Are You Gaslighting Yourself During Recovery?

Most of us are familiar with the term “gaslighting.” It refers to the psychological manipulation that someone may use to cause another person to doubt themselves, to confuse their thinking. Well, imagine if you actually gaslight yourself. While that sounds silly at first, when you think about it self-gaslighting is a pretty common phenomenon.

When we gaslight ourselves we sow a sense of confusion in our own minds by basically lying to ourselves. When we do this while in addiction recovery, it can have disastrous effects. We may attempt to convince ourselves of a myriad of mistruths that actually undermine recovery and threaten sobriety.

One of the most integral aspects of a successful recovery depends on remaining honest and true with yourself. Learn how self-gaslighting can so easily happen, and how to set your mind straight.

5 Signs You are Gaslighting Yourself

When we think of gaslighting we usually picture a scenario where a toxic relationship feeds on sowing feelings of self-doubt in the victim. By keeping the victim off balance through gaslighting—causing them to question their own mental health—the offender gains control.

In the context of addiction recovery, that offender is the disease itself.

The disease taunts you, stirs up doubt, and lies to you in order to suck you back in to the vortex of active addiction. By having an awareness of the wily ways of that foe you will be better prepared. Here are some signs that you are being gaslighted by yourself when the disease is attempting to take control:

1. You tell yourself you can handle just one [beer, drink, hit…]. This is one of the most common signs of self-deception, when you entertain that little voice that tells you it’s okay to have just one. Buying into this lie has led to many a relapse.

2. You don’t really need to go to meetings anymore. In the first year or two of recovery you truly do need peer support. If in early recovery you try to convince yourself that you no longer need sober support, it is just you gaslighting yourself.

3. It’s okay to hang out with the old gang now and then. Self-deception is usually sparked by emotions. You may miss your old addict friends. You may feel lonely. You may even romanticize the good ole days. But buying into the idea that you can hang out with people who actively use or drink is only asking for trouble.

4. Telling yourself you are fine when you’re not. Not being honest with yourself in recovery opens the door to potential relapse. Acknowledging feelings of ambivalence or a growing lack of commitment to recovery is highly uncomfortable. But lying to yourself when this is the case is a slippery slope.

5. I need [the substance] to help with my anxiety. In recovery there will be bumps in the road, stressful events that disturb mental health. But convincing yourself that you need to manage the problem with a substance is a convenient lie that will only make both problems worse.

In recovery, our own minds are sometimes the biggest hindrance to maintaining sobriety. When we sow mental dissonance with mistruths we only put our recovery in jeopardy. Being familiar with these common self-gaslighting tendencies can prepare you to do battle. Now, learn some ways to do just that.

5 Ways to Combat Self-Gaslighting

When navigating the barrage of self-deceiving thoughts that come and go in recovery, it is helpful to have some handy coping strategies. The very first thing to do is to recognize that you are self-gaslighting, that the disease is rearing its ugly head by trying to rationalize addict responses. Once you get your head straight then proceed with these tools:

1. Get to a meeting/call your sponsor. When gaslighting strikes, get to a meeting. Just being in a supportive environment will help you quiet the false self-talk and ground you in your recovery goals. If you have a sponsor, this is the perfect time to reach out. Allow someone with plenty of experience dealing with self-gaslighting guide you through to the other side.

2. See your therapist. Regular outpatient therapy sessions provide an outlet for communicating concerns, emotions, or recent struggles that can then be worked through. Therapy obtained in both individual and group settings is optimal for accessing maximum therapeutic support during the recovery process.

3. Distract yourself. If you find your mind trying to play tricks on you, try distracting yourself by activity. Get outside for a brisk walk or a run, meet up with a sober friend, or engage in a favorite hobby or pastime. The idea is to ride it out and override the false messaging in your head.

4. Get productive. It isn’t a coincidence that gaslighting yourself often occurs when you are bored or lonely. Nip the mental confusion in the bud by getting busy with a project. Whether it is repainting the living room or helping out at the local food pantry, doing something productive will help you overcome the lies in your head.

5. Practice self-care. Managing stress through such practices as yoga, meditation, mindfulness, journaling, deep breathing techniques, and massage therapy can help you relax. Self-care will also benefit sleep quality, another important aspect of wellness that can assist in avoiding a relapse.

The challenges that are bound to come your way can come from outside triggers or internal triggers, such as self-gaslighting. Being aware of this very common occurrence can help arm you with actionable steps to take to quiet the self-deceiving thoughts and stay strong in your recovery.

About the Author

Patty Bell is the Family Relations Manager and Interventionist of Capo By The Sea, a luxury addiction and dual diagnosis treatment program located in South Orange County, California. After her own successful experience with the recovery process and journey, Patty decided to join Capo and its unique program that individualizes each client’s specific treatment needs. Patty's passion to share her own positive experience with others, while being a living example of the freedom found in recovery, is what motivates her to guide clients toward their own stable, long-term recovery.