How cultural shock nearly lead you to hell / hallucination

To begin with this lived crazy experience, namely real personal story, I need to introduce myself, you can call me Tom. I am living in Hong Kong technically, because I travel a lot recently and have just been back to Hong Kong. I was born in China, but then immigrated to Hong Kong and was raised there. The cultural shock I experienced is a hell, I wish none of you will ever try it.

--"I knew my mum loves me but sometimes she doesn't know which way to raise me is right." --

Immigration towards a developed region is appealing, especially for people originally from a developing country like China. In 1997, we were middle class back then and then the economy falls in 2008. As a primary student, I did not know what to do but daydream and was struggling with the foreign environment that I was not familiar with. I am a mandarin and cantonese native speaker the whole time, so naturally I won't need to worry about language barrier, but I kept asking myself why I still couldn't make friends with people even I had got rid of my mainland accent after settling down in Hong Kong. It would be difficult to explain, but I am going to try my best. I studied MA Philosophy in UK, so I think I am capable of explaining the account at a certain angle, 1) in terms of how cultural shock results in foreign environment to new immigrant and 2) in terms of how the population density affects the people who have ADHD the whole time. The perspectives might not be novel but the way I interprete my lived experience is truly my words.

//-- "What happened?" -- "Mum, I am not happy during these years" -- "Why?" --

"Sometimes your parents just don't fucking know a shit about invisible hand." "Well, I mainly mean psychological damage in this experience."//

1) Typically, a new immigrant will feel isolation and feelings of dependency and helplessness if you keep asking questions like you are a baby. People feel annoyed. By then, you get nervous for desperation of integrating yourself to a certain community so that you can get help and most importantly, you can protection psychologically like a invisible shield. Most of the time, you don't join people to, literally, make friends or hang out with people but to feel confident when you walk around the school. You are like a newbie if you just immigrated here and then you feel like you need a bunch of friends who are protective. Finally, you became an introverted person gradually even if you were extroverted originally simply because you are no longer able to let out a long sigh to express your emotion in front of your friends. ==> You see? You have culture shock now because you have all those symtoms that they talked about in the website: the feelings of dependency and helplessness, being isolated and then you totally change who you truly were to somebody you don't even notice when you stand in front of the mirror. These are the possible consequence when you move to a new foreign environment like China to US, and I believe the case may be similar or even almost equivelant to mainland, China to Hong Kong, China. (I don't want to have arguement about the identity or the politics no more, or please don't provoke any debate here. The topic here is only about lived experience, the lebenswelt of psychological realm.)

"I know I am talking in second person, for I just want to arouse something in common in you." "Because I don't want to talk to myself anymore."

2) Speaking of psychological realm, it is a paramout issue we need to discuss to arouse public awareness. There is the situation of the increasing vacancy of psychiasts for a reason although not so sure that they are helpful, at least they are the groups that care patients because that is the job.

ADHD(Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) is not something you can easily find out in your early age, but can be diagnosed if you go to mental clinician. For those who hadn't found out until their age of 25, which is the age in which most people already developed their brain. The adverse effect of ADHD already affected important part of your life, because you were a quick learner until you are an adult.

ADHD cause you to face attention deficit and encounter the frontation that the symdromes being brought to you. It is literally devastating, torturing you, ripping you without raising attention until you look like crap.

"Oh! Why am I here at the position where I decided to be in the past ? Am I free even people kept telling me I can be whatever I want?"

The trait of dense population is crowd. Whenever you are in a crowded environment, you are easily distracted and you had no idea what was wrong with you, you thought you were weak until you found out the development of your brain is not fairly normal. What should you do? I don't know, because you cannot go back to the past and change things that happened.

If you have a normal life, you would have had a deep sleep with a wonderful dream and you even have a smile at your face when you wake up even if you don't remember any of it or whoever put it in your head when you are asleep.

For me, it turns out I had to be a night guardian to protect my little brother when he went to bed in case any evil get close to my family.

"What a beautiful description for myself -- a night guardian", Why don't I just say I am a batman, maybe I want to be unique and better than batman who had realized he destroyed the city roads after he caught any super vilian. He is no better than a superman.

Being cynical is a wonderful experience, you write poetry and you keep it yourself because you care people's opinion. Care too much so that you don't share to the world. Being cynical is a way to educate yourself, but also a horrible way to find out the bad side of humanity, especially when you gain access to the deep web. (Off topic, sorry.)

Therefore, it is not funny to be cynical or be an owl simply because you cannot sleep with all those noises and certain illusions which people won't hear or sense except you. Eventually, you don't know the boundary between spirit realm and psychological realm. Once you perceive a concept that people made up and that you thought you had no faith in it but you realised you actually believe it because you sensed, saw and heard it. You might think you are crazy, but it is too late because you are an adult now.