My Life

My name is Kimica Sledge, I am Thirty-three years old. I have been married for 4 years and we have a daughter who just turned 7 years old and a son who is 1 years old. I am sharing this part of me because it is so hard for those who live with mental illness and feel they are not worthy of a family, friendships or any kind of relationships. We (the mentally ill) carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We tend to believe we can not prosper in life or can not have a somewhat a normal life. We struggle to speak what's on our minds because we believe no one will hear us or understand us. Well, I am here to tell you, you can. I am going to give little bit of my history and how I became the woman I am today.

I was just six years old when my mother took me to the Fredrick Douglass house in Washington, D.C. I was asking my mother questions about what they were saying because I didn't understand them. My mother said " Be quiet or I will whoop your a**". I am a kid, I didn't think she would actually do it, so I kept asking. Little did I know that was the day my life flipped upside down. When my mother and I arrived back home she beat me for three hours. My mother left afterwards to go to her second job. My mother left me and my four sister's with her boyfriend( My dads ex- Friend). One hour after she left my sister's was playing while my mother's boyfriend called me to the bedroom. I went to the bedroom, He said " come in close the door". I did, He molested me. I cried and he said " tell any one I will kill your mother. One year after the very first episode, I finally told my mother, She said " you lying b****, you tried to get at my man, get the hell out!" of course, I was crying trying to make sense with her reactions and why she didn't believe me. I left like she asked. It was cold and snow on the ground, a Seven year old walking in the cold snow with flip flops on, I went to the church around the corner from the house, a woman saw me walking to the church. She asked " sweetie you ok?" I said " No my mother put me out" the lady asked me if I knew where I lived I said "yes". The lady was nice enough to drive me back home. We knocked on the door. My mother came to the door, with a mean look saying " What?" The lady said " is this your child?" My mother said " yes" well I found her walking up to the church and It's snowing outside... Lady Thank you for bring her back thank you" my mother said to the nice lady. My mother closed the door took me to the basement and locked me down there for six hours with no food or water. This was my new way of life. My mother beats me before work, while at work I was getting molested and raped by her boyfriend. When my mother gets home he would tell her a lie and I get beaten and thrown in the basement. There were times where I had to eat my own feces because I was so hungry.

I would always cry asking the universe why give me to a family who doesn't love me? One day I went to school, of course you can see how my sister's and I was treated at home. My clothes and shoes would have holes in them, my hair was not done, I looked a little rough and my sisters was well groomed and managed. I signed up for baseball and cheerleader positions. I figured this way I wouldn't get molested or rape by this scumbag everyday. Well, that plan failed miserably. Two months later I called the police and told them my mother left me with my sisters by myself. They came talked to her and she said whatever and they left. My mother whooped me for four hours and threw me in the basement for the rest of the day and night. My mother told her boyfriend not to let me up unless I am going to school. This man kept me from school for three months straight trying to get me pregnant. The school sent the FBI one night. They came and talked to me first since I am the first born and I let them have it. I told them how my mother would beat me for no reason and leave me in the basement with no food or water and how her boyfriend would rape and molested me for four years. As I was talking they looked at me with disgust because I was smelling, and dirty. I was so thin you can see every bone in my body. my hair was a wreck. they talked to my sisters and then they locked my mothers boyfriend up. They told my mother the deal. After the FBI left my mother threw knives at me at this time I was ten years old. I ducked every single one, don't know how I did it, since I was so weak from no food and water. My mother calm down put a perm in my hair while we were waiting on CPS. She asked why I didn't tell her before I cried and said I did when I was seven. you called me a whore and a slut and thought I was trying to take your man. Mother said Oh baby, then a knock on the door came. It was CPS. right before they showed up, I managed to steal $800 dollars from her stash so I can get me some food and clothes. When I got to a new home, a new family. Things was okay until rage settled inside of me. I would run away trying to get with little boys. I didn't realize that my pain and rage came from my mother and sisters and my mothers boyfriend. When I was eleven years old, I was sent to institutions. Until I was about Fifteen years old, I was sent to a group home for girls, I was also seeing therapist, doctors and receiving medications. I even tried to do family therapy with my mother.

All of these effects seemed more pointless as I grew older and with even more rage than ever before. I was fifteen years old (two months away from my sixteenth birthday) when I was about to get release from an institution Located Washington, DC NW I was talking with my foster parents from when I was 10 and my case worker. We decided that I was going back with them. I was finally released and things seems okay. One day I was playing with my foster sister and One of the foster parents son decided to choke me I ran to the neighbors and the parents came home I said this is not going to work. The next day they drove me back to CPS. I was in a temporary home for two weeks. I meet a woman named Mrs. Barnes. She was always nice. A little to soft. I met a man named Mijajuan Sampson. He was nineteen and I was fifteen. I have been sexually active and a little to grown. I have been putting myself in places and situations that caused me to continuously get raped. I have been walking around a ticking bomb. I even had to pull knives on my own sisters and mother because they have pulled weapons on me. I have been back into institutions, My behavior sure did cause for me to be dead or with HIV. I really had no sense of directions or a care for anything. I had lost all hope. I was still dealing with Mijajuan. I had been selling my soul and body for this guy. I have been trying to please the enemy. Mijajuan and I was like oil and water. I always got my behind beaten by Mijajuan for something. He was very insecure. Mijajuan's family became unpleasant towards me after a few years.

I was twenty-five years old when I finally had enough with Mijajuan. By this time Mijajuan and I had a son name Mijajuan DuBose ( My maiden name is DuBose). I went to my mother's house to live for a couple of months. I had met a man named Jeffrey Sledge. We both intended to only to satisfy each other's sexual desire. My husband and I had our daughter in November 23rd 2013. We both been through a lot with one another, but he stayed by my side through all the pain and evil I have caused this man and he chose me to be his wife. I was twenty-eight years old and Jeffrey was forty-seven years old when we got married. We still had problems. I had cheated on my husband for the last time in 2018. The pain I put myself through was so unbearable. I promised him the same thing but this time it was different. I realized the prayer I had made when I was a child, universe granted to me when I came across my husband. I kept my word. I sought out help. Through mental health agency. I have a Doctor, a Therapist and a Case Manager. I take my medication like I am suppose to. My husband and I even had another baby. I have learned that my mother and sisters are sick and I just need to hope for the best for them. I no longer seek their approval to live. I no longer have to buy their love because I love myself more today and I have my husband, children, and my father's love. I no longer resist my help. I thank the universe now for my life. I see now that I have been through what I have been through to help others like myself who is still struggle to accept who they are, accept that you are made uniquely and carefully designed by the universe. We are not a mistake!

I am currently diagnosed with PTSD( Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Bipolar 1 and 2 and depression. I am doing much better. I finally let someone in to help me get better with myself and my family. I pay my part of the bills. I teach my children what they need to learn in life and in school. I am a Woman, a mother, a wife, a daughter , a sister, and an aunt. I tried to adapt into this new way of life. To understand then to be understood, that took me so long to understand that phrase. I am now taking full responsibility for my life and actions. I no longer living in fear or in a shell. I am able to be who I am. I am a loving and caring person. I try every day to help others. I am in the service business now. I finally acted upon my convictions. I am convinced that I am someone who has a mental disorder with a huge heart. I once had a very low self-esteem because what I was told. Don't take on others beliefs find someone you can trust to air out your dirty laundry and get things off your chest. If you don't you will waste more time than anything else. you will live in pain and fear. I say this because of my experience. I am sharing this as my personal experience. How you get help or receive is totally up to you. I just want you to know that no matter what boulders life throws at you, you can still have and enjoy a comfortable normal life. You may have some extra things like dealing with children or yourself with mental and emotional disorders, that should not get in the way of you enjoying life. There is still HOPE for you. Just have determination and you will thrive. Just remember this: universe doesn't put anything on you that you and the universe can't handle.

Get out there and start enjoying life before it passes you by.

With Love, Kimica Sledge