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It’ll Never Happen to Me

by Hannah Johnson about a month ago in family

Suicide Awareness and why it matters, even when you think it won’t happen to you.

”It’ll never happen to me.” That’s why I used to tell myself. Until it did. It happened. Suicide happened. To the last person I would have ever expected. That day will be engrained in my memory, and my famiily’s memories, forever. I was driving to CVS, in between petsitting and babysitting jobs. I know what families I was working for that day, I even know what I was going to CVS to buy. Everything after that for the next 12 hours is a blur. I know I went home, I know there was a lot of crying, and I know I was making calls and packing quickly so I could get to Maine. But I was numb. I was trying not to feel anything but feeling everything at the same time. I was heartbroken and in denial and angry. I just wasn’t able to process anything. Because I always told myself “it won’t happen to me.” But it did, and I had to face it head on.

Evan was the happiest person you would ever meet. He went out of his way to help other people, and his mom was his pride and joy. He was always helping my grandparents get things done inside and around their house, and he had such a special bond with my grandfather. His smile was such a light, and he strived to make other people smile. And then is light was gone. No one will ever see his smile again. Because he was dealing with something no one knew about. And now, no one will ever know. And it’s not fair. It’s not fair that he thought he couldn’t talk to anyone about it, that he didn’t want to burden anyone with it. I would have talked to him for hours, and maybe that would have changed everything today.

“It won’t happen to me.” Stop telling yourself that and start taking action to make sure it never happens to you. Talk to your friends. Tell them how much they mean to you. Saying “I love you,” to a friend can go such a long way. Telling someone you’re proud of them for a small task they accomplished can mean the world to them. Commenting that you think someone looks great in a picture they posted can change their mood for the week. Suicide can be prevented. It doesn’t need to be an out if we can just be nicer people. Live like Evan, that’s what I tell myself. If I see someone struggling, I try to help how I can. I try to make people smile. I try to smile a lot. I try to make this world a better place. I try to live like Evan.

People need to stop looking the other way. They need to stop only helping people who show they need help, because it’s the people hiding it who need your help the most. And just be kind. Be kind to everyone you meet.

My inbox is always open. I am always a text or a phone call away. And I will never judge you, because I’ve been there. I used to think that maybe the world would be better off without me. But then I saw what suicide did to my family, and it’s not worth it. I promise you would be missed. You would tear the hearts out of so many people. It’s not worth it. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And trust me, the problem is temporary. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to stay around long enough to see it. It’ll come, and you’ll be so thankful you stuck around.

So stop with the “it’ll never happens to me,” and start taking action. Because if you don’t try, it will happen to you, and no one deserves to live through something like that. Be kind, be open minded, and love the people you meet.

family

Hannah Johnson

On 06/14/2016, my cousin committed suicide, and there were a lot of unanswered questions. After that, I decided that I didn't want to leave anything unanswered, so this page is a place for me to write anything and everything on my mind.

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Hannah Johnson
Read next: The truth about depression.

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