I love the English language. Specifically when it is written. I have a hard time conveying my feelings and thoughts through spoken words, so I write often. However, I refuse to call myself a writer. I just can't bring myself to do it, because I feel like I'd be lying to myself. Here's why:
My "adventure" with boys really kicked off in seventh grade. I'm a high school senior now, so that was five years ago. In seventh grade, I was bullied by a boy that wanted to date me. But I didn't want to date him. Back then, I wasn't scared to say no to a boy. I didn't realize that doing so would make boys so much scarier to me. I was never scared of the various men in my life because they never gave me any reason to be scared of them. This was the first time I had ever been scared of a male figure. The bullying was all mental. I was scared of the boys who bullied me because they bullied me in a way that made me hate myself. Growing up I loved being me, so the bullying caused a whole bunch of conflicting feelings. I started questioning myself every single day. I became self-conscious about every part of me. My brain was fighting against me.
He's always been a part of my life. For a while, he was that childhood neighbor that I never understood. As I grew up, we got closer. He slowly got farther into my life. I got attached. He isn't the best for me, but he's the most I have.