My Biggest Fear

As a woman who has been blessed in her life to have most of what she wanted my biggest fear is dying feeling unfulfilled. It is easy to do, and many people who have accomplished much and at the end of their lives felt empty. This is what I do not want to happen to me. I did not even think of this until the pandemic caused the USA to close down in March 2020. Being shut-in for a while and then having to use some precautions that I usually would not have to think about when going out I started to ponder about the end of my life. Before March 2020 I was too busy to think about the end. Just had so much to do that I would be physically tired at the end the day.

Right now, our country is at an in-between stage with the pandemic. Where I live in Georgia, we were only shut down one month then are governor decided come hell or high water we were going to be free, so he said when he announced that all business was going to be free and reopen to operate in the state. I truly feel this type of attitude about a deadly virus was extremely reckless at the time. The rates of infection were still quite high, and our hospitals were in crisis mode. We lost a lot of people during this time. There are so many people I know on some level who were lost. A dear friend who worked with me on my book projects in now gone because of contracting Covid. She was a mother of four with a severe weight problem and some other ailments. This woman was a phenomenal poet she could write a poem about whatever topic in a matter of minutes. Not junk either something that would touch your soul.

She struggled in her life with some major emotional issues as well. However, she did it with so much grace. I think what she went through in her life would have just floored me! Then we lost one of our dear leaders in our community. Just like that here today and gone the next. My husband lost some nieces he was close to in his family with other family members catching the virus as well. Now that we seem to be getting a break from Covid many want to snatch off mask and go wild! Not thinking about others and how this may affect them. Although my business was upended by the virus I am now beginning to recover. It was necessary to make some huge changes and use technology more. I am learning how to do it and paying others to assist me with what I do not understand about online and social media marketing.

I know I will die someday. Thinking about it too much is not healthy at all. It can have negative impacts on your physical health as well as your mental state. Each day I must learn to take on what I am going to take on for that day and celebrate my victories large and small in the moment. Right now, I am promoting a book that is selling not selling well. Great reviews from people some of them I know personally however almost nothing in the sales department. One reason is that because of the pandemic I cannot be out among people to sell. Although it appears that the pandemic is easing there are still some areas of infection with low vaccination rates around the country and I cannot afford to be in large crowds due to me being a Type 2 diabetic and also being over-weight. Plus, a lot of my opportunities to meet new readers have not returned yet. Some may not return.

For now, I must learn how to use technology more effectively to continue to promote my book and my publishing business. This is one of my weakest areas. I just don’t understand most of it. There are ways to get out in the world and not leave your home. Using Zoom to invite people to see your book and hear you talk about it is one of them. This is something I am working on doing right now to get more readers interested in my book. It takes a little time and some patience however I know I can master the new technology I must in order to progress.

As I work to improve my writing, publishing and promotion strategy I pray, meditate and do not allow myself to sink into despair.