drifting away

He had planned this day, this time and this location carefully. It wasn't a spur of the moment thing, most importantly nobody else was directly involved. He didn't want to leave anyone with the trauma or the guilt. This was all down to him and nobody else.

He found the exact spot easily as he had sat there many times. He had watched the tide ebb and flow, the birds call to each other and above all no other people. It was peaceful and tranquil, the perfect place to drift away. To watch the tide move in and to take him away from this world he had begun to despise.

He had begun to live his single life with the confidence to do new stuff, learn new stuff and see new stuff. This had been a good way to pass the free time at first , slowly it lost its allure. Time not working began to drag, then time in work began to drag and then it was everything. He tried at first to drag himself out of the slump, then even that was too much.

Trying to replace his late soulmate had been the hardest, even if he had seen or met someone they were never good enough. His partner, his love, his soulmate was irreplaceable. The spiral had brought him to the place he was now, sitting on the beach waiting for the tide.

His plans had included tide times and he knew how far the tide would come in. He knew not to be so far up the beach that he only got wet and didn't go further. He needed to be in the right place for the water to drag him in. He had rocks behind him, the sand sloped towards the sea and all seemed in place.

He decided to do what he normally did on a beach, stare at the sea and zone out from the world. Normally he would come back to reality as the tide got close to his feet, today of course he wasn't going to move until the sea moved him. His death was hopefully going to be quick but calm and peaceful. He had thought about tying his legs and hands together so he couldn't suddenly fight the tide.

He had decided that whatever happened he wouldn't fight. His favourite photo of his wife was in his pocket, he was mentally at rest. As the tide steadily got closer and closer he kept calm and ready. As the foaming water started to brush his toes his pulse rose but his body stayed un moved. As it started to reach further up his out stretched legs the coldness bit into him, he shivered but his mind was unmoved.

The water started to disturb the sand and passed by him. The water was reaching his waist now and he felt tiny movements. As the water got deeper around him he closed his eyes, waiting. The water eventually didn't recede and he stayed partially submerged. Soon the water started to move his body back and forth against the rock. He relaxed against it and soon the back and forth tipped him over.

The water movement rolled him down the slope towards deeper water. He resisted any movement and kept his arms tight to his side so his movements weren't impaired. The water was deep enough to at first partly support his weight and there was no longer sand supporting any part of him.

He hadn't realised but he had held his breath since he started moving, some subconscious self defence mechanism kicking in. He decided to slowly breath out the final remnants of air and literally go with the flow. He was now far out enough that the waves started to increase, as he opened his mouth to expel the end of his air a series of large his him in quick succession.

Finally he felt his body go under that churning water and didn't feel any movement back towards the surface. This was the end and he had no final regrets, no final thoughts. He opened his eyes for the final time as he felt the water enter his throat, he saw water and faint light above him. His body tried to over ride his brain and to escape the pain.

Slowly the world went black and he simply drifted away.