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Made Of Moments

Chillhopping Through Scattered Time

By Julia DurninPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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Made Of Moments
Photo by S Migaj on Unsplash

Meditation.

It has a way of bringing me to the present moment. Getting me out of my head and guiding me back to myself. It has trained me to slow down. To better witness emotions as they arise. And most importantly, it has taught me to embrace the pause. To take my time to respond authentically, rather than react without care or intention.

Life is made of moments. I try to remind myself of that. It’s hard though when so often a single moment can seem to ruin a whole day. Often it means I scrap the entire day, while just hoping tomorrow goes my way. Sometimes I catch myself, though. I’m slowly gaining better perspectives, building a stronger foundation, and challenging myself to do better.

If there was one word to describe me, it would be scattered. Part of experiencing Bipolar Disorder and ADHD for me means I want everything life has to offer. I want to experience it all, consume it all, love it all. It’s exhausting. I struggle with pacing myself, following the steps that I plan out, and maintaining the confidence in order to see things through.

By Hans-Peter Gauster on Unsplash

That’s where meditation has made a profound impact on my life. I understand now that between all these moments are other moments. So many of them I don’t make use of. My brain gets preoccupied, overtaxed, and I lose sight of the here and now.

I’m a little embarrassed to admit this whole topic used to make me cringe, as I’m not a spiritual person. But through constant downhill battles and struggling in every facet of my life, I became determined to open myself to new things. I learned how meditation is a powerful tool to strengthen the nervous system. I understand now it doesn’t have to be spiritual to add value to my life. There is so much versatility in the practice it can be almost anything I want it to be.

The number one thing that has helped me in this has been audio and music. If I’m looking for a traditional practice, I may use guided meditation for progressive relaxation. We all have our own preferences, and it took a lot of searching to find one's I vibed with. The key for me is finding the right track with soothing ambient beats and a deep male voice.

I find the following animation helpful to breathe along with. Not only does it encourage slower breathing through the diaphragm, but using a visual aid can better pull me from the other thoughts demanding my attention.

And below is a particularly useful visual aid as it simulates a breathing technique called 4-7-8.

If I’m really having difficulty clearing my head, I may use movement or observing nature to facilitate the calm. In those moments, I often go to zen-inducing musicians. Ichika Nito's music sounds like something from out of this world. He has an ability like none other to put me in a trance. There is such an interesting build of tension and dissonance in his music. It's colorful, but in a darker, more thoughtful way.

Often times I use white noise, like raindrops falling on a rooftop, to block out the rest of the world and induce calm. But my absolute favorite escapes are lofi chillhop. I am SO happy that jazz is cool again.

This genre takes easy ambient listening, old-school vinyl feel, hiphop, jazz and transforms it into true works of art. It's repetitive without feeling redundant and stimulating enough without feeling distracting. Plus, the genre tends to have blissful and thoughtful animated illustrations that are perfect companions for realigning my thoughts.

To be honest though, even after all the good it’s done for me, I often feel practicing is a waste of time. In those moments of practice, I rarely get immediate benefits. What I’ve realized though is it's strengthening my ability to call upon that calm, that balance, at times where I need it most; when I’m shaken and off-kilter.

Learning to pace myself and slow down has helped me physically, cognitively, and emotionally. Most incredibly, it has helped me understand myself better. Now, I can see that I am a product of many things, more than just my disorders. I may be scattered, but I believe someday my pieces could make me whole. I just need to spend more time putting it all together.

By Ross Sneddon on Unsplash

🤔 How do you cope with the passage of time?

| A sincere thank you to everyone supporting my work! Tips allow me to make this a priority in my life. But even simply leaving a comment or a like is SO appreciated, and it helps convince me that this is a goal worth pursuing |

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About the Creator

Julia Durnin

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