I am not going to be manipulated

You kept telling me “I just want to make you feel good”, “let me know when it’s too far”, “just move me hand”, but yet you didn’t listen. I kept moving your hand away from my inner thigh but after each move you kept slipping back. Something just didn’t feel right when you touched me like that. I got cold shivers down my spine even though it was July and 90 degrees outside. I was on the bottom and we were in the back seat of your car, it some sort of grey suv or something, I don’t really know cars. There was little room to move. I was paranoid about people in the parking lot but you were not. The parking lot was in a movie theater so I jumped every time I saw car lights even if they were two isles away and every time I thought I heard a door opened or closed. I did not realize at the time that this was assault. Some people still tell me this wasn’t assault, “it’s not like it was rape”, “he wasn’t really pressuring you to do anything”, because you did allow me to move your hand away and you didn’t “force” anything, I think they’re wrong, you did try to pressure me.

You harassed me that summer and in the fall. I came into college under stress and the feeling of abuse and terror over me. First you started with a clinging type of behavior, the constant “cute” texts. Eventually the got pushy “when can I see you” “how about this day, this one, or this one” even after I said I was busy until I left for school. You still kept trying. We agreed that we would be over in the fall since I was starting over as a freshman in college. It was your fucking idea that I would go off to my freshman year of college single! We had talked about it before even going on our first date since I was hesitant about even entering a short-term relationship. Yet you seemed to have respect for our agreement. You constantly texted me, called me, messaged me through Skype and Facebook. ”Can I visit?” “Why are you treating me like this?” “You would have hated it if your ex had done this to you”. I couldn’t read your essay length messages without feeling that I was horrible or that you were trying to make me hurt. They were all about how I shouldn’t treat you this way, why am I not responding and how all this hurts you. You tried to guilt me into being your friend saying, “you would’ve hated it if Harley had did this to you” bringing in my ex and that relationship and how we had remained talking. I didn’t want you in my life, you made me uncomfortable and after all of the messages, unsafe.

You couldn’t take a hint, no matter how big. I was scared you would come to my school. I actually went to a co-worker that went to my school and said “I am scared he’s going to show up here, what do I do?”. You made it so I had a small panic attack whenever my phone when off since my phone couldn’t block your number.

You stopped trying in October but I panicked through December. And I panicked again last year when you tried to add me on Facebook again saying “I remember you were really cool and I’d like it if we could talk through Facebook or something and be friends, even just online” I blocked you instantly but the panic still remained and the memories still revived.