychiatrist, I got told that my diagnosis for Bipolar was wrong. "No, you don't have that". "Sorry. I don't think you have that." Over and over again, getting told I do not have this diagnosis. "Trauma sure, so PTSD we can work on, but based on the answers you provided today, I can not give you a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder."

What makes you think, that a psychiatrist, as skilled and knowledgeable as they are, can tell somebody that they do or do not have a diagnosis based on a 1 hour session, and a short questionnaire filled with criteria that I may or may not match that certain day?

The answer? They CAN'T. They do not know me. They do not know you. They kept asking me the SAME DAMN questions. The questions that you would ask someone with Bipolar 1 disorder, but I had Bipolar 2 disorder.

Bipolar 1, is significantly different than 2. The types of episodes are different, the cycle times are different, everything is different. So, after a few years of getting told yes and no by different doctors, I bought the DSM-5 book myself. Which of course, is the professional book of psychiatric disorders and the criteria of each. I of course, fit the criteria for each disorder I have been given and told each doctor so.

Once you are given a disorder, you can manage your symptoms and get help. If you are being told constantly that you were misdiagnosed, you are not getting the right help. The medication will be wrong, the type of therapy will be wrong, and the lifestyle choices I had to make will be based off this diagnosis. I am....whats the word....putting my faith into professionals to help me and give me the right kind of help that I need, based on my specific needs and symptoms. This makes people vulnerable to the wrong information.

Desperate to find out what is wrong with me, I become a total hypochondriac. It was bad. I found out that with intense and severe anxiety, even heightened stress, it can cause acid reflex and digestion issues; especially the sick to my stomach feeling, because anxiety is in your gut. So this whole time, nothing physical was really wrong with me, I was just thinking myself into being sick. Anxiety feeds on itself, when I am anxious I am like "Oh god, i'm gonna be sick" next thing I know, I feel sick.

Stress yourself out hard enough, you will eventually hurt your brain and you will get headaches that eventually turn into stress migraines. I started to clench my jaw when I was a kid, now I have locked jaw and get migraines in my sleep cause of anxiety.

All mental illness causes physical symptoms. This can lead to a lifetime of physical problems and even disease. But, doctors only know about the physical ones, and psychiatrists only know what medication help certain symptoms, and therapists only know about the mind and trauma and they know a majority about the mind and the body and how they connect. Together, if one person knew all of this, they would be the perfect person to go to for help.

This is why I will NEVER put my faith in a doctor. This is why I will never put my faith or trust in ONE single person.

Do your research. See a therapist AND take medication, change your lifestyle AND your diet.

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE THINGS ARE CONNECTED.

Herbal supplements can help (find my blog about finding the right and correct herbal supplement). These can help just as much as a pharmaceutical, with less side effects.

Changing your diet, like cutting out red meat and sugar, can help with digestion. This is what I am doing. Because if anxiety is in the gut, and your eating unhealthy and have sugar and high fat in your diet, your gut is unhealthy and you will be bloated and sick to your stomach every time you are nervous.

Doctors can not tell you this......they are not allowed to tell you this, they did not go to school for this.

So, if you leave the doctors office, for the 15th time, and you are sure that there is something wrong with you that the doctors must have missed, check your mental health. Check your stress. 2020 sucks, so just blame it on the whole year if you want. But, do not just TRUST the professionals to know more about you than YOU do. Trust yourself. Ask 5 different professionals, the internet, your friends, post it online, your Facebook, find groups online where people are having the same problems. Be your own professional. Because nobody knows you better than you.

YOU know if there is something wrong with you. Don't let anybody tell you "oh your fine". If you are overreacting, it is probably anxiety or stress. If it is not physical, maybe it is mental. Or vice versa.

You will be okay.