How To Free Yourself From Unresolved Pain...

Our emotions can sabotage great relationships and great opportunities that is offered to us, usually when we respond in a dramatic way it is due to unprocessed pain that comes from trauma. Life has many trials and tribulations that is handed to us. There are situations and circumstances that will occur that may require us to heal. However, if we are not properly healed, we will not have the emotional intelligence to function in this world with people. Unprocessed pain will cause you to have “trigger points”, anything that is familiar to what has traumatized you will caused you to respond angrily, you will put up a defense mechanism, making it hard for you to be vulnerable and have healthy relationships. Since you’ve never healed, the pain will begin to manifest through your character and personality.

Your trauma will groom how you behave, people will have to walk on egg shells around you, because you will get offended easily. This is how most people will wind up alone, on holidays and birthdays no one will contact them or visit them. Pain that has not been released through therapy will come out through bitterness, pride will cause a person to not have self-awareness. If a person is not aware that they’re pushing people away, or they’re the reason that life is not working in their favor, those types of people will become victim-minded. They will place blame on everyone and will never hold themselves accountable, this is why it is important to heal, do not be a stranger to the hurt that is tugging at your heart.

There are many people who are homeless because they were too bitter to forgive, and when you do not forgive it can lead you to have a bitter heart, nothing good in life happen to people who hearts are in bitterness. Until a person is willing to open their eyes to see that the issues of life come from the hurt that is in their hearts, they will reap what they’re suffering inwardly and it will show outwardly. It is not worth it to miss out on the beauty of life to dwell on things that has already happen. Unfortunately, we can’t go into our pass and undo the trauma and we can’t force a person to give us a sincere apology, many believes that an apology will take away the pain but it does not work that way. It starts with you changing your perspective on the matter and seeing things from a different standpoint. For an example, Let’s say Kelly has a best friend named Jerica, this friendship has lasted five years until Jerica betrays Kelly by defaming her character after an heated argument. Kelly was so hurt and declared that she will never trust anyone ever again. The pain grew stronger in Kelly’s heart towards Jerica, that she started to wish death on her. One day Kelly ran into her ex best friend. The best friend embraced her, and was sincerely apologetic, but Kelley heart was too cold to receive her apology.

Once you allow unforgiveness to reside in your heart it will take therapy, prayer and a support system to help you get through the pain. A mentor or a life coach will be a good option as well, either one can challenge your perspective on the situation. Kelly gets her a life coach because she was ready to start her journey of healing, she begins to tell the coach her story during her session. After listening, the life coach asked Kelly, “Did anything happen in your best friend’s life around the time of the heated argument?”

Kelly mentioned that Jerica has just lost her father and after losing her father she became very depressed and extremely sad, she explained that her best friend isolated herself. The life coach help Kelly see things from a different perspective, by pointing out that perhaps her friend was operating from a place of hurt, although her behavior is not justifiable, she was hurt. The Life Coach points out that the best friend came back and apologize and was genuine and sincere, which shows that the friend was empathetic and held herself accountable for her behavior, which is hard for many people to do.

Kelly was able to see the situation from a different perspective, because she had wise counsel to help challenge her thought in regard to the matter. Kelly is not obligated to allow Jerica back in her life, but forgiving her friend while having compassion in regards to her friend’s lost will give Kelly the ability to heal and move on. Forgiveness is not for the person only, but for you as well, when you forgive, you free yourself from enduring the terrors of bitterness. Even if you do not know the story behind why someone has hurt or offended you, quickly forgive for you own mental and emotional health.

Address your hurt, have people around you that will challenge your perspective on the matter, when you see things from a hurt place it will lead you to a dark place. You deserve to live a life of peace and freedom, do not bound yourself to trauma and past offenses. Always communicate every offense without being confrontational, you want to immediately release after any offense, that way it will not turn into unprocessed pain.