How to Be a Modern Parent

One of the most difficult—and most rewarding—jobs a parent can have is raising a happy, healthy child. Nevertheless, a lot of us don't approach parenting with the same intensity we would a career. Whether or not our parents' parenting methods were successful, we may follow our gut instincts or just adopt their parenting style.

One of the most studied topics in social science is parenting. Experts can assist you no matter your parenting approach, your parenting questions, or your parenting concerns, from preventing your child from contributing to the epidemic of childhood obesity in America to managing behavioral issues.

Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D., offers advice and principles in his book, The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting, based on around 75 years of social scientific study. If you adhere to them, he claims, you can avoid several child behavior issues.

According to Steinberg, a famous professor of psychology at Temple University in Philadelphia, good parenting helps develop traits like empathy, honesty, self-reliance, self-control, kindness, cooperation, and joy. Additionally, it fosters motivation, intellectual curiosity, and the will to succeed. The development of anxiety, sadness, eating disorders, antisocial conduct, and drug and alcohol misuse are also prevented in children with good parenting.

Your children are watching what you do, whether it is your health habits or how you treat other people. Steinberg claims that "this is one of the most significant principles." "Your actions have an impact... Avoid simply responding on the spot. Consider what you want to achieve and whether doing something would help you get there."

Steinberg argues, "It is just not feasible to pamper a child with love." "It is never the case that a child receives too much affection, contrary to what we sometimes believe. It is typically the result of providing a child with things instead of love, such as indulgence, lowered standards, or material possessions."

"Being a committed parent requires effort and time, and it frequently necessitates reevaluating your priorities. It frequently entails forgoing your desires in favor of what your child requires. Be present both physically and psychologically."

Being involved does not entail doing or checking a child's schoolwork. According to Steinberg, "homework is a tool for teachers to know whether the child is learning or not." You're not letting the teacher know what the student is learning if you do the homework, the parent is saying.

Follow your child's development closely. Your youngster is developing. Think about how the child's age is impacting their conduct.

According to Steinberg, "the same need for independence that makes your 3-year-old say 'no' all the time is what's driving him to be toilet trained." Your 13-year-old's intellectual development spurt, which makes her curious and inquisitive in the classroom, also makes her argumentative at the dinner table.

If you don't control your child's conduct when he's small, he'll find it difficult to develop self-control when he becomes older and you're not there. You should always be able to respond to these three inquiries, day or night: What happened to my kid? Who is my child with? What's my kid up to? The rules your child applies to himself will be shaped by the rules he has learned from you.

But as Steinberg points out, you can't micromanage your child. As soon as the child enters middle school, you should step back and let them handle their homework and decisions on their own.

"Setting boundaries enables your youngster to gain self-control. Supporting her independence aids in the development of her sense of self-direction. She's going to require both if she wants to succeed in life."

According to Steinberg, children typically push for independence. "Many parents incorrectly associate their child's independence with disobedience or rebellion. Children demand independence because it is human nature to prefer feeling in control to feeling controlled by others."

"Your actions, not your child's, are to blame if your rules change from day to day in an unpredictably inconsistent manner or if you just sometimes enforce them. Consistency is your most effective disciplinary strategy. Decide what is off limits. Your child will be less inclined to challenge your authority the more it is founded in knowledge rather than strength."

Under any circumstances, parents should never hit their kids, according to Steinberg. Children who have been beaten, spanked, or slapped are more likely to fight with other kids, the author claims. They are more likely to be bullies and to use violence to settle conflicts with other people.

"There are a lot of other, more effective ways to discipline a child, including 'time out,' which do not involve violence,"

He comments, "Good parents have standards they want their child to live up to. "Parents typically over explain to young kids and under explain to teenagers. What is clear to you might not seem clear to a 12-year-old. He lacks your expertise, judgment, and sense of priorities."

Treating your child with respect is the best method to instill respect in them, according to Steinberg. "The same decency that you would extend to anyone else should also be extended to your child. Address him formally. Honor his viewpoint. Pay close attention to everything he says to you. Show him respect. When you can, try to win his favor. Children behave toward others as they would like to be treated. Her relationships with others are built on your relationship with her."

For instance, Steinberg advises parents to avoid making a big deal about eating if their child is a finicky eater. "Food preferences are formed in children. They frequently process them in phases. You don't want to make eating meals a bad experience. Just be careful not to substitute unhealthy foods. They won't eat junk food if you don't keep it around the house."

When children first view themselves via their parents' eyes as neonates, they begin to build a sense of self. Your children are absorbing everything you say and do, including your body language and facial expressions. More than anything else, your words and deeds as a parent have an impact on how they build self-esteem.

Praise for accomplishments, no matter how minor, will make children feel proud; allowing children to complete tasks autonomously will make children feel strong and capable. In contrast, making disparaging remarks or negatively contrasting a youngster with another will make them feel worthless.

Avoid using strong language or inflammatory statements. Just like physical blows, remarks like "What a stupid thing to do!" or "You act more like a baby than your tiny brother!" hurt.

Take cautious how you say things and be kind. Tell your children that even when you don't approve of their behavior, you still love them and understand that everyone makes mistakes.

Have you ever paid any thought to how frequently you react adversely to your children in a single day? You might discover that you criticize much more frequently than you compliment. Even if it was meant well, how would you feel about a manager who gave you so much unfavorable advice?

Instead of repeatedly reprimanding children, it is more effective to praise them when they behave well. For example, "You made your bed without being asked — that's terrific!" or "I was watching you play with your sister and you were very patient."

Make it a point to find something positive to say each day. Be liberal with your praise; your affection, hugs, and compliments can frequently suffice as a reward. You'll soon notice that you are exhibiting more of the behavior you want to see.

Every home needs discipline. Discipline is intended to teach children how to select appropriate behaviors and develop self-control. They may push the boundaries you set for kids, but they require those boundaries to develop into mature, responsible people.

Kids can better comprehend your expectations and learn self-control by following established house rules. A few guidelines might be: no TV until homework is finished; no striking; and no name-calling or unpleasant teasing.

You might wish to set up a system that involves a warning, then punishments like "time outs" or privilege losses. Failure to enforce penalties is a typical error made by parents. Children cannot be punished one day for talking back while being ignored the next. Consistency teaches others what to anticipate.

It can be challenging for parents and children to have a family meal together, let alone spend meaningful time together. However, I doubt anything would appeal to them more. If you want to share breakfast with your child, get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning. If you want to go for a stroll after dinner, leave the dishes in the sink. When kids don't get the attention they seek from their parents, they frequently disobey or act out since they know they'll get caught.

Making plans for family time with their children is rewarding for many parents. Establish a "special night" for your family each week, and let the kids help you plan how to spend the time. Find other ways to communicate; leave a note or something unique in your child's lunchbox.

Teenagers don't seem to require as much of their parents' undivided attention as younger children do. Parents should try to be present when their teen does express a wish to communicate or engage in family activities because there are fewer windows of opportunity for parents and teens to get together. Being present at sporting events, concerts, and other gatherings with your adolescent shows that you care about them and enables you to develop meaningful relationships with them and their friends.

In case you're a working parent, don't feel bad. Kids will remember all of the little things you do, like preparing popcorn, playing games, and window shopping.