My Childhood Bully Threatened To Set Me On Fire.

A TRUE STORY

Demonic pleasure glimmered in his eyes. I’d only been there for about a minute. I knew in that second that something was going to happen. I just didn’t know what, or how far he would actually go.

THE ROUTINE

They always had their little games at the bus stop. I stayed quiet and didn’t draw attention to myself. The feel of the lumpy wall digging into my back was a constant. I flattened myself out against it; hoped not to be noticed. It never worked. I still did it. He always saw me, and always had some plan ready…

I got used to it.

Learned to pretend that I didn’t hear.

That it didn’t hurt.

But I did hear.

And it did hurt.

THAT DAY

That day started like any other. I got up and got dressed . A welsh wool skirt, blue shirt, blue and green striped tie, blue school jumper with the school logo on, and my coat. My uniform was no different to anyone else’s. The school was the only supplier. I put my bag on my shoulder, and then left the house.

I was happy that morning. Excited, even. We’d just got a new computer and I was full of the joys of the Internet.

That changed when I saw the bus stop.

THE DREAD

As soon as I saw it, I knew that something was going to happen. They were all crowded together. I walked down the road, and the dread spread through me as the gap between him and me got smaller.

It was the same each day.

I thought this one was no different.

It was only when I saw the look in his eyes.

I knew then…

When I got to the bus stop, I saw that they were all there. Sara, Gavin, Delyth, and Huw. Kelly, Conway, Carl and Richard were supposed to catch the bus at a different stop, but they always walked to this one…

Will was there too, but wasn’t huddled with them. When I got there, I flattened myself out against the wall. Some of them glanced at me and muttered names and comments.

He hadn’t seen me yet.

PLAYING WITH LIGHTERS

They were always doing it. I’d seen them before. I just didn’t look. The last thing I wanted was to give them more ammunition. I saw through a gap in the huddle what they were doing. Using a deodorant can, and a lighter to burn the wooden bench. The smell was a mixture of acrid deodorant, lighter fuel, and scorched wood. I could see a black mark spread out, as the bench got hotter. That day, for some reason, I couldn’t look away.

They were all laughing and joking. Conway was the one burning the bench.

THEN HE FOUND ME

It wasn’t long before he saw me.

He looked at me for a minute, then grabbed the deodorant can and lighter from Conway, and said “I think it’ll work better outside by Penfold”.

It really hurt hearing that name. I didn’t even know why they called me it at the time. He walked slowly and purposefully towards me.

BACK AWAY

I started to walk backwards. I never turned my back on him. I was scared it would take too much time and that he’d catch up with me. I backed all the way across the road, as he followed me. I came up against a wall, so I changed direction slightly and moved in circles as fast as I could, with my bag slamming against my leg. I never seemed to get any real distance between us.

I was moving on pure fear. He was capable of anything. I was sure in that moment that if he caught me, I wouldn’t be getting on the bus.

ALL ALONE

There was no one to stop him. It was a small village in the mountains. No one much came along the road at all, let alone that early in the morning. I was totally alone. The others in the bus stop just watched. Some may have made comments, but I couldn’t hear anything except the word “Run!” which echoed inside my head over and over.

“OH, LEAVE HER ALONE”

After what felt like forever, but was probably only a few minutes, someone called out “Leave her alone”, and he did. He crossed the road to the bus stop, and joined the others. I stayed on the other side of the road, leant against the wall of the Chapel.

Carl called out, “Come on Penfold. Come back over,” but I refused. Tears rolled down my cheeks and my hands shook in spite of my efforts to stop them. They asked what was wrong, and said that it was only a joke.

THAT WAS WHEN I SLIPPED UP BIG TIME

“I’m scared of fire.” I said. In truth, I had a fire phobia from being caught in a fire when I was four.

No one came over to me. Some were scared; others just didn’t care or were amused. I tried to calm myself down. Tried… but failed as the images of myself on fire, being burnt as the simulated blowtorch raged on, and their laughter, flooded through my head.

PRETENDING

A few minutes later, the bus came. The tears had dried up, and I got on and sat down. No one knew that anything had happened. I could hear him as he joked and laughed at the back of the bus. I just looked out of the window, and tried to imagine that I was anywhere but there. My heart was still in my throat, and the knot in my stomach continued to twist inside me.

When we arrived at school, I was one of the last people off the bus. As he walked past, he waved the lighter at me.

NOT AN OPTION

I didn’t tell anyone. It wasn’t like it had happened on school property, so the teachers wouldn’t have been able to do anything. I didn’t tell my parents either. They had other stuff going on, and I didn’t want to worry them, or make things worse.

POWERFUL THREAT

On the bus home, he stopped beside me, “Did you tell anyone?”

I shook my head and tried to look braver than I felt.

He flicked the lighter on for a second, “Good. You’d better sleep with your eyes open from now on.”

NOT THE FIRST TIME

It wasn’t the first time he did this, and it wasn’t the last. But it was the most memorable, and the only time I let my guard slip and my fear show.

That time he really had found my true weakness.

AND NOW…

I can still see the images as if they are etched in my mind. The flames; the bench; their faces.

And then there are his eyes.

I’ll never forget that look…

Ever.