Dating a Narcissist? Let Me Help

As children, we all dream of the fairytale life. We dream of Prince Charming that’s going to sweep us off of our feet. For innocent souls, we had it all planned out; Dating, marriage, kids, growing old together, etc. But, unfortunately, life doesn’t happen that way for some, and those it does happen to are actually pretty lucky!

A lot of people wear a mask these days to hide who they truly are, and so does “Prince Charming.” When we first meet him/her, they seem like the perfect fit. They put on a good show. Sometimes their act can last longer than it should. They make you believe that they're perfect! There’s fireworks, romance, the sex is amazing; cooking breakfast even starts to become fun. But one day they seem different.

Maybe you did something as simple as misplacing an object, or maybe you got into an argument. Did they just belittle you and make you feel like scum? At the end of the argument, did they throw in the “you can’t leave me, nobody will EVER want you!?” If they did, that’s the first major red flag. This isn’t because they're angry. This is the beginning of a long road you’ll soon wish you would have turned back around. Eventually those worlds will become more impacting than you realize.

So you overlook that incident. Most of us do. You looked past the fact that they just told you you're not good enough for anybody but them. Although in the beginning of the relationship they handed you the “how are you single? Any man/woman would be so lucky to have you!” It’s a little contradicting, isn’t it? After the “I’m so sorry” and the “please forgive me, I’ll never say anything like that again,” life moves forward. A few days later, IT HAPPENS AGAIN! Maybe this time you made plans to go out with a friend, or your parents. Here comes the “Why are you ashamed of me? Do you not love me anymore? You never make time for me, I shouldn’t even be alive.” Yeah, that just happened. So you blow off your plans just to do stuff with them because you're feeling guilty. That’s what they wanted.

Soon, it becomes this way every day. You're getting fussed at for working a double shift, going to the store alone, making plans with friends, etc. They're always making you feel guilty because they weren’t a part of that plan. They don’t want you to spend “your” hard earned money, unless you spend it on them. They don’t want you spending your time anywhere else unless it’s with them, but when you confront them, it’s your fault. You're the monster. You're the piece of trash who will never leave because nobody else will want you. You're the pathetic one who made their life a living hell and that made them that way. It’s all your fault. They are 100% innocent. And guess what, you believed every word, didn’t you? I did.

The time has come to leave, because after so long of the backlashes and hurt, you have finally figured out that you're worth so much more. You're ready! You have your things packed, you've got a place to stay, you’ve got your foot out of the door. Oh wait, you're starting to remember all of those hurtful words that cut deeper than you thought they really did. Who will want me? Will I be lonely? Do people really hate me? Am I going to be a burden? Maybe I’ll just stay a couple more days! And you did. I did.

The days go on, as time starts mixing together. You're losing yourself. You’ve stopped smiling. You don’t look forward to anything. The only thing you want to do is sleep. Why? Because when you're asleep, the world doesn’t matter. Nothing's hurting you, and you're at peace, until you're woken out of a deep sleep just to find out that you did something else wrong! Haven’t you had enough? Aren’t you tired of getting yelled at? Haven’t their words hurt you enough? Haven’t you reached your breaking point yet? I did.

With all of your things unpacked, your clothes everywhere, it’s time. You can buy new clothes, but can you buy a new you? You leave. Wait, what was that? Did you just hear a shotgun cock? You may have. Yes, they did lock themselves in a room with a “loaded” gun. Why? Maybe they had a knife. Maybe they got into their car and said they were going to kill themselves, but they knew that, by doing this, you would stay for just a few moments longer. And you did! I did. You plead with them, beg them to come out. You promise them you’ll stay, you will never leave them. Here they come. Just to let you know—they were never going to hurt themselves. They just wanted you to stay.

Narcissistic people feed off of our weakness. Our weakness is their strength. They suck the life right out of you, and they enjoy doing so, too. But when you find your own strength and find yourself, things change! For yourself. As for them, they will never change. Sometimes it takes longer than it should for some to find their strength, and some find it sooner than others, but regardless of how long it takes you, it’s never too late to start over. Get a new job. Rent a new apartment. Sleep on an air mattress for a few months, if you have to. As long as you are building your own life and making sure that you're OK.

We as humans have only one life to live, and we should take care of that life—take care of ourselves and stop worrying about the well-being of others (relationship wise). We have to make sure that we’re OK and that we need what we need. Life is beautiful, and when you're with someone who drains it out of you, you miss a lot of it. Regardless if your 18 or 65, it’s never to late to move on. Tell your story, help others who are in the same situation. Mine has become my testimony and it has helped several throughout the two years that I have found myself. Life is beautiful, and so are you. Make the best out of it, and never be afraid to move on. Regardless of what has been said, you are worth it.