Electrconvulsive Therapy (ECT)

I'll start off by saying that I am BIPOLAR. That being said, I'd like to tell you about my experience with Electroconvulsive Shock therapy or ECT - an approved treatment for most for mental illnesses.

Electrconvulsive Therapy (ECT) or shock therapy was invented in the 1930's. Many of you have probably seen videos from the 1950's where patients are strapped to a hospital bed and their brains zapped by electrical currents. Their bodies seize uncontrollably and foam pours from their mouth.

This was best depicted in the 1975 film, "One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest." The treatment was used as a form of punishment in the movie.

Well, that wasn't my experience with ECT, but damn close. You see, while I didn't shake uncontrollably (they give you muscle relaxers) and foam didn't pour from my mouth, I did have a more serious side effect that I will have to endure for the rest of my life - memory loss.

My psychiatrist was the one who told me about ECT treatments. He told me I am what they call, "medication resistant." This means that most antidepressants and mood disorder meds don't really work for me. I've tried over 20 different types, all without great success. So one day after a bad experience with mania he suggested I try this thing I only knew of through movies - electroconvulsive therapy. He said it had helped over 70% of his patients overcome symptoms of bipolar disorder.

Here's the catch - he also told me that the one of the side effects of ECT is "a little memory loss." What he didn't tell me was that it would be so bad that I would forget where I lived! No joke, after 48 treatments over a span of two years, I forgot my address.

I started with 3 treatments a week for 8 weeks. They were rough. The doctors would put me under general anesthesia. Then they would give me an anti-convulsive so my body wouldn't shake uncontrollably. The only way they would be able to tell I was seizing was when they took off my sock and sawvthat my toes curled. They would put a mouth guard in so I didn't bite through my tongue. After that I would be left to recouparate in a recovery room. I would then go home and sleep the rest of the day.

After 24 treatments I actually felt better. My depression lifted and my mania evaporated. I was cured! Not really. I was just given a year and a half of relief from some of the worst symptoms of my mental illness. But here is the catch; it came at a great cost. Remember the memory loss I told you about? Well, that happened immediately and during my treatments. I lost my long term memory (I don't remember MOST of 2018) and perhaps worst of all, my short term memory as well.

It was so bad that one day I was driving around Orange County, CA, a place I had lived for over 3 decades and I was trying to get home. Only problem was that I had forgotten where home was. No joke, I forgot my address. I had to call my daughter and ask for directions. She thought I was joking, since everyone knows me as a jokester.

After a year and a half of being symptom free, my depression reared its ugly head once again. So after struggling through the darkness for six months, I decided to give ECT another shot. I know what you're thinking - why?

Well, I was desperate. My depression was so bad that I neglected all my responsibilities. I lost my job and I neglected my friends and family. My wife and kids saw what I was going through and supported my decision to go back.

The second go-round went pretty much the same. Treatments followed by more memory loss. This time 2020 was forgotten. I don't recall MOST of what happened to me last year. I don't remember my grandmother passing, my kid graduating from high school, and so on.

I'm better now, symptom free for five months - all at the expense of my memory. Oh, and I forgot to mention my 3 seizures I endured - this time not in a hospital setting. This time I had seizures in my shower, my bedroom, and outside in my front yard. The neurologist told me it was due to my use of the anti depressent, Wellbutrin. My a**. It was due to the ECT's. I'm not a doctor, but you can't tell me that two weeks after my 24th (48 in all) treatment that I seized because of a medication I had been taking for ten years.

Maybe he's right or maybe he's wrong, I don't know, I'm no doctor.

I plan on resuming my treatment once this round of ECT benefits wears off. WHY THE HECK would I do that you may be asking yourself. Well, I'll tell you why. It's because even though I lost most of my memory (some patients don't experience that much memory loss) it's still a better course of action compared to the thoughts of suicide I have when I'm in my throws of depression. The negative side effects of depression and mania that I put my family through are also another reason I want to feel better. And there are other reasons, but those are the main ones.

So, if you have a mental illness, know this - that while ECT treatments worked for me, they may not work for you. If you can put up with memory loss, then maybe speak to a mental health professional about it. See if you're a good candidate for this type of extreme treatment.

Note: I am not endorsing ECT treatments. I am simply telling you MY experience with it.

The End.