Conversation Sparked A Glimmer Of Light In The Dark

Throughout therapy, the focus was on reframing my experiences. I started to believe there were never any happy times when I was young.

My youngest came back from my mum’s house and asked me about my favourite boots. The beautiful memories flooded forward with an overwhelming feeling of love.

How could I have forgotten my wee red wellies?

I was 5 years old. I fell in love with them the minute I laid eyes on them. They were so red and perfect that I wore them every chance I got. My wee face is so bright and happy. My mum would find me sleeping, my red boots hanging out the bottom of the bed. Whenever she would try to remove them, I would wake up and protest till she put them back on.

Now I live in Scotland so having a good pair of wellington boots is a must. It is beautiful here but also very wet. My wee red boots made puddle jumping one of my favourite things.

Then the Summer came my wee boots had to go away. I made my mum promise not to throw them away. She put them in my wardrobe, I checked them every day. Convinced, by the Winter we would be back together.

It was not to be. My feet grew a shoe size no matter how hard I tried to squish my feet in was no way. I felt like the ugly sisters in Cinderella. I cried for a week, refusing all offers of new boots because they were not MY red boots.

We spoke for a while all the happy times flooded back.

My mum reading to me every night instilled this love of books. Hours upon hours sat on the floor with a stack of books beside me. Never happier than when lost in a book.

Running into my granny’s house on the way to school for treats. Visiting her after school for homemade soup and crusty bread. Singing, all the time drives everyone mad. Especially when I'm in the bathroom for hours. Acting in pretend plays with my brothers entertaining everyone (or so we thought)

Sometimes we get so caught up in the bad that we fail to see the nuggets of good. Despite everything, there are good times if we look hard enough. For all the awful in my childhood and there were horrendous times. There were beautiful moments of joy. Happy times that I forgot along the way.

I am grateful for that conversation with my daughter. Ensured the good memories banished the bad. It makes adjusting the balance within me a little easier. My day is brighter.

She also feels closer to me as we recognise the traits we share. We now take time out together to share our day. I love this time between us as we learn to be vulnerable together.

So today, no matter how bad it is. Take some time to pull a happy memory from the recess of your soul. The negative will always be at the forefront of your mind. Trauma usually is. It is difficult on a bad day to see any good. We tend to focus on what we are trying to fix. When you are down that rabbit hole, comfort and light are hard to find.

Today reminded me that no matter how dark the night. There is a reason we see stars. It is to remind us that there is light in the vast universe. All it takes is for you to focus on the light. Take a chance today. See the light. I promise you won't regret it.