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F*ck Approval

You don't need it

By Amanda NicolePublished 2 years ago 3 min read
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F*ck Approval
Photo by s2 art on Unsplash

I'm going to start this story off by admitting something to you: As you know I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years. I never felt good enough for my ex. Even now I'm still seeking approval from those around me, because even 2 years later I still don't feel good enough. I still don't feel like people like me. I still don't feel like I'm doing anything correct. But here's the thing: I'm doing all I know how to do with the resources and knowledge I have. I'm still learning and I will forever be learning. But at the same time I don't feel like I'm doing anything right. But here's something I'm trying to learn: I'm trying to learn that there's only 1 person I need approval from. And this person I've known my entire life, we've been through shit together. We've done some stupid things. We've recovered from some dark shit together. That person knows me better then anyone. That person is me. I have to constantly remember that the only person I need approval from is me. The only person whose opinon of me matters is my own. The only person who knows me well enough is me.

The only person whose going to be there for me 24/7 is me. Now I'm not saying people haven't been there for me. I'm just saying that I have to be there for myself all the time because I can't necessarily expect people to be there 24/7. And that's okay. I don't need approval from every single person I meet. I've certainly thought that over the course of my life, I've certainly had moments where I was heartbroken because one person didn't like me. I used to try and get everyone to be my best friend. I used to need people there for me 24/7. Now I don't. I don't need to talk to someone 24/7. I'm an introvert. I need my alone time. I need space occassionally. But that doesn't mean I won't be there for people that need me. I'll be there for people 24/7 if that's what they need in that moment. I'm sure that we all have moments in our lives where we need people there for us.

I'm also an empath, I feel so deeply about everything. I constantly get afraid that someone is going to be mad at me for one thing or another. I'm also scared of messing up even one thing. But I also need to understand that I'm a human being and I'm going to mess up occassionally. I'm not perfect. We've all done stupid things, we all have regrets and we've all done things we aren't proud of. So I need to learn that i'm not perfect. I certainly try and be a good person. I'm trying to learn that I don't need approval from everyone around me. I'm trying to understand that not everyone is going to like me. And that's okay! I'm not going to like everyone I come accross either. So why would I try to gain approval from someone who isn't going to give it to me? The crazy person in me constantly needs that. I need approval from people that I meet because I didn't have that in my last relationship. Can anyone else relate? Can anyone else understand where I'm coming from? I'm really trying to add to the important conversation about this topic by talking about it. I don't feel like it's talked about enough. We need to bring awareness to topics like this. I hope reading this finds peace for you. I hope you can relate.

coping
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About the Creator

Amanda Nicole

Hey I'm Amanda! I'm a writer, Podcaster and a pet sitter. I'm much more then that! Read my stories to find out :)

https://linktr.ee/gilmorepretty

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