Bipolar disorder

what a world and the minds we share.

Being bipolar is horrid and there’s so much mysticism and mixed realities. Being bipolar brings loss of consciousness, understanding complex emotions, being able to feel and understand what has someone gone through in the past through stories and mass empathy. it’s a scary place it’s like a whole other realm of hurtful but blissful thoughts and moods. Confusion is a big fluctuate I deal with and try to overcome. I hurt those who love me without realizing what’s happening to me.

As it progresses in scarcity and survival of not losing yourself. becomes vast and lonely: more of alienation and disgust with oneself. Everytime I look into the mirror I don’t see, hear, nor feel how I feel inside myself. Having this illness has taught me more about life and human connection than no other, but with that knowledge comes a curse of being that person everyone loves and wants to care for, but taking care and loving someone like me is a risk. I want to fuel something more than just letting this ego driven mind and enlightened soul run free. I’m Trying to tame the beast of the “unknown” and it feels extraterrestrial and as if I’m being manipulated and being controlled of an outside being of my own.

Love, desire, despair, sacrifice, consistency, pain, torture, controlled. These are the main aspects of entering a universe of emotional matter being destroyed and recreated by a being. Having this illness makes one suffer, go through life fighting to be human again, to be whole. I have conducted many research within this field of mental health and experiencing it hands on to better myself and an understanding for the world and this life. I’m only 18 and more knowledgeable of my own existence. I experienced or understood what was happening to me at the age of 10. in spite of the loss of my father and deceased with 5 children with beautiful minds and hearts.

I feel their hearts and my fathers soul coursing through their veins. What I understood at a young age was horrifying especially when in my soul something inside of my heart and mind expanded in consciousness. Growing up I was fed a lot of lies, conspiracy’s about my past and my family’s. I’m born in Albuquerque New Mexico where struggle and fighting to Siri I’ve is tactical. A beautiful state with beautiful souls. growing up here with all the struggle and hardships shaped me and the father figure I want to offer to my family and friends.

I hope this short message or my short story can intrigue you to look into this darker side of mental health and bring more research and hope for those who suffer as I do. It gets worse as you age so understand any mistakes isn’t you’re fault. It’s a growth process and it’s a war within your enlightenment and ego ruining what u have planned. You got this: because this is the next step for those to live a happy life. With my self diegnosis and a family history of bipolar and mental illnesses I’m conducting my life as a study with no clinical help such as meds.

I want to show people that being born with this suffering bliss can be used to an advantage of never letting go. Understand you have to never let go, never let go... the cure is coming to a conclusion of how to maintain insanity and make it sane. Let music, art, exprsssion, love, pain, confusion be more of a healer than being controlled by your second soul. take control.... take control and let go when u can’t hold on any longer.

The grief processes are longer, mania and manic episodes can longade through weeks to even a year. Understand your chaos is your peace and your order is your life’s circumstance. Live free and run wild like a child lost in a different world. Understand this life will never give you the right answers so might as well conduct your own be your own cure, let your moods be who u are and to never ever run away, and Let your mind be your mirror.

Love,

Alejandro Bojorquez