I Just Need to Let It All Out!

It has been a really bad few weeks. I just feel like the whole world is against me. Nothing is going my way and I feel like I can't cope. No one seems to understand how bad it is getting. I have no one I can really confide it, no one who is willing to give me that kind of attention. I know that sounds selfish, but sometimes that is what you need. Just someone to pay constant attention to you, to make you feel like you matter, and that you are wanted and loved. I mean, I am surrounded by people who love me, but I can't tell them what I'm really feeling. They just don't understand. I just feel like the whole world is passing by and I am in slow motion.

I feel physically sick. I can't breathe and I’m so tired all the time. All I do is cry, on my own, in my room. No one gets how hard it is. I'm really struggling. I try so hard to be positive, but sometimes it just all comes crashing down. Everyone seems to be doing what they want, getting to where they want to be, but I'm still here. I'm stuck in the same routine every day. It is getting more and more exhausting as time goes by. It's like I'm giving up, accepting that this is my life now. I don't want to give up, but I just haven't got the energy.

My whole life I have been told what I can and can't do. I am 25-years-old now, and I am still being controlled by my parents. It just all gets too much. I want my own life, but I can't even get that started without their permission. It feels like they are making everything so much worse for me. They don't get it, though. Mum thinks my mental health problems are only because of work. I have tried to explain to her so many times that there are other things that affect it too, like financial problems, family issues, life in general. Sometimes there is no reason, but that doesn't make any sense to her. There always has to be a blame, and if there isn't then I'm being a drama queen.

I am really struggling to control my emotions. I'm always so angry and frustrated. My first instinct when anything happens is to scream and shout. I hate being like this, because I started the year being so positive, but I am so sick of people walking all over me, treating me like I'm nothing. I have always been so kind to people, but they just take advantage. I’m never important enough for anyone and it really hurts. I am important. No matter what anyone says, we are all important.

Our lives are worth so much, and it's not fair when others put you down just because you are different to them, more talented than them, kinder than them. It's jealousy. They can't stand that I am good at something. I have never been good at much, but I have found something I am really good at, something I really enjoy, but everyone puts me down and says I'm not good enough. I'm better than you, that's for sure.

I will not let anyone take me for a fool any longer. I refuse to be treated badly by anyone. I am finally taking control of my life and I don't care who objects. I want my freedom! I want to live my life! All I want is to be happy!!