Pregnant and on methadone.

This is my story of being pregnant and on methadone. I have seen a lot and I have been through even more. My goal by sharing these videos and telling my stories is to change the way societies view addicts, addiction, and mental illness. We need real change in the sense of giving more sympathy and having more empathy for addicts and people who suffer from mental illness. By telling my story of being a heroin addict and pregnant, I can give insight to the true story of an addict. The story of a young girl who was taken advantage of and turned to drugs as a crutch to see the light at the end of a very dark and cold tunnel. The story of a woman who was given drugs without any idea of what will happen in the future. There is more to an addict then stealing and thieving. There is more to an addict than pawning stolen boomboxes, radios, and t.v’s. There is more to an addict than driving for hours, 5 times a day, to pick up a sack of white or brown powder. There is more to addiction than puking in a bag in the front seat while waiting on your dealer to show up, for the sixth hour in a row. There is more an addict than years of depending on a substance to be happy and for a good laugh. There is more to addiction than picking up a substance and choosing to get high in that moment. There is so much more. I am here to tell everything there is. The raw, dirty, immoral, disappointing nights of crawling in the streets so you are not sick in the morning. Hiding your kids in the back seat so hopefully they do not see what you are doing in the front seat. The choosing between food and a syringe. The choice you make everyday between where to steal from because you have been in this store too much lately, or that store too much last week.

I am here to explain how being pregnant does not magically take away cravings or stop the withdrawals. Being pregnant does not take away the years of having a best friend that is always there for you. Years of always having a best friend to not give up on you. Years of having a crutch to get you through the lonely nights. Years of having a crutch to get you through the depression and anxiety. Years of having a crutch to talk you down from your worst thoughts.

The same crutch – that same crutch I depended on for years, over ten to be exact, is the same crutch that made me sick every single morning. The crutch that made me lie, steal, thieve, and beg for money. The crutch that persuaded me to turn on my own child – to get high. This crutch that ruined my life, has a hold on my soul unlike anything ever has – and ever will. This same substance that can disintegrate in less than a teaspoon of water; the same substance that can be knocked over while making it and lose all it’s worth – This same substance guides me throughout my life and tells me where to go and what to do is the substance that took my entire life away – multiple times.

I am here to explain how that happens. Why this happens so often . Drug addiction does not discriminate, and it doesn’t care who you are or what you can offer it.

I have many, many stories to tell of my life and my experiences. This is just one. My experience of being a pregnant addict prescribed methadone. My YouTube page has more videos, that I upload weekly. TheAddictMom is changing the way society views addiction. Be apart of that change.