Anxiety-The Second Time Around

I was diagnosed with clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder in my early 20s. I’d been dealing with the aftermath of trauma and then infidelity in my long term relationship sent me over the edge.

Well, medication helped, it came and went and did its job. Yet the memories of those times stayed with me and I grew older always wondering if a panic attack was around the corner or if I’d wake again in that cloud of depression.

Fast forward 20 years and here I am, with anxiety again, for a variety of reasons. But there it is, that familiar heart race, the impending doom, the breathing exercises, the bad dreams and the tears that fall when you least expect it.

But now I am toying with either choosing the medication route again or perhaps trying alternative methods.

I lean toward the latter.

I am curious to see if something else works and this is just my opinion for myself. I advocate for medication if and when it is necessary for myself or anyone.

So, acupuncture was my therapist’s suggestion, but i don’t know, needles? All over my body...what if there’s an earthquake? Ok that’s far fetched but can you sense my fear?

I bet it works but it’ll take me a minute to research and wrap my head around it and better to do something that doesn’t scare me and will just make me more anxious anyway right?

I am leaning toward regular massage which is always relaxing. Yet doesn’t that always feel like a luxury? Massages are what you get on a beach in Aruba with a friend or on a cruise where you splurged for the spa package while your kid is busy playing in the game room with the teen group.

But massages on a regular basis, am I the Queen?

Why do I feel like I don’t deserve, no-require a monthly spa trip for a necessary massage?

Yes, I think that is my choice. Bring it on. Because all life’s problems should be solved by some stranger pounding away at your muscles until they’re jelly.

Yes bring on the jelly.

Meditation was the next suggestion and this I tried. I meditated in the only private place I could find, at home, in the bathroom.

I sat and listened to the soothing voice lull me into a place far in my mind that was almost a nap but not really, or at least it shouldn’t have been.

I will try it again though to make sure.

My point is mental health is not easy. It comes and it goes, it’s difficult some days, manageable others, and we really and truly have to care for ourselves. We must do this for survival, so we can make it to the next day, to the child that needs us, to the family that awaits and for ourselves too.

I have all these hobbies too...and I suggest these and many more, whatever you need for you. Here are mine...

Make candles, check.

Build little dollhouse rooms, check.

Bake, check.

And finally...

Find vintage hardcover fiction novels and take aesthetic photos for social media-

uh...sure, i mean check!

My point is, do whatever you need to, to get through it because no one knows better than you about your own experience with how difficult and challenging mental health can be.

Let’s give ourselves a break when we can, and let absolutely no one judge how you choose to do that.

Sending love ❤️