Mens Mental Health: A Crisis

Mental health issues are at epidemic level. With government funding low and availability of resources even lower, it is time to seek alternative methods to help protect the mental health of our loved ones. The worst affected demographic, is men. In the UK, 84 men commit suicide every week, Welsh men being the majority. Leaving behind friends, family, girlfriends, boyfriends and babies because existence is unbearable. Something has to change.

Although male suicide rates are skyrocketing, men only make up 36% of GP referrals; the most at-risk demographic has somehow become the least supported. Revolutionising the way men deal with their own mental health struggles, empowering them to gain the confidence to embrace their vulnerability, is River Hawkins. River sought talking therapy after battling with depression. By the fifth session, although he was seeing an improvement, he was told “I couldn’t get more help, they said I had to be suicidal if I was to have more sessions”.

The fact that there is a lack of “preventative measures”, to help men before suicide becomes even a passing thought, is detrimental to all men suffering with mental health issues, and their loved ones. After experiencing this “turning point” Hawkins founded {Humen} a space for men to engage with their own feelings and that of others, in a safe “non-clinical” environment. “When I was trying to seek talking therapy, I felt like a number… these sessions were in a hospital and I spent the first half ticking boxes”. It is time for worldwide acceptance of the fact it is okay to admit you are suffering, you don’t need a hospital because you aren’t sick. A space to chat is needed, where we can get advice, structure and help, that doesn’t feel like a chore, or overly intimidating, or to feel like you have to talk at all, a space where you can just listen and feel safe. “Often, if people don’t want to talk, they just listen and hear something that unlocks a response, creating this amazing domino effect” River tells me, knowing you aren’t alone in your suffering is often the key to progression. It proves to you things can get better.

Yet, why is group engagement so necessary in combatting mental health struggles in men? “We are more technically connected, but physically isolated than ever” Says River, who believes “lack of human nurturing and relationships” are partly to blame for this crisis society is facing. It is only disappointing that it has taken so long to realise how pivotal human connection is for maintaining mental wellness. “When I searched for organisations that could help me in my recovery, I found so many phonelines” which although useful, there is comfort to be found in face-to-face connection, on the phone “talking is forced” when sometimes, you aren’t there yet.

{Humen} is unique in its approach, acknowledging how hard it can be to open up. “Boys are taught to reject anything feminised; empathy, compassion, vulnerability… anger is always our go-to” growing up, River realised discussions based around emotions are exempt from the learned behaviour of boys. “As men, we have to comply with the outdated notion that we have it all together and in turn emotions get downplayed”. This has led to many resorting to anger, frustration and violence when things get too much, whether that violence is directed towards themselves or others. The fact men and boys are not taught to embrace their own vulnerability is perhaps the crux of the issue here. More men are alcohol or drug dependent, 95% of the prison population, and make up 75% of all suicides. This societal expectation is killing the men we love. Yet, the beauty of {Humen} proves, it’s never too late. The past can’t be changed but maybe we can make the future a more supportive and hopeful place to be.

{The Humen Space: A Gym for the Mind, can be found at the Chapter Arts centre Cardiff, Mondays 6:30-7:30pm}