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Cheers, To My Therapist

The Essential Worker I Can't Live Without

By teisha lesheaPublished 3 years ago 6 min read
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Photo From Hello I'm Nik Unsplash

If the quote "expect the unexpected" was a year, it would be 2020. We went from "new year, new me" to where is my mask? Nine months into this pandemic, I am still unwilling to accept the term "new normal." Celebrating birthdays alone isn't normal; standing outside of a grocery store to buy eggs isn't normal. Reminding my three your old niece to place the mask over her nose isn't normal and visiting our grandparents through a screen door isn't normal. That term, to me, means we have given up. I can openly admit that I didn't complete one new year's resolution, and I'm ok with that. This year introduced a ton of surprises politically, socially, and economically. Days tended to run together, and celebrating birthdays was a task within itself. But, one person who stood the test of time and was with me every step of the way through my surgery, COVID anxiety, re-introducing myself, and continuously talking me off the ledge was my therapist.

The Anxiety of The Unknown

During the beginning stages of the pandemic, I felt like my whole world stopped. The image of my year in my head wasn't my reality. At the beginning of the year, I found myself slowly getting out of the house more. As an introvert, my comfort zone prevented me from trying new things and being adventurous. I started to make it a priority to discover what I liked and disliked. If it was enjoying a movie by myself, strolling through the mall, or enjoying a meal, I embraced the solitude my mind and body felt during that time. Although patrons surrounded me at the mall and in the movie theatre, I still enjoyed my peace. During March and April started the COVID conversation. The twenty-four-hour news cycle created a fear-mongering that I allowed in my mental space. Conflicting news reports snowballed into sleepless nights and thoughts about my health. The commute from work to home during that time became redundant. I didn't want to talk to people or even stand outside longer than I needed.

In my mind, once again, I had a laundry list of goals that I wouldn't be able to accomplish. During that time, my therapist reminded me of the things I could control. I do have power over my thoughts. I can think of creative ways to practice my self-care. I can slowly work on other small goals and to build healthier relationships. She provided me a sense of clarity. At that moment, my therapist was adjusting like the rest of us. Waking up on Saturday's to visit, my therapist was one of my many self-care joys. For fifty minutes, the conversation was about my thoughts and dreams. I wasn't distracted with O.P.P (other people's problems). Now to be stuck with only zoom calls was a huge adjustment. My routine shattered in a blink of an eye. During those first few months, Amazon became my best friend. I purchased everything that I needed to give myself a pedicure. I've bought essential oils for my diffuser and purchased costly nail polish that wouldn't chip. Although my pedicures weren't like Samantha's at the spa, it felt perfect for pampering myself.

Cut Me Open Doc

At the beginning of the summer, I've gotten devastating news that I needed carpal tunnel surgery. As a writer, that was the worst news I could ever hear besides staying inside. Last year my doctor diagnosed me, and as time went on, the nerves in my hand started to deteriorate. I had no other option but to get the surgery. For two months, my family took care of my family, which in hindsight seems lovely, but me being self-sufficient all of these years was an adjustment. During that challenging time, my therapist reminded me that asking for help isn't a bad thing. It also doesn't make you look weak and incompetent. I used that time to practice asking for help and not continually challenging myself to do it all by myself. During that time, I gave up control and accepted the benefit of others.

Aha Moment

While recovering, I had a lot of alone time. My world stopped, and I started to the world around me move in slow motion. I celebrated my 34th birthday and a hand wrap. At the beginning of the year, I was confident that I would experience my first solo vacation. While I couldn't hit the town or, better yet, the country like I wanted to, the party came to me. I received phone calls, presents, and cookies my sister baked. During another session with my therapist, she suggested that I don't give up on the plan or the goal. Although I felt powerless, I needed to figure out ways to stay motivated and prepared when the time finally presented itself. After that appointment, I started to make mental notes on my overall goal. Since I couldn't write much, I used voice notes and typed with my right hand. I reminded myself that my overall goal might take time, but the journey builds character. It will happen as long as I'm consistent in reaching my goals one day at a time.

The Transition

This year has taught me a lot about myself. Looking back, I can see my growth in stages, which has led to where I am currently. Letting go of others' expectations of me and finally doing and feeling what I want. Now, my focus is to acknowledge my inner child. As we grow and mature into adults, ' we don't have the time or the mental clarity to pay attention to our inner child. To be the best version of myself, it's pivotal that I take this time to let go of my "childlike role" and start to embrace my adult role. Over the past two years on this wellness journey, I learned that many of my insecurities and bad habits are from childhood. It's essential that every decision I make is from an adult's lens and not a child. Once I allow the child in me to grow up, I will be allowed to live my life on my terms.

I have a lot to be grateful for during this time. I am thankful that my therapist created a space for me to comfort my own home to continue my healing still. She was patient, kind, truthful, honest, and congratulatory on the changes I've made thus far. She's always allowed me to dictate my healing and never lead me astray. She's stayed calm during our technical difficulties and patient when I went over my fifty-minute mark. Without her, I don't think I would have such a significant turnaround time on my healing and growth.

I'd love to get more connected with my readers! Follow me on my socials

Instagram (Personal): teisha.leshea

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About the Creator

teisha leshea

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