Living with an Anxiety Disorder

About Anxiety...

I have suffered from an anxiety disorder ever since my early teens (I am now in my early forties), before such conditions were commonly diagnosed or recognized and over the years I have learnt a few strategies that are often (but not always) helpful in managing my condition.

Here I would like to share a few of those strategies for those readers that might find them helpful…

…But first, for those without experience of an anxiety attack or disorder, I would like to explain a little about the condition that I am writing about.

Imagine your most anxious moment…perhaps it was pre-exam or pre-interview nerves, pre-wedding nerves, finding a spider in the bath tub or realizing that you have lost your purse, wallet or house keys.

Now times that moment of sheer panic, dread and tension and by about one hundred… and then imagine that it may never end, because for many of us that panic is a day-to-day constant.

It grips our chests in iron claws, alters our heartbeat and pulse rate, affects our sight and hearing, makes us sweat and yawn uncontrollably.

It causes head, stomach and muscle pain, it causes nausea and diarrhea.

It makes us feel faint and restless, terrified of everything until we are panicking about the possibility of the panic coming on.

It causes paranoia or debilitates our ability to think at all and therefore ruins our social interactions, making us appear aggressive, ill-mannered or distant. It makes us isolate ourselves to the point of being unable to fulfill our basic needs and necessities such as running day-to-day errands or seeking routine medical care.

It isolates us because we become anxious about anxiety and how we will appear to others whilst we are caught up in an attack. It causes guilt, loneliness, depression and often thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

It destroys our lives and eats away at our souls…

…but it can be conquered, it is not always easy (anything worth doing rarely is) but it can be done.

At this point, I feel that I should point out that I am not a trained professional and do not claim any expertise other than personal experiences of my own.

These are just some of the tactics that have been helpful to me.

Good Professional Help...

This for me has been one of the hardest steps that I have taken to gain some control over my anxiety yet has been by far the most helpful.

Whilst the initial assessment did cause me considerable anxiety beforehand the assessment itself was relatively painless and the person doing the assessment was considerate and understanding of my condition and did all she could to ease my time with her.

Medication...

A lot of people fear the meds due to the horror stories that are often spread across the media and social media of the possible side effects yet for me they have quite literally been a life saver as the overwhelming and emotionally exhausting effects of depression and anxiety often made me have suicidal thoughts that were hard to overcome.

The meds have allowed me breathing space for my other therapies and health treatments to be effective, they have allowed me some clarity of mind to be able to see my mental health issues more clearly without the fog of panic.

I also have epilepsy and my seizures are often triggered by stress but due to the impact of my antidepressants, my seizure count has been cut by ninety percent.

Meditation...

I'm not talking about sitting crossed legged on your coffee table chanting, though if you find that is what helps you then have at it.

What I mean here is taking a moment of peace and calm to yourself and making it a daily habit to just have a few moments of relaxation.

For me it’s an early morning cup of coffee before everyone else wakes up. Twenty to thirty minutes to concentrate on the lightening sky, the taste of my coffee and watch my dogs enjoy their early morning run around the garden…

…without, it is important to add, allowing any worries or plans for the day to trespass on the moment.

Give Your Worries Only the Time That They Are Worth...

Now this one does take some practice but is achievable.

Its about shutting down the thoughts once that you find yourself uselessly dwelling on it or going over old ground again and again.

The constant narrowing in on an issue tends to be counterproductive as when we spend too much time thinking of the perceived problem we can become blind to the possible solution or the true reality of the situation as our thoughts can become tangled and corrupted by our state of mood.

Try doing something else and if you must address the issue try to come back to it when in a calmer, clearer thinking state…possibly with pen and paper so that you can see the facts before you instead of them spinning out of control in your mind.

Sleep...

Many mental health sufferers, such as me, struggle with insomnia and know how exhaustion can amplify any worry or negative emotion.

It was explained to me, by my therapist, that when we sleep our mind processes the day-to-day data that it has collected and files it tidily away into the correct compartments.

When this process fails to happen, due to a lack of sufficient of good quality sleep the ability to retain information and create memories is dramatically reduced.

A lack of sleep also disrupts levels of hormones such as serotonin, dopamine and cortisol, all of which affect thought, mood and energy.

Routine...

For me, living to a routine generally makes life more manageable.

Even from our earliest days, as small children, most of us find comfort and a feeling of safety and security in routines and as an adult the well practiced flow from one task to another can help us maintain the momentum that we need to make headway through the never ending list of things that we need to do.

Without a routine I tend to run out of steam far too easily and do far less of the things that need doing, my moods tend to drop far easily and unexpectedly and my sleep/ wake pattern gets knocked out of sync affecting not only my mental health but also my meds and other illnesses.

Live Healthily...

Although this might sound obvious to most, most of us ,including me, actually don’t.

Oh, I manage it for short periods of time and during that time I gain massive benefits but then my will power wanes and I slip into the old habits of too much coffee, junk food, chocolate, cake and fizzy drinks.

Though caffeine and sugar and even artificial sweeteners when consumed in excess do have an effect on my mental (and physical) health in the past I have been affected far worse by other substances.

In the past I have, as many do, self-medicated with alcohol and street drugs (mostly cannabis)…

…In the early days of their use these substances were some small help but all too soon they failed to be so and began to worsen the problem massively to the point of pushing me into a mental health crisis.

Another thing that has a huge impact on my mood and is a side effect of my other illness is the missing of meals.

I have noticed over the years that during the periods of time when lupus and IBS restrict my ability to take in sufficient nutrition my mood and anxiety will be more difficult to keep under control.

Learning to Let Go...

I know, I know. It sounded so patronizing to me the first time I was told this one too but once I had thought about the woman’s explanation it all made sense…

…but of course it isn’t always easy, or in fact possible, in every situation or crisis yet it is worth a try.

Often, even with all of our most cleverly thought up resources and best intentions, there is nothing that we can do about a situation. Or, perhaps, the issue that is causing us anxiety is not actually our problem and we a worrying on behalf of a loved one.

Whatever the issue, us getting into a terrible state over it rarely makes any difference at all and when it does it only usually serves to make it worse…

…it is like not over thinking but just more final.

Of course there are some things that I will be anxious about no matter what but for others I’ve learnt to tone down my anxiety and some I’ve emotionally disconnected myself from completely because life’s just too short to spend it worrying about what I can’t change or control.

Know Yourself...

By know yourself I mean learn what works for you, what you need to do to keep yourself healthy and together.

Learn the patterns of behavior and mood that might indicate that its time that you sought help, learn your triggers and limits and slowly and gently push at them (with professional help if needed).

Learn how to get the most out of your life as it is and how you can make it better…

…most of all learn who you are and who you want to be, because most of us loose ourselves as our demons begin to take over.

Get Help...

Talk to someone you trust.

Let family or friends know what's going on for you. They may be able to offer support and help keep you safe.

There's no right or wrong way to talk about suicidal feelings – starting the conversation is what's important.

Who else you can talk to

If you find it difficult to talk to someone you know, you could:

Call your GP—ask for an emergency appointment

Call 111 out of hours—they will help you find the support and help you need

These free UK help lines are there to help when you are feeling down or desperate.

Unless it says otherwise, they are open 24 hours a day, every day.

Samaritans—for everyone

Call 116 123

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – for men

Call 0800 58 58 58—5pm to midnight every day

Papyrus—for people under 35

Call 0800 068 41 41—Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm, weekends 2pm to 10pm, bank holidays 2pm to 5pm

Text 07786 209697

Childline—for children and young people under 19

Call 0800 1111—the number won't show up on your phone bill

The Silver Line—for older people

Call 0800 4 70 80 90