Legendary Poetry: Elation

Elation

Why do I feel this way? By all means, I should feel as though a ton of bricks were dropped directly on my head while I "rested" on a bed of sharp nails. My pain, my evil and cruel "friend", haunts me, torments me, and harrases me daily, nightly, and whenever he, surely it must be a he as he is as brutal as the worst dictator might be, both wants and desires. And so I sit ith my head in my hands curled up int e fetal position doing the best I cn to endure my pain. I have long since hoped that my pain will actally go away because the fact of the matter is, my pain has NOT gone away. What does all of this have to do with elation or happiness you may ask. Please be patient with me and let me tell you the tale that will eventually answer this important question.

And so what am I supposed to do to deal with my pain? I have taken all of the specific prescribed dosages of the scientifically crafted medications designed to reduce though not eliminate pain and I have taken all of the over-the-counter pain medications that a "normal" to alleviate their pain but I have found that it's still not enough. Would that I could EVER be normal in ANYTHING! Prehaps you feel the same way as I have found that pain, in whatever manner it comes in, is universal in bredth and scope. And perhaps, like me, I resorted to anything and anything to relieve me of my pain. In my case, I resorted to a source of pain relief which has been common for many for eons in the past. I took to the bottle and drank freely hoping that I might find some relief.

I resorted to imbibing, a fancy name for drinking, alcohol known by the scientific term Ethanol or Ethyl alcohol, known by respected and dignified scientists around the world as its molecular formula is C2H5OH. Well, its molecular formula is C2H5OH, if I may be so arrogant to call it that, seemed to remove most of my pain in conjunction with my other pain medications. lets just call them pain meds for short, shall we? And so I reasoned incorrectly that if a little liquor removed pain, more liquor would naturally remove even more pain. This seemed logical to me so I took another drink, and another, and another, ad infinitum to my brief demise.

When I ingest, or drink (why do I insist on being so formal here?), my C2H5OH or Ethanol, or, fuck it, my Vodka, I find that my pain is reduced greatly after I have waited the appropriate amount of time after I have taken my pain meds. Please do not assume that I am giving some official, unorthodox plan for those who experience pain like I do 24/7 to do likewise. I am NOT giving such advice as I think generally what I do to reduce pain is actually a dangerous plan of action that should NOT be taken, including myself but I do so because my pain is so great and intense that I don't know what else to do.

And so I engage in this dangerous practice against medical approval just so I may be able to sit quietly, smoke a cigarette (the practice of smoking which is discouraged by respectable doctors and nurses worldwide), listen to my rock music at a volume that does not disturb my friends and neighbors, and hope for the best. That's the best that I can do and that's ALL that I can do. So I pursue this as my routine and generally find that it relieves me of most of my pain. Again, I strongly advise against the use of alcohol as a pain releiving measure. The only reason I do this is as a last ditch effort to help me copie with my intense pain. In a twisted way, acting the way I do gives me a false sense of elation that helps me through the day. But I must change the course of this story to get to the actual matter at heart.

And so, I would assume that many of you readers might be wondering why this short story is called "Elation" and what my sad story of woe has anything to do with elation or happiness for that matter. I wondered that myself as I began writing this tale by coming up with the title feeling that it would be a tale of heroic acts that led to joy and happiness and all of that shit. And yet, when my fingers hit the keyboard I found myself typing a different type of tale all together. My fingers are controlled by my brain and soul. These things seem to have a mind of their own and act symbiotically togethr in such a fashion that they control my very actions and being. Eventually, their curious and mysterious ways are revealed to me as the words you see become rational and logical and the meaning of the story not only takes root but becomes an entire mature tree to use a horticultural metaphor.

Why? You may ask. Why have I taken you down this particular path which starts with pain, continues with my use of alcohol which I have described as dangerous measure to reduce my pain, and led to where we are presently. Have I deliberately deceived you the respected and honored readers by falsely labeling this short story and telling you a different story all together? Or am I insane and you are reading the exploits of a truly disturbed man? No, I insist that none of these things are the case. You see, I have found that in life times of elation are preceded by times of great pain and trouble. And such is the case with this story. So let me tell you my story and out of respect for you the reader, I will make it a short one.

To be true to my promise, let me tell you the end of the story first. And he lived happily after all. Well, it's not so simple as that but it IS as simple as that. You see, I live with constant and almost unbearable pain. Typing this tale that you are reading is something that I do with great difficulty. And I truly mean this when i say this. It aches my very fingers to the core as I write what I am writing but I suffer doing this because ultimately, I will share with you a universal truth that I feel all people, myself included, needs to know and be aware of.

Some friends hear of my pain and say such things as, "I'll pray for you," "Hang in there," or my least favorite saying, "No pain, no gain," as if my saying this to me I will somehow be encouraged to endure my pain with a bright cheery smile on my face knowing that eventually at some unknown time and place I will gain a tremendous benefit from the crippling pain that I have to endure RIGHT NOW! Well, to those well meaning people, especially to those who dared to arrogantly tell me, "No pain, no gain," I have exactly two important words to share with them with an exclamation mark strategically placed for emphasis: Fuck you!

These people, while they have the best of intentions, are of no help to me whatsoever. It would be far better to me if they merely said to me, "I'm sorry to hear you are suffering. I feel really bad for you. I wish that there was something that I could do for you. Can I call you tomorrow to see how you are doing?" If I was to ask one wish from the wish fairy, it would be that my friends who know that I am experiencing pain would say just exactly that and no more.

Perhaps I might be willing to accept their prayers better if it was preceded by what I just said, but not without those specific words to back up their actions with the conviction that I feel their friendship should have for me. Sometimes, people tell their friends, "I got your back." What a wonderful thing to say particularly if the person saying it REALLY means it! And that is the kind of person that I want to associate with. A person who has my back and who I can cover their back also. Which brings us back to the idea of elation.

Elation, or happiness, does not happen in a vacuum or bubble, in my opinion. We feel elation in life for several reasons. Perhaps something great happened to us, perhaps a personal best or promotion of some type was achieved, perhaps a milestone was past, perhaps a new relationship was created of an existing one was improved, or perhaps someone did something noteworthy, either small or big, that caused the victor to raise a glass and celebrate their achievement. In any of these cases elation is acquired in my opinion, and, in the opinion of other wise and knowledgeable individuals.

Elation is something that can either be easily achieved or achieved only after great effort. Sometimes the amount of effort required to achieve elation is Herculean in nature. Very often that is usually the case and I think that most reasonable people can attest to that fact. It is these very instances where elation is like a fine wine to be savored for all it's worth for the very reason that it was like a mountain hiker who had just scaled and conquered K2 in the Pakistan-China border, the most dangerous mountains to scale in the world, and planted the flag of his unique country in celebration of his or her achievement resulting the wave of elation that they naturally feel.

Have I scaled and conquered any mountain ever? No, I could never do that. I am basically disabled and have a hard time even walking across the hallway of my house. But I have conquered other mountains in my life. I deal wih menal illness, specifically bipolar disorder, and conquer it by taking my medication daily, seeing my psychiatrist and therapist at reglar intervals, and taking good care of my health in general. I also take simlar care of my diabetic condition. I tkae my diabetes insulin daily as prescribed by my doctor, eat healthy and nutritious meals as recommended by my ntriotionist, and get as much exercise as I am physiclly able to given the amount of pina that I deal with. To put it bluntly and crudely, I'm taking care of my shit and, as a result, I feel true elation. Which brings to my mind Chevy Chase declaring new the ned of the humorous movie, Christmas Vacation, "Hallelujah! Holy Shit!" Holy shit, indeed. lol.

And that's the end of my sad yet happily ever after tale. I've been through some shit but eventually my sadness was converted to gladness. How? By raw determination and by doing the right and correct thing. Am I a hero because of what I have accomplished? Absolutely not. Let me repeat that for emphasis, ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! i am just a normal guy going through extraordinary troubles and pain but who on the face of this world isn't?

I would like to take this opportunity to celebrate the true heros in this godforsaken world: Every and any person who has experienced pain like I have but who have suffered in quiet dignity while absolutely NOBODY was there for them to comfort them in any way, to get them a cold cup of water, to make them a meal because they knew that that person was incapable of doing so because of their disability, to every single person who has suffered some debilitating ordeal, whether physical, mental, or psychological and had the bold courage to get right up out of bed and go about their work as if nothing ever happened to them or as is they had no pain at all while in reality they are in so much pain that they would cry out in anguish but they don't because they don't want to cause anyone around them to feel sorry for them or to feel unnecessary pity on them.

These folks are the true heroes in the world in my humble opinion. And it is these very people who experience elation in a manner both wide and deep tath I will NEVER experience because these very people are the true saints of the world and they would NEVER acknowledge that fact for the very reason that they are, in fact and in deed, truly humble and innocent. I aspire to be such a person in the future. It can't happen now because I am too arrogant and prideful to make that happen. I can, however, enjoy a measure of elation in my life and this fact keeps me keeping on, it floats my boat if you will, it inspires me, encourages me, and propels me forward to be a better man and a better citizen of this lowly place we call Earth.

And so, in he end, I am experiencing elation despite my pain and suffering which I described earlier. I actually feel good about my life despite what it may seem. And that is the true good news about life. Specifically, that elation is possible for us to achieve if we are just willing to work towards it and for it. Elation is not always easy to achieve, sometimes it is but most times it is the most difficult task that we can pursue. But elation is always possible and is always achievable by anyone, including you and I. And that is the true moral of this story.