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Moving to England during Brexit and learning how to sing

First reaction: shock!

By Alessia MavakalaPublished 3 years ago 7 min read
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As an Afro Italian woman born and raised in Italy, with a mixed ethnic background of both Nigeria and Democratic Republic of Congo, the last thing I was thinking about was to randomly move to the United Kingdom, more precisely to a small, isolated, ethnocentric English village. I won’t mention the name because it is irrelevant in this story but what you need to know is that the difference between Italy and England is enormous and that there weren’t many choices regarding what subjects you wanted to study. I’d like to debate that the town is very posh, tidy and neat which is something I really adore. The school was of high rank in the county, however, it was the cultural difference between me and the people for me and most importantly the lack of desire most people in the school had to get to know a new person.

The streets of the town were silent and uninhabited compared to my Italian city and I felt like I landed onto a desert island where the people just appeared when I least wanted to see them. When I was walking to the supermarket, when I was trying to find jobs and when trying to go out and meet people outside the school circle. Someone was there, present, observing me from a distance without engaging in any kind of conversation. I looked at them to make the first move and before I noticed they were gone. Therefore like a chameleon I slowly started to hide myself.

Before I dive into the reasons why I couldn’t fit into that society, especially during my first year, I’d like to say that I learned how important it is to remove yourself from an environment that doesn’t serve you. I learned that there are many places in this world and that we should go where we are loved, cherished and accepted. I didn’t have a choice to leave, despite trying many times, however, my experience in that school is now a far away memory that taught me a lot about myself and will help me never change just to please others.

Leaving my friends and dealing with new people

I had to leave my friends behind and didn’t get a chance to properly say hello to them. The experience was excruciating because while I was trying to make new friends in the new place, I kept thinking that I really wanted to spend my time and my last years of teenage life with my beloved friends in Italy and not with a few strangers. Despite trying to get to know people, I had some sort of armour that didn’t allow me to be unapologetically me with them. Another reason is that the school has some sort of system that worked in favour of the ones who already knew each other. There were different groups of friends and as a person who mostly enjoys smaller circles, it was hard to fit in in any of them. I forced myself to join one of the groups but I constantly felt like a leftover, while they were joking about their childhood trauma, discussing their favourite childhood tv shows and talking about what a wonderful childhood they had together. I was just there, a human being from another country, feeling totally alienated by the situation because all the topics they were talking about were unfamiliar. All I wished for was for my best friends to be with me, because I enjoyed the amount of free time we were given in between each lesson.

Learning how to sing

I had to study a subject I didn’t want to study because the options were limited. On the first day of school I was given the list of subjects offered, that included a few of the topics you could have gone through during the academic year. One of the subjects was performing arts. I remember reading that you had the opportunity to choose what exactly you wanted to study so when I read that music was included I immediately asked my supervisor if music was compulsive or an option. With her confident voice she said it was a choice and I knew with all my heart that I didn’t want to do music and sing. All I wanted to focus on was acting. Learning how to sing is something I already tried in my Italian high school and it was not for me. I remember clearly why I joined the school quoir. The first days of school they introduced all the first year students to different courses and societies and hearing the older students sing was hypnotic, to the point that I really wanted to be one of them. When I joined I had the goal to learn how to sing however, I felt extremely overwhelmed by the amount of songs and rules we had to learn. This singing experience was enough to make me feel like leaving was the best option, so I did and I said to myself that I should only focus on things I like in the future.

When I met my performing art teacher, the first thing she gave me was a music sheet and a set of rules singers have to follow to be part of a musical. My heart was beating while my brain tried to process how I was going to pass the year, knowing I didn’t want to sing and didn’t enjoy singing in front of an audience. I was expecting to act and they were expecting me to sing while acting. I felt like a complete idiot while I imagined what an horrific year I was going to go through while I tried to improve my vocal skills. Each lesson was a reason to shed some tears and my desire to lose my voice was increasing, just so that I could have an excuse not to be there in class. Another tiring experience I had to go through during performing arts was the progress journal. After each lesson we had to write what we learned during the lesson, our goals for the future, our weaknesses and our strengths. I would say that coming up with strengths was the most draining task, as most of the time spent in that class was fatigue. Despite being able to use my voice to sing, I wasn’t able to use my voice to talk about my real feelings, especially with the people surrounding me.

Racism and Brexit

I was feeling completely detached from my ethnic background. In each class I went to there was no single black person and despite people talking about racism, they clearly didn’t know what racism is and the experience of being an ethnic minority. Hearing racist jokes on a daily basis was a reason why I didn’t feel safe talking about the topic with anyone. The political climate didn’t help either. Brexit was a major topic in most conversations and there I was, an immigrant black woman going to the country while they were trying to close the borders. Most conversations were about how I went to the country and a whole set of questions of why I was there. With suspicion eyes many people in the school tried to find out the real reason why I was there, asking more and more questions, and all I did was feel worse while realising that all the questions towards me weren’t about me but about me being an immigrant.

These feelings can be overwhelming and cause many insecurities. You are left behind while everyone walks past you through the school corridors and the class walls keep shrinking making you feel trapped. Many times I struggled to stay sane and realise that there were positive things happening in the school, this was mostly because the negative were more frequent than the positive but sometimes I believe that if you are not allowed to leave the place you are into it’s really healthy to put a bit more focus on the positive aspects. Here is the story of my cultural shock and how I was forced to learn how to sing. Let me know with a like or a tip if you’d like to know the few positive experiences I’ve had and why I wish they were more frequent.

Thank you very much for reading!

humanity
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About the Creator

Alessia Mavakala

Hey, I'm a filmmaker and I also love acting. Writing is my passion. I love interior design, good food and I believe self care is a form of art.

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