Are you also worried about your body shape?

In the new episode of the talk show, Yan Yiyanyue said about the topic of body anxiety. When I said this, I really felt a pain in my heart. I think that I really fell for a long time. I've been losing weight for a while, but that's when I started to fall for a long time. It may be that my mental state is not very good, so I often binge eat, and then my living habits and temperament are intermittent, and I often close myself. Because I'm fat, I don't want to go out, and I don't want to meet familiar people. Because they all say the same thing, "Why are you so fat right now." And then I thought they were putting me down as a depraved person. Of course, I may indeed be depraved. I don't want to meet people, I don't want to make new friends, and I have low self-esteem. So I'm more self-sacrificing and fatter. Repeatedly in this cycle.

I have had two periods of deliberate weight loss, and at that time, losing weight was a very simple thing for me. The first time I graduated high school, I signed up for a gym. At that time, there was only that small gym in our small town, and many of my high school classmates were in it. Also, I was very cheerful and made new friends. I go to the gym almost every day, and I have fun training and playing. During that summer vacation, I dropped from 108 to 95 pounds. But after I started school and went to school, I didn't have the concept of keeping my body and controlling my diet. When I went home for the New Year in the first semester, I gained 112 pounds. But I was still a happy little girl and I realized I had to lose weight. Crazy search for other people's weight loss cases on station B. During Chinese New Year, I controlled my diet and practiced beautiful ballet in bed. When I went to school, I was 106. I lost 6 pounds during the Chinese New Year, and I am very happy. At the beginning of school, I also controlled my diet. I distributed almost all the pistachios and snacks sent to me by my parents. The pistachios are eaten one a day. And I got a four-year fitness card at the school as soon as I gritted my teeth. Start exercising. Go to the gym to start losing weight, and control your diet and exercise with a little sister in a bedroom. Everything was counting calories back then, and I couldn't take it any longer. But a friend of mine in high school told me to check out the official account "Lotte Slimming". Eat whatever you want, don't suppress yourself, slowly change your living habits, eat well, it will be better. I gave up the method of calculating calories at that time, and changed it to eat whatever I wanted, but I would not eat when I was not hungry, and I ate small bites, which was easy to be full. At that time, by April, I was almost 100 pounds. Later, when I went out to sketch, I have always been the same weight. It lasted a whole April. In May, June, I forgot how I started, I started to eat very little, I kept telling myself that I wanted to save time and I wanted to learn English. At that time, I was going to take the CET-4 test. My English was poor, so I was very anxious. I almost eat lunch and dinner casually. Then save time learning. Then one time, I started to learn a light fast online. For a week, I had half a dragon fruit in the morning, half a dragon fruit at noon, and an apple around 4 o'clock in the afternoon. This continued for a week, and I went from about 96 to 91 pounds. Having tasted this sweetness, I began to fast lightly, sometimes eating an apple a day. And always eat salads or sandwiches that are self-righteous and healthy. At that time, my stomach became very small. Even a chicken leg was too much for me to finish. I could eat a bibimbap for half a day and only eat a little bit. By the end of the semester, I had lost 86 pounds.

Later, I went to support teaching in July, and I ate three meals normally. The other students were all a big bowl, and I was a small rice bowl. The first thing I did when I went back to the dorm after I finished teaching was to weigh myself, and I didn't gain a pound. Although I ate all three meals normally, I was so tired, and I hardly ever had any snacks. Later, in August, I went to Shenzhen to play with friends and ate a lot of high-calorie foods. When I went back to school in September, it rose to 92 pounds. But at the time, my mentality was fine. I just thought it would be fine to eat three meals a day, eat less, and exercise more. But I started to lose weight in a particularly unhealthy way. I always felt that being hungry was the fastest way to lose weight.

Later, probably because I suppressed myself for a long time, it broke out. I started binge eating for a long time. My weight started skyrocketing, along with anxiety, sleeplessness, suicidal thoughts, depression, etc. This period of time has really been particularly difficult, and it even affects the present. After two years of binge eating, my mental state has improved a lot, but I still sometimes can't control myself, I still have gluttony, I still have anxiety and so on. I also want to lose weight countless times, because maybe in my aesthetic, thin is better than fat. Thin people can wear better-looking clothes, and any clothes you buy online will look good on them. And when I was fat, while I longed to be thin, I developed more disgust with myself, and then more self-sabotage. I know it's not good, but it's hard for me to get out of this deformed world. I want to be thin. For me, maybe no one is forcing me, but I want to wear that nice little dress, I want to be more beautiful, and I want to be confident. It seems that for me, being beautiful is equal to self-confidence, and self-confidence can give me everything. Otherwise, I'll just laugh at myself while under the quilt and fall into depravity. But now I want to tell myself, and I want to be right, I can read this article and tell my little sister who has the same idea. In fact, thinness doesn't seem to be everything. Being thin may just be an accessory to our healthy life and having a good attitude. When I was trying to lose weight, I kept getting into this magic hole of thinness. All I can see is food, exercise, skinny people. Even I didn't even know what I was doing for two years in college. Now that I'm a senior, I still don't know what I'm doing. I don't seem to know anything. Nothing is of interest. But I just forgot what I liked. I used to like dancing very much, but I didn't dance anymore; I really wanted to learn English, but I didn't stick to it; I chose the major that I dreamed of when I was a child, and I almost every I didn’t listen carefully to every class; I started to like to shoot videos, and I accumulated a lot of material but I didn’t cut it; I wanted to take the postgraduate entrance examination before, but now I see that many students are working hard, but I don’t. I really don't know what the hell I've done, and I'm so sorry for the hours I've lost. I'm slowly learning now that there are far more beautiful things in this world than being thin. I prefer to study hard; I prefer to play with friends and be happy together; I should focus on the things I like very much, and really do what I want to do. Adjust your mentality and live a more regular and healthy life. And it doesn't mean that you need to be thin to look good. I can learn makeup again, put some thought into dressing, and try to change my hairstyle. When you live an active life like this, maybe thinness will come naturally. It's not that we have everything because we are thin, we have everything.