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covid 19 day 79

my brain hurts

By ASHLEY SMITHPublished 3 years ago 3 min read

I had my test November 30th last year, positive response December 2nd and as of February 18th the bastard is still there. Not a risk to others any more but stuck with tight chest, cough, no energy, insomnia and general exhaustion. I am lucky in some ways that my brilliant partner works from home, I haven't needed hospital and think the risk of getting seriously ill is now low. Still I have had enough, I want my life back.

I once had 6 months off work due to a breakdown and this is now my longest period off work since school. I want to go back as this is one of the first jobs i have enjoyed and of course we need the money. We are hoping for a second chance to get married this year after covid forced a postponement last year.

I had pretty much decided in my head I would get covid not if, it was when it would happen. If you always think the worst you are prepared if it happens and if something good happens then you enjoy it more. What i wasn't expecting was to have the energy of a person whose smoked 100 a day all their lives and lungs to match.

The weirdest part is if I sit still and do nothing i can almost forget, at least until a coughing fit reminds me. My chest feels permanently tight and my lungs constantly hurt, deep breath or big yawns are painful. Doing the washing up or brief shopping makes my arms ache like they have been in a gym session if I walk 100 yards I am panting for air through my mask.

I work in the care industry so have been very aware of covid and the risk for a year. I knew I was at extra risk because of the people I look after and the mix of people I work with. I still didn't worry about it until late in the year as had plenty of other things to worry about. I was working as normal and didn't go out much before. It was only after a colleague went of with covid that I became worried.

A month after she caught it I had it, though timelines say it wasn't off of her. I was expecting 2 weeks of a heavy cold type experience and 3 or 4 weeks at home maximum. In fact I thought I would be back in work for Christmas day. Here I am past Christmas, new year and even valentines and still waiting. Bored stiff and getting poorer by the day, i need this gone. I know I am nowhere near alone but it doesn't help.

I am learning about the tv box sets I usually avoid, about needing at least one nap a day and sometimes two. I am surrounded by things that need doing and things that could do , I just haven't got the strength. These words are hard work but i have put off writing this for a while.

If this is long term I will be unable to work and will be stuck like this. I am sure it will wear off eventually but I don't want to play anymore. I thought I would be taking one for the team, having the infection so someone else didn't have to. If only I knew how long my sacrifice would last.

So if your reading this and thinking covid isn't real or its exaggerated then trust me its not. Covid kills and the vaccine is harmless, the mask will help you stay safe and wash your hands. Wear single use medical gloves and masks just once, the clue is in the name. Please stay safe and be careful, it isnt nice.


About the Creator


England based carer, live with my wife, her parents and 4 cats. will write for all areas but especially mental health and disability. though as stuff for filthy seems popular will try there . any comments, suggestions or requests considered

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