Where do I even begin about talking about my teenage years and what songs kept me alive during the time that I felt so lost. Each song will explain my feelings as to why I have emotional connections to each, and I may also get a bit personal so there may be some trigger warnings as I get personal.
Perfect by Simple Plan
I am not going to lie I was a fan of the Canadian band Simple Plan because they had such fun and upbeat messages but when Perfect made its public appearance all had seemed to make so much sense to me because during this time I was living with my grandfather after a sexual assault that had happened while living with my mother in another state. The as to reason I was raped was because I came out as bisexual even before pansexual became a thing. These God-fearing football stars of the school thought it would be okay to rape the gay right out of me and then turn around and blame the whole charade on me because I was promiscuous. The truth is those who raped me did not want to lose their scholarships or standing with their churches that taught them all this hate. This put a huge damper on myself confidence and because I was raped for being myself, I felt like I could not come out to my family because I thought I would be shunned and cast out. After this had happened, I started cutting myself, forming huge body dysmorphia, and spiraling into a form of depression because I thought nobody would ever accept me for who I was. My grandfather had shown so much understanding and unconditional love towards helping me get better through this time in my life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUi54JTgL5s
Welcome Home (Sanitarium) by Metallica
Even though this song came out way before my time I do feel that this song served a significant purpose throughout this very abusive and toxic relationship that I found myself in at fifteen. I initially got into this relationship thinking it was the coolest thing ever dating someone who was twenty-three. Everything was amazing at first until it came time hang out with my friends or dress in alternative /Goth fashion. He would become emotionally abusive with me when I would dress up in my own set of fashions and he did not want to be seen with a “Freak and he wanted me to dress normal, so his friends had someone to look at as well.” As time went on and I had moved I with him at the age of sixteen he had gotten too jealous of my friends he had pretended to be me on several occasions and tried to ravage my friendships. As the lyrics state” Whisper things into my brain assuring me that I’m insane (Metallica).” These lyrics prove everything about being in a toxic relationship because the more you stay and endure the more you lose grip with your own reality and become one with the lost. Could it be that we stay for so long because we think that he/she will change or because we become naïve with distortions of what our new reality will be like if we leave them? Not all of us make It out of this jungle alive. After four and a half years of going through this I walked out and never looked back.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUi54JTgL5s
Beauty Killer by Jeffree Star and Pretty Rave Girl by DJ S3RL
Listening to both songs brings a whole onslaught and slew of emotions because to get rid of the pain and heart break I felt came the stage of hardcore partying and ecstasy/ acid trips. Partying became a habitual habit. It felt this way because I felt pretty after I did these drugs because they helped to fill a hole in my life that I did not know how to fix. The best times came with this stage because I got to meet people who helped me grow as to becoming a part of the twenty-seven club.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUi54JTgL5s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUi54JTgL5s
Serenity by Godsmack
Please do not worry because there is not a tragic answer to this story. A few weeks before I turned nineteen, I had gotten pregnant with my son, and I knew then that I had to change for our future. I stopped thinking that drugs were the only option to help free who I was and started thinking about what kind of mother my son needed. May be the events that we go through help serve as steppingstones stones for a better future.
About the Creator
Keep reading
More stories from Charity Valdez and writers in Psyche and other communities.
Love of those of who can not speak
Within examining more into this quote from Aristotle, I do believe our own passions and happiness come from within ourselves. They are experiences and ideas as we once out together as a child or teen trying to figure out and learn who we are. For some the reason of happiness and passion can come from the mechanics of trains to body modifications. As for myself my ideas of happiness and passion has comes from Special Needs children and adults because I have grown up with a cousin who has special needs but was born with a heart of gold. Growing up with my cousin I just thought he was a normal kid like myself until one of my family members explained to me that he was born with Fetal alcohol syndrome and because his health issues he may not make it passed the age of twelve. Let me tell you even though my cousin went through so many surgeries nothing had stopped his superhuman strength in appearing in the Special Olympics. Growing up and getting to know my cousin has been a true blessing because he has inspired me to be a better person for those who need my help. Ever since then I have been able to get many certifications and help speak up for those who need a voice and a shoulder to lean on. I was working at a place called SYC in New Mexico and for the past several years that I have worked here it has taught me so much. SYC is a safe and secure place for adult with special needs to enjoy activities such as swimming, making arts and crafts, reaching their everyday goals, teaching them how to cook, and feel comfortable within their own skin. Even though some of my clients could not speak I found complete joy in them because they all came with their own sense of life and had very bright personalities. Learning to love and care for someone other than myself has taught me a lot about what my intended purpose is in life. I guess you can say that I have a maternal instinct that comes naturally to me and helping to watch those grow is an amazing feeling. Do not get me wrong it can be a little challenging just by the small yet simple things. Some activities have to be retaught day in a day out like for example basic hygiene or helping them with simple tasks around the house. I find that learning to care of someone can be challenging yet fulfilling because even though you may have a set schedule your client, family, or doctors can change things at any time. Expect the unexpected when being a part of this job. I feel like I got the natural part of taking of people because I had learned to take care of my grandfather when I was a teenager just to make sure he had the right diet because had diabetes. When you learn to be selfless and love those who ten to need it the world becomes a better place for the both of you. Special needs people don’t need some who hurts them but rather a person who they can trust and confide in. We as caretakers need to help them understand why we are there for them and how we can make the world a better place because they are put here in our lives to teach us lessons on how they feel what a devoted friend and caretaker should be. Our clients are the ones who have the greatest intuition on who is a good person and who is not just by their very own experiences. In the end my clients have taught me so much on how to be a better caretaker for them and I would not change it for the world.
By Charity Valdez3 years ago in Humans
"Unusual Behavior: Oumuamua Heading Our Way"
Nobody expected an alien visitor in 2017, until 'Oumuamua showed up. Its odd shape and strange behavior left scientists baffled, sparking wild theories, including those of alien origins. Discovered by Hawaiian astronomers, its name, meaning "messenger from afar," adds to its enigmatic charm. But now, NASA scientists have issued a final, shocking warning: 'Oumuamua is not what we thought, and it's heading back to Earth right now. Join us as we race against time to uncover its true nature before it approaches our planet again! Oumuamua is really important because it's the first thing ever to come into our solar system from somewhere else far away in space. This is a huge deal and very interesting because it's unlike anything we've ever encountered. Imagine someone or something new showing up in your neighborhood; that's how scientists feel about Oumuamua. When it was first noticed in the year 2017, it caught everyone by surprise. Since then, people, especially scientists, have been really curious, trying hard to understand what this object is and where it originated from. It's not like the normal space rocks or ice balls, known as asteroids and comets, that we usually find zooming around our sun. That's what makes it so special and a bit of a puzzle for everyone. When we speak about Oumuamua, we're discussing a very intriguing topic in the world of astronomy. This visitor from beyond has wandered into our solar neighborhood, and it was something no one predicted or expected. You can think of it as an unexpected guest at a gathering, where everyone is interested in learning more about the newcomer. What makes it stand out is its strangeness and how it differs from everything we're used to in our cosmic environment. This has sparked a lot of enthusiasm and curiosity among the scientific community.
By Manjunatha7 days ago in Psyche
Spectating
I can't imagine dying like this, in a place like this; on a cold, dirty pavement with rush hour traffic screaming by and a crowd looking on while paramedics struggle to find space to move. Who could? Deep down we all think there should be a reason, a moment of clarity... or a family presence, at least. For this man, this boy, the rail thin woman lighting a cigarette in a faux fur jacket will have to do - she's been here since the start, her eyes tracking the movement of my shoulders as we fight to keep him on the right side of the line.
By S. A. Crawford6 days ago in Fiction
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.