Identity Crisis

Throughout life you pick up tiny bits of wisdom, here and there. Some you disregard, others stick to you like those prickly things that cling to your pants when you walk through the woods. Though you may try, it seems you cannot get rid of them. One of those bits of wisdom that has been clinging to me recently is JUST BE YOURSELF.

Well, here’s the thing, what if yourself is not that great. What if yourself is not the same yourself that you used to be? What if now yourself is super grumpy? What if yourself is a recluse? What if yourself just wants to eat donuts all the time? What if yourself wants to build blanket forts and live there, for the rest of eternity? What if yourself just cannot, ever?

Why is there so much pressure to just be yourself?

What if yourself tells you to toss your desk and bail on work? Or we don’t really need to go to the grocery store. Or clean laundry is a luxury, not a must this week. What do you do when yourself starts interfering with “normal” behaviors and activities? What do you do then?

Some might say, well, yourself sounds clinically depressed. Some might say, get yourself on some meds and hope for the best. Some might say, yourself needs to put on her big girl panties and look at the bright side of life.

There are different schools of thought on this matter. One school says wallow in it. Give yourself permission to feel your feels. Just take the time to move through this cycle. Be patient with yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. And all of that sounds great, but when should that end?

The other school of thought says fake it ‘til you make it, girl. Which essentially is the opposite of JUST BE YOURSELF. This school is a huge fan of the previously mentioned big girl panties. And sure, if you have it in yourself to make that happen, then by all means, go for it. But what if your big girl panties are full of holes and just plain worn out? What if your big girl panties somehow ended up on the side of the road like that random shoe you always see? What if your big girl panties are made of burlap and are just so scratchy and heavy that you cannot, even for one more day, put them on? I guess in these cases, revert back to the philosophy of school #1.

One foot in front of the other. One day at a time. Slowly, but surely, get yourself through this. Clawing your way out of the deep dark hole you have somehow slipped into. And in the meantime, it’s okay to JUST BE YOURSELF.

It’s important, though, to remember the self you were and the self you want to be.

Clawing out of the deep dark hole

So now we have accepted that we are in the hole. It's dark. It’s deep. It’s uncomfortable. We have decided that big girl panties are not an option. So where do we go from here?

Well, do we know how we got here? If we do, awesome, let’s try to deal with why. Find a professional to help guide you through that.

If not, who cares, we are there and that’s all that matters. Sometimes there is no reason. And that is okay. What matters is how to get out. As mentioned before, allow yourself some time to be in this stage. When you are ready to move forward, think about who you were, who you are now, and who you want to be.

Set a goal. Think about the next small step. Remember, one day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Even small goals help. Don’t go crazy with the goals. Expect a little less from yourself at this time. Do less and just be more. Allow yourself the down time.

Compartmentalize. Keep work at work. Keep personal life at home. Try to leave stressful areas where they belong. Don’t allow for the stress to ooze into other parts of your life.

Fantasize. Think about things that make you happy. Think about places you would like to go, things you would like to do, or hobbies you would like to pick up. Fantasize about the future. You can even pull some goals from these fantasies.

Recognize. Recognize what you have and things to be thankful for. Recognize the good inside of you and all the value you provide and give. Yourself can be an abusive, mean, ole’ mother trucker. Watch out for that. Self talk can push you into a deep dark hole faster than a hot knife through butter. That’s real quick, in case you didn’t know.

Be intentional. Think about your time and how you use it. If you decide to spend time with friends, be present and focus on that moment. Intentionally move through your days reserving time for things that bring joy rather than just floating about from one moment to the next, like a dandelion seed on a windy summer day.

Get outside. Just go for a walk. Anywhere. Fresh air and sunshine. Try it.

Don’t forget, you are not alone. Everyone at some point has either been in that same dark hole or will be in the future. It is just part of human life. And it is temporary.

Call a friend. Talk to your doctor. Talk to a stranger. Talk to your dog or maybe even your plants. I hear they like that.

And in the worst of times, with the worst of feels, don’t be afraid to call the professionals.

Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 24-hours a day, 1-800-273-8255.

It can always go up from here.