Out Of The Dark

One day during probably one of the worst times I struggled with trauma, I had a daydream. I saw myself as a young child, maybe 7 years old. I was in a dark well. It looked like I had fallen so deep into the well that I couldn't see the light of day anymore. _Was it day or night?_ I wasn't sure. It was just total darkness. I sobbed and cried but nobody could hear me. I screamed for help and not a soul could hear. Nobody would come. My throat was tight, and my lips were dry and cracked. I was parched. I said and pulled my knees close into my chest. It just felt better to be crumpled up into a ball. It allowed me some body heat or at least the idea of it.

I prayed for God to hear me. I begged Him save me. A light suddenly caught my eye as I looked up into the heavens to pray. It was the moon. It was full, and I could see it illuminating the top of the well that I was in. I was a long way down.

A shooting star flew past me. It called out to me. “Grab onto the next one,” it said. “Just reach up and grab it.” I looked on in wonder and amazement.

_Did that star just talk to me? Well anything is possible. If I believed I could, then maybe I can._

I reached up as another shooting star approached. It was like time slowed down. I jumped up as high as I could and then I was suddenly higher up in the sky than I had ever been. It was whizzed away up along the trail of the star. I still managed to hold on.

“Hold on tight,” the star said.

I wasn’t about to let go anyway so I pulled with my might until I reached the top of the star. I rode it saddled between my legs like I was riding a horse. I felt exhilarated as wind blew my hair back. Joy filled my heart and warmed me, and I screamed out with laughter.

“I did it! I can’t believe I did it. Anything is possible!”

I saved myself. I got out by believing I could. All I had to do was dream of something better and be ready to catch it when it came by. This daydream helped me tremendously. I realized that the way out of trauma for me had to start with believing that I could change. I had to believe that I could succeed. I had to realize that although things were bad now, it’s temporary. There will be a time when you can see a shooting star, reach out, grab it, and feel completely joyful as you realize that you pulled yourself out. If there’s trauma caught in your body, you need to work through it.

There will be times when you are tested. You’ll think you’ve finally figured life out after a particularly grueling test and sometimes you may find yourself back in that dark well again. By changing your beliefs, you’ll be able to get out of that dark well faster next time. You’ll begin to see the ways you’re strong enough to survive anything. You can keep on going. You don’t have to give up.

Get to know yourself well while you’re in that dark place. Take time to figure out who you truly are when nobody is there to watch or help you. Reach for spirit. You must learn how to take care of yourself, and I know that others probably never gave you the care and attention you needed when you were younger, but now you must learn to do it on your own anyway. You can begin to offer yourself everything that you need just by becoming more aware of your needs and speaking up for yourself. Take time to get to know yourself better. Healing is a long journey, and you need to become your own best friend and advocate.