Positive Mind

The time has come for me to move on with the next chapter of my life.

According to my spiritual advisor from the divine realm, in order to move on in life-I have to be willing to let go of my past.

Not to let go of the positive memories and events, just the ones that don’t serve me in beneficial ways.

The suggestion I have received is to write as much or as little of my life that held me back from being me-from pursuing a career-from tapping into my creative side.

Oh, I have written books in the past and I did some homestead photography. However, during that time period I was mother and caretaker my mentally and physically ill-youngest daughter, who suffered with Anorexia Nervosa-coupled with anxiety disorder and severe depression.

My time wasn’t my own. I spent majority of my time either by her bedside at home or by her bedside at the hospital, or taking her on anxiety-distress-drives.

Then in 2007 My middle daughter passed away from injuries she obstained from a vehicle accident. Leaving behind a fourteen month-old son.

Do to the obvious fact that my plate was full in taking taking care of my youngest daughter, I could not adopt my grandson and give him the time and attention he deserved.

So he was adopted by his Aunt and Uncle. My sister and brother-in-law. At first it seemed like the best decision, as they had no children of their own and had the financial means to provide for him. However, I came to deeply regret that choice.

In 2020 my sister was accused of being emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive towards my grandson.

There had been talk and quite a few people knew about the accusations. One concerned person wrote an article on child abuse - and mentioned the names of my grandsons adopted parents.

When my family found out about it, they and by they-I mean my sister and brother-in-law, my youngest daughter, and my mother - blamed me for writing the article!

At that point-I became the black sheep of the family I guess you could say. These family members stopped talking to me altogether.

My sister and brother-in-law even took it upon themselves to take me to small claims court over the matter.

The judge threw their claim out of court. CSS (Child Social Services) were immediately involved. Hopefully they are still doing regular check-ins on them.

Unfortunately, my sister and brother-in-law have managed to turn my grandson against me. I have tried reaching out but to no avail.

Do to confidentiality the CSS cannot disclose any information to myself, or other family members.

My grandson will be fourteen years old soon, and I pray that as he becomes more mature, he will try to contact me. In the meantime-I continue to miss the close relationship I had with him.

If you have ever been blamed for something you didn’t do-you will understand how this has affected me. I am very much a family oriented person-so my heart has been crushed.

Just before all this went down with my family- my father suddenly passed away. I was still grieving over loosing him when old-hell broke out!

I was not feeling well. I had dizziness, my limbs would suddenly go weak and I wasn’t sure what was going on.

Then my husband re-injured his back at work. Up to this time period he had underwent three back surgeries. Where of course I was nurse-maid for months at a time. So now he was back to regular doctor visits.

I started to experience migraines. They were horrible! I ended up in emergency twice because of them. I had a CT Scan-for which the doctor said it showed clear.

For the next few days I am in and out of the doctors clinic with my head constantly throbbing.

One day-I had to visit with an unknown doctor to me in a walk-in clinic. I left with a new prescription.

It’s getting close to supper-time, so hubby and I decide to go to Boston Pizza. We order our dinners and an ice tea.

I took two sips of the ice tea and another migraine instantly hits! I headed out to the vehicle-took a pill of the new prescription, and we went home.

I recall laying down and got up to use the washroom and was slammed with pain in my head. I screamed! That’s all I remember.

My husband-Tim, informed me a few days later - that he came running up the stairs to find me in a Grand Mal Seizure. Not that he knew what was happening at the time.

The ambulance was called. On my way to the hospital-I suffered another Grand Mal Seizure. Apparently I was thrashing horribly and needed to be restrained.

For the following hours it wasn’t looking to good for me, as the specialists we’re having a difficult time coming up with a meditation that would work in stopping the seizures.

Finally one started to work. And thank goodness for that. Otherwise I would’ve been put in a self-coma to prevent any damage mentally.

During the seizure thrashing-I not only dislocated my left shoulder but it was busted in two areas. Hence the photo. I broke the top of my back. I chipped two front teeth and if that wasn’t enough-I had suffered a brain bleed-which was caused either by an aneurism or a stroke. Also my blood wasn’t pumping properly to my arteries.

I underwent numerous testing-some were extremely painful!

I was on expensive medications for quite awhile. I am still recovering from my shoulder injuries. But no longer have migraines and fingers crossed-I never do!

I never felt so useless in my entire life. I couldn’t do anything on my own for a long time.

I am so very appreciative that my eldest daughter-Jacquelyn, had traveled down to be with me, and to support her stepdad with my care.

Between the two of them-I wasn’t left alone to often. The nursing staff was great as well, and we made sure they knew how grateful we were for all of my care.

I was in the hospital for a total of twenty-one days.

Stress can cause so much pain and agony in ones life. Literally! Mental anguish can and will turn to physical anguish in time!

I am determined not to allow anyone or anything get in my way of regaining my mental, physical, and spiritual health.

I do my best to keep negative influences at bay. My focus is to do what I love-which is creative writing. I am publishing stories on a regular basis, and I am very proud of myself for how far I have come.

Soon I will have my second short-story book available on line for purchase.

“My Adventure of a Life Time”

It was a story I first wrote on paper in 2011, and is now about to reach it’s time in my readers hands.

Thank you to everyone who has read and supported my publications. Please continue to do so. My appreciation is genuine.

By Brenda Lee Lord-Hinger

"BLBlogWritingNews" with this link: https://brendahinger.wixsite.com/blblogwritingnews

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