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My Boyfriend, Anxiety

Chapter One

By Reyna CannonPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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He's always been a part of my life. For a while, he was that childhood neighbor that I never understood. As I grew up, we got closer. He slowly got farther into my life. I got attached. He isn't the best for me, but he's the most I have.

I felt the bed dip to the side. A weight was just to the right of me, and I instantly knew what it was. I tried to bury my head in my pillows. Maybe he would give up and let me be.

"You'll be late if you don't get up, Hailey."

Damn. I rolled over onto my back, and I saw him looking down at me. Every time I looked at him I couldn't help but feel the uncontrollable butterflies that fluttered in my stomach. Almost so much that it made me nearly puke. He stood from my bed, walking over to my closet to put in his two cents on what would be worn. As he flipped through my wardrobe, he pointed out flaws in some of the outfits I had.

"Shows too much skin. People will think you're begging for attention."

"Why is this so baggy? Are you really that fat?"

"This color is something you would see on a second grader, why do you have it?"

After careful selection, I was finally dressed. Nothing fancy. Nothing out of the ordinary. A safe choice. He allowed me to play on my phone and eat a small bowl of oatmeal as he brushed my hair quietly, pulling it back into a neat ponytail. A stray strand hung just in front of my ear, but he paid no mind to it. Once he finished, he placed his hands on my arms gently. I looked at him in the mirror, giving him a look that seemed to ask, "Is it good?"

He smiled. A sign that he was satisfied with his work. I looked at the clock. Just in time, too. He was the reason I was so punctual. He woke me up early enough to get ready, have breakfast, and make it to school on time. He pat my arms, and he said, "Alright, let's get going."

He led the way out of my room and down the stairs. Mom and Dad had gone to work already, and the babysitter for my baby brother was due to show up any second. Then the doorbell rang. Right on time. I took my backpack from where it sat by the sofa, and I opened the front door. The babysitter smiled at me, and she said, "Good morning, Hailey."

"Good morning Alice," I said, "I was just on my way out."

"Perfect timing," she laughed. I laughed with her, and he cleared his throat. It was time to leave. I made sure Alice had everything she need, and she saw me out the door. He walked by my side to the bus stop, occasionally giving his opinions on what might come in the day.

"Hope you studied enough for your calculus test."

"You ate so much. Your weight is going to slow you down, and you'll be late."

"Did you make sure you had all of your supplies?"

It wasn't out of the ordinary. Just slight worries that stayed in the back of my head as the day continued on. I could feel his eyes on me as we walked, simply watching me. I found myself telling him quietly, "I'd like to have a quiet day today."

Silence. My request was kind of out there. I tried not to make too many requests when I was with him. I bit down on the inside of my cheek as I waited for a response. He was likely going to ignore the request, but he surprised me.

"Alright, Hailey."

Odd. It was always a challenge to subdue him in the mornings. Regardless, I thanked him. The rest of the walk was done in silence, and I was given time to relax. I looked up at the dimly lit sky. The sun was just rising, illuminating the sky with slight pinks and oranges. It was beautiful. I felt something brush against my hand, and I reached for it. He held my hand gently, just as a reminder that he was there with me. Something small. He wasn't causing any trouble. It was small gestures like that I appreciated the most.

Just before we arrived at the bus stop, I slowed my pace. He glanced at me curiously, and he stopped walking. I bit down on my lip, thinking about how I should phrase my next request. I held onto his hand, and I asked, "Could I... could I go by myself today? And you can stay home?"

He didn't respond. Not immediately, that is. He examined me for a minute, then he nodded.

"If that's what you'd like."

He kissed my forehead. Then I was alone with a small orange bottle resting in the palm of my hand. I breathed in, taking in the air that was around me. When I breathed out, I put myself into motion again. I approached the bus stop just as the bus was pulling up and students were lining up to board. I followed them, and just as I was walking down the narrow aisle of seats, my phone buzzed in my pocket. There was a text. A single message that caused the zoo in my stomach to stir. I brushed the loose strand of hair over my ear as I read the text.

Anxiety: Be safe today. I love you.

anxiety
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About the Creator

Reyna Cannon

I write things, sometimes. Duh. My writing mainly revolves around fiction with a bit of shitty poetry. I'm an actress, as well, and I am an avid music-listener. My work is usually fueled by angst or anxiety, so there may be a theme here.

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