More Cruelty

What do you do when people only ever seem to offer you more cruelty along with that which they've already put into your life? I wish I knew, I really wish I knew. Maybe you turn the other cheek, or simply shrug it off? Maybe you combat cruelty with cruelty, or with love and compassion? I just don't know.

You see, it isn't the major things in life that I consider cruel. The big things, good or bad, always seem to be the easiest to deal with. It's the little things that seem to hit me the hardest. The not responding so I can talk to my son, even though it was agreed upon the day prior. The not keeping up with an agreement that was discussed simply because someone gave you an idea that would give you more ease in your own life... who cares about another, right?

It's that feeling of darkness that keeps chipping away at the light, little by little, with every little addition of a cruelty to another's life. It's that knowing life was already challenging and then finding out that even when you reach out for a small piece of hope it gets beat away by the smallest bit of cruelty hurled in your direction.

It feels as if no matter how hard you fight to be nice, and find grace and happiness in everything around, everybody who doesn't agree with your decision closes in on you and feeds off the pain caused by the cruelty they push on you. The cruelty caused by the littlest of comments and the smallest of actions. So what do you do when it feels like all you are offered is cruelty?

I wish I could say that everything will get better eventually and that you simply have to survive a little longer. I wish I could say that karma will come around to those who have hurt you so much. I wish that I could tell you that no matter how dark it gets you will only be given what you can handle. But I can't tell you any of that.

I can't tell you that a smile will fix everything. I can't tell you that a hug will make the pain melt away. I can't say that there is a bright, shining future just around the corner waiting for you to make the turn. I can't tell you any of this because none of it ever seems to work for me.

I know good things happen in my life. I know that there are little lights of hope and happiness that help to make life easier. What I don't know though is why no matter how happy you seem to get, such a little thing as an ignored message can feel like the entire world just ended... of course it didn't, but it feels that way at times.

So what do I do? I keep on keeping on. I mean, the only thing that has kept me from driving off a cliff, running my motorcycle into a tree, letting a sharp blade have its way with me, or any other myriad of options that I have considered, is the simple fact that no matter what, tomorrow will come and I don't know what it holds yet.

Tomorrow could hold more pain and cruelty. Tomorrow could hold a small light of hope. Tomorrow might be one of the happiest days of my life, or one of the hardest. As little of an adventure as a day might seem, the journey into tomorrow leads us into the biggest journey anyone could ever take... a lifetime.

I can't say that it'll get better. I can say that it'll get worse. What I can say, is that no matter how smart, or intuitive you think you are, tomorrow holds something new that you would have never guessed it was going to hold.

I play out a million, well it feels like a million, different scenarios of every day and every action, or choice I might make or encounter, yet I always see something that I've never guessed would happen. It might not always lead to something I would prefer, but it often leads into a direction which eventually leads me somewhere nice... if only for a while.

So when the world only seems to keep offering me cruelty, what do I do? I wait to see what tomorrow holds. If tomorrow is worse then I try to see what I can do to help make something better. It might not make everything better right then and there, but every little bit helps, and just like the little bits of cruelty adding up into a massive darkness. So to do all of the small bits of hope add up into a comforting happiness. It might not fix all the problems in life, but it at least makes it better for a few, and who knows, maybe it'll all add up into an amazing life at some point.

So find out what tomorrow brings, push on through the darkness and make a little light to help warm up the bitter cold that surrounds you. You never know, maybe it'll all add up faster than you think, but regardless, every little bit is something.

—Donnie