Lockdown: Week 2 - Flair of Anxiety

2020 has got to be the weirdest year I've gone through. Most days this week (starting: 30th March) I've been thinking about how unbelievable this all is. It just doesn't seem possible that something like this is happening all around the world. Its starting to feel more and more like a bad dream, something this worldwide just can't be possible.

Working from Home...

Working for a website and an essential business, I consider myself very lucky to be able to continue working from home. This week has allowed me to really think back on work and realise that I'm actually rather proud of the company that I work for and the work that I do.

There is something relaxing about being able to wake up each morning and know what you're going to do that day. I still need to work out the kinks and get a good routine set up for work so that there is a definite plan of action for each day.

Now, there have been many days this week where I've hit a brick wall. I would be sat at my computer just clicking through what I was doing with no real conviction. It was as if all the fun of work had been sapped out of me; I think not being around the people I work with in the office helps engage me and keep me thinking about work, at home I don't have that anymore. I'm hoping with this week over I'll be able to continue as normal next week.

High anxiety...

For a number of years now I've always struggled with anxiety, its mainly manageable. Then when certain things happen and it'll rear its ugly head again. This year it has definitely been given reason to appear again.

I don't think I've ever dealt well with change, it makes me nervous and puts me on edge. Boy was this the biggest change that myself and everyone in the world has faced. There have been some days where it feels like a nightmare; sitting around all day in the house on my own has been hard. My boyfriend is still able to go to work, so there are hours where I must keep myself occupied to avoid losing it entirely.

Having been trying to entertain myself for two weeks, I think it finally took its toll. There hasn't been a day this week where I haven't felt fatigued, laying on the sofa or in bed has taken up most of my time (other than working of course). Over this week I've been trying to make lifestyle changes to ensure that the next couple weeks (or months) go by as smoothly as possible.

Missing my family...

When the news was first announced that the country would be going into lockdown my heart skipped a beat. It was only upon hearing we weren't allowed to visit family made me lose it, there were tears in my eyes. My family live about an hour away, and they are the most important thing to me - the fact I'm not able to go and visit hurts me. Of course, there is always phone calls and Facetime, but its not the same as physically being near them.

Since then, we're coming up to over a month since I was last with them. It doesn't seem like a long time to some, but having been used to seeing them fairly often it feels like an absolute lifetime. However, I do understand that staying away is for their own benefit, I'd be more upset if I didn't visit them and then inadvertently made them ill.

Hope for the future...

At the end of the day I can only try and look to the future with hope. This situation is most likely going to last a while so we'll eventually all settle into this "new normal" at some point. I'm just hoping that "some point" comes sooner rather than later.