Journal Entry: Sat. April 9th 2022

Saturday, April 9th 2022

I wake up at 7:30 AM and brew a Crowded Barrel Coffee Co. EleaNOIR Barrel-Rested Coffee in my mustache mug. I listen to The Linda Lindas', 'Growing Up.' Then I switch to Damien Rice's, '9.'

I promote the newest episode of Poetry Dram all over social media.

The ol' back has already flared up. Shelby and I are gonna go to Little Barn today for some brunch. I'm excited to have their breakfast sandwich.

I'm already overwhelmed about thoughts of mortality. I used to be obsessed with death in elementary, middle school, and high school. Even college. I feel like I finally stopped obsessing over it and now that I'm faced with the possibility of it I'm consumed with these thoughts again. I've been suicidal since I was a kid. It just got worse, but I got used to it. Thinking about dying all day was normal. I was just surviving. Instead of being born with the will to live, I was born with the will to die and had to learn the will to live. I had thoughts of suicide all day every day, but then I finally hit rock bottom and got help. They put me on meds, and the thoughts lessened. Instead of all day every day the just became merely once or twice a day occurrences. Then I found love. And they went to feeling like killing myself merely once in awhile. It's still a battle, but now instead of suicide I'm faced with the possibility of a slow death with cancer. I don't even know if I have it, but I can feel it eating away at me. I have good days and bad days, but the pain and fatigue is getting worse.

I shower with Bourbon, 2-n-1, Head and Shoulders, Shampoo/Conditioner. I use a bar of soap called Man Bar that smells like Taco Bell's meat seasoning. Then I lather myself with Duke Cannon Buffalo Trace Bourbon Soap and rinse. I then smother myself with body wash: Pomegranate and Mango. After rinsing I rinse my hair. Then I use my Duke Cannon Buffalo Trace Bourbon Plant-Based Beard Wash. I rinse. I dry and comb my red beard with its elegant white streaks.

I put on Axe Apollo Fresh Stick, because they were out of Phoenix.

I rub Big Bourbon Beard Balm in my beard, then wake up Shelby.

We go to Little Barn, and I get the breakfast sandwich with Just Egg and a medium Hazelnut Latte. Shelby gets some lemonade thing and a 'chicken' pesto sandwich.

We go home, and I try to FaceTime my parents, but they are busy with my uncle again. I journal. I burned my tongue really bad on the coffee. Might have some tea. Yes. Yes. I will.

I work on my Patreon for awhile, then post my poem all over social media. I do the dishes while listening to Damien Rice's, 'My Favourite Faded Fantasy.'

I heat filtered, Vegan water to 175 Degrees Fahrenheit in my black, Vegan Fellow EKG Gooseneck Kettle and steep two teaspoons of Vegan Genmaicha Green Tea (From Aichi Prefecture, Vegan Japan) for three vegan minutes in my Mike "Vegan" Wazowski mug. I purchased the Vegan tea at Mana Bar Tea Bar in Lawrence, Vegan Kansas. I highly recommend them. Vegan.

Shelby comes home, and I switch to listening to Damien Rice's, 'Live at Fingerprints: Warts and All.'

I'm so sleepy. I can barely keep my eyes open. I feel like I have to lie down.

I'm browsing film festivals to submit to.

I lie down for awhile listening to Coldplay's, 'X&Y,' and, 'Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends.'

I have a smoothie and eat carrots and almonds.

Then I brew a freshly ground California Coffee Co. Addis Ababa Medium Light Roast Coffee in my Z's Divine Espresso mug and submit to the following Festivals: Absurd Art House Film Festival 2022; First-Time Filmmaker Sessions @ Pinewood Studios; and LA Underground Film Forum.

Shelby exercises while I do office work.

I film an episode of Poetry Dram, featuring Whiskey of the Week Laphroaig 10 Islay Single Malt Scotch Whisky paired with an iSonnet, Dusk of Ember.

I FaceTime my parents.

Shelby takes a shower and I sip my whiskey.

We watch Miracle Workers on HBO Max. Shelby orders us some Lotus Vegan. She gets a salad and fresh rolls. I get the Cowboy Burger with fries and hot wings.

We finish season 1 of Miracle Workers and I pour myself another whiskey.

I shower with Bourbon, 2-n-1, Head and Shoulders, Shampoo/Conditioner. I use a bar of soap called Man Bar that smells like Taco Bell's meat seasoning. Then I lather myself with Duke Cannon Buffalo Trace Bourbon Soap and rinse. I then smother myself with body wash: Pomegranate and Mango. After rinsing I rinse my hair. Then I use my Duke Cannon Buffalo Trace Bourbon Plant-Based Beard Wash. I rinse. I dry and comb my red beard with its elegant white streaks.

I put on Axe Apollo Fresh Stick, because they were out of Phoenix.

We start on season 2 of Miracle Workers.

We finish one episode and then I have to go to bed.

And that's it.

That's my day.

That's Saturday, April 9th 2022