Enter Inner Child

I am a Texan. A pick yourself up by your bootstraps, Texan. I was a strong believer in a strong approach. It wasn't that I lacked empathy. It was more so, that I believed life didn't care, either way about your story. And to some extent this is all true. We have to choose happiness. But how does one do that?

I am a child of divorce. A survivor of extreme emotional and spiritual abuse. A bi-racial woman who was taught, that by very nature of my gender, that I was at a disadvantage. I shut out all softness due to this. I built strong thick walls of sarcasm and stoicism. I have kicked some major ass in this world. I have my bachelors degree. I'm working towards my doctorate in Naturopathic Medicine. I have a very successful HR career. Approved for a mortgage. Rockin' body. All the things. But I wasn't happy.

I realized, that until I loved myself I would never enjoy all the beautiful things I had built for myself. I would never enjoy being with anyone. Yeah, all that jazz. I didn't exactly know where to start. My last serious relationship left me empty. My best friend of 10 years was posting pictures on my ex's couch. I lost my home. I lost me.

Enter Inner Child.

One day, in meditation and prayer, I saw me. Tiny, adorable me. Boy was she upset. She looked at me with accusatory eyes. Eyes that said "you have forgotten me."

I said no way! I am you. I grew up from you, how could I have forgotten you?

She looked at me as if the questions I posed to her were actually mine to answer....and she was right.

I started to really look back and think about the kid I was. I searched for photos of me when I was young. I thought about the friends I had. The things I could recollect, and little by little, my little self healed.

How do you heal little you? I'll give you 4 things I did, that helped me find peace with my past, so I could fully embrace my present and future.

1. Do the things little you liked to do.

When I was a kid, I was outside constantly. It was rare to catch me inside. I had whole conversations, (my dad could attest), and played outside for hours. Just walking around and enjoying nature. After my break up, once I connected the healing dots, I did exactly that. I spent hours on end on hiking trails. I took up kayaking. I started in with photography. And my pain slowly started to fade as I rediscovered the beauty of the natural world. I took pictures like the one below and realized that life really was a gift. The world truly is our play ground.

2. Spend time with the people little you loved to be with...or people just like them.

I made a list of the characteristics of the people I loved most when I was a kid. I'm blessed that many of them are still in my life. Even if they weren't still here, I sought out people who reminded me of them. I prayed for those people. One by one, they started showing up. I read books by people who I thought were like my MawMaw. I watched movies with people like my Nana. I spent more time with my Pops and big brother. I deepened the relationships with all of my siblings because I always loved being with them. I FaceTimed those I couldn't see and saw those I could and I still make time to do so.

3. List out little you's trauma.

Of course this sucked. It won't make you heal over night. There will be crying. There will be anger. You will feel like those events are too painful to go back to. I strongly encourage you to sit IN those emotions. Understand them. Listen to what they have to say. A lot of them tell you, that life's not fair and that you're a victim. It's your job to take that kid in your soul arms and hold them through the pain. Reassure them, that the only thing unfair about life, is that we didn't do anything to be here. So everything after that is a gift. The pain brings you lessons. You are wiser for them. It's not a punishment but rather a preparing for the greatness of your future. You don't get the body you want without workouts that push you. You don't get the life you want without experiences that give you the perspective to enjoy it. I highly recommend sharing this list with someone you trust. I did. Someone who can just listen and maybe hold you. Sometimes you have to hold yourself. I had to for plenty of those moments.

4. Talk to you as a kid.

Ask them what they need. This sounds crazy but what's crazier is you spending another moment of your blessed life unhappy. Many of us are unhappy because, a kid lives in us, who didn't get enough love. As an adult, its your job to finish raising that kid. You have to love them. You have to see your mistakes as exactly that, mistakes. When a kid messes up, we know that it's because they lack the faculties to make a better choice. Understand that your adult mistakes are the exact same. "I should have..." is always a lie. You did what you did, when you did it, because that's all you knew to do. The maturing soul in you can now choose better. Have grace. Children are very forgiving. They don't know how to hold grudges. They lack the capacity to do so because kids are so great at being present. Go back to that present-being mentality. Forgive easily. It's exhausting holding a grudge. The best part about this way of living, is you forgive yourself easier too. You'll find yourself making less serious mistakes. Life gets better when you're more like the little you.

You thought I was done!! I'm throwing in a secret bonus tip on inner child healing.

Spend time with kids. Let them teach you their ways. Let them teach you how to live. They're so much better at life than us. You are loved by very nature of you being here. I need you to be healthy and happy, because you have something this world needs. This world needs you.