Emotions to the Max

I've been described by peers as an extremist. By zodiac as a Gemini and by my therapist as someone who experiences single episodes of depression.

Sounds to me like the first adjective I mentioned, "extremist."

My happiness is comparable to a new couple in the supposed "honeymoon" stage. I fall in complete love with whatever makes me happy. In August, I saw Jill Scott in concert twice. Seeing Jill live was on my bucket list and it finally happened. It was the happiest moment of my 32 years and I talked about it incessantly. It always will and it will never be lived down. For weeks, my Instagram was full of Jill. I changed my profile picture to a photo of me on the way to the Jill Scott concert, and changed every single noise on my phone to a Jill Scott song. See? Extreme.

My sadness is depressing. I lose my appetite along with my will to do much. I walk around the house with slouched shoulders only to use the restroom. I don't want to eat, cook, or even walk.

I had brain surgery and a couple of seizures between 2009-2011 and walking has been a burden to me ever since. I hate admitting that, but it's true. Walking is too difficult that often I'd rather not do it. That feeling magnifies times a thousand when I'm feeling depressed, hence my desire to lie down and do absolutely nothing.

Luckily for me, my ambition is as high as my anxiety can be. Although I may succumb to depression for a week or more, I refuse to lose and usually get back up running and ready to make things happen.

The point of this article is to show that someone can be a logical, optimistic, happy being while having a diagnosis of depression.

Although I'd like to address the negativity I feel an "extremist." Extremely happy. Extremely sad. Simply extremely emotional.

Being able to recognize my emotions leaves many people the option to discredit my depression. Often, I recognize my own depression by symptoms such as an inability to get genuinely happy, loss of appetite, disinterest in doing things (disclaimer: these are my personal symptoms, I'm not claiming them as universal symptoms).

My ability to recognize I'm feeling depressed while I'm feeling depressed gets me discredited. People often tell me to just stop feeling depressed.

To this, I laugh. If it were that easy, there would be no such thing as depression. Actually, people who discredit my depression make me feel alone and more depressed.

Unfortunately, there is no cure for an over emotional extremist. I have been told that I do not need medication for my bouts of depression because they come and go as "single episodes."

I also have high anxiety. Sometimes I get super stressed about something going on in my life and sometimes I am empathic and react to stress in someone else's life (friend or relative.) Often I cannot calm my mind of my anxious thoughts and for that, I am taking medicine: CBD Marijuana. It helps tremendously. I love it as it doesn't make you feel "high" the way that THC does. You can function normally including driving while medicated on CBD. It relaxes me in a way that I forget whatever was on my mind, without realizing it.

In fact, at the moment my mind is NOT at ease. My health is in a scary state and as I stated, I'm scared. I will end this article by saying I've just started chewing CBD gum.