My Roommate Situation

I moved to San Francisco State in August 2004, and I was a transfer student at that. My roommates struck me in the immediate present as gaslighting bullies. One was messing around with her perception of race, and didn't bother to correct me as I see now she was looking for an excuse to criticize an innocent person. They did turn out to be very abusive. But at first, I tried to be the one to help them get along although the roommate I met first was the sort of person who liked messing around with people, and like I said, I imagined I had wronged her by not guessing her race right. I'm sorry, hun, I didn't know any better, and remember I was in my mid-twenties so therefore, learning new things?

So yes, I was caught sizing someone up of which I later apologize while she had friends over. When I had checked parties yes, I realized my house was a party house when they started putting together parties, of which my toxic roommates would encourage me to drink when I was there. We tried to have house meetings but I was told once that my original roommate who was living with someone else, had that someone else pick on my roommate. I heard they had gotten into a fight, but she wouldn't tell me the content of the fight.

Okay, they'd pick on me before bed to get me wound up. I didn't know I had schizoaffective at the time because I was on an entirely different set of medication at the time compared to my medication today. They were fight pickers while I wasn't. Even if my family tried to gaslight me into believing its my fault, as usual. Their gaslighting is ridiculous. My roommates were also talented gaslighters, like everything was my fault, which it wasn't. I did make disturbing comments to one roommate about disabled people fighting back against abuse with force. I was fed up and sick to death of her crap. So I'd respond with viciousness in kind. I eventually nailed that roommate in an act of "gee you hurt my feelings, for real," but only because she had tried to hurt my feelings by making me cry, calling my crying manipulative. I've been confused about crying being manipulative ever since. As usual, my parents refused to help me by talking to the school, which is typical of them.

Oh I had to deal with a lot of violence directed at me while growing up. It causes me CPTSD trauma to this day. I tried to set boundaries, I tried to make sure I didn't have weak boundaries, I was trying to stand up for myself, although eventually I learned how. I have learned not to let people mistreat me. For example, at my job training school, someone was saying I have cute feet, but I told her to shut up multiple times because it didn't feel like a real compliment, more like she was trying to mock me. After telling her to shut up a few times, after telling her to not talk to me that way, she eventually shut up because I made it a condition not to talk to me about my feet while she was in the room. I fought the roommate's abuse constantly, but my family was saying, typical of them, that was my fault. The scapegoaters certainly know how to make things my fault. I had thought that one roommate, who went to work high off of a marijuana brownie, was bipolar due to her manic phases causing her to pick a fight. I'm lucky I didn't get sicker from the alcohol use I was putting up with. Alcohol in college is a perfectly acceptable scenario for some people. My family behaves in ways the roommates thought they could behave with me, but I had learned how to set boundaries then, and at my job school, so in which case, if my family comes back, we will be enforcing those boundaries. I eventually found a new place to live with a sane graduate student and her roommates. But we had bully neighbors who picked on their roommate of which I saw, confronted one and was given issues by that person for the rest of the time I lived on campus.