Almost a Psychopath, Enter the Malignant Narcissist

Malignant narcissism is the darker, more sinister subtype of narcissistic personality disorder. Ruthless, aggressive, exploitive, sadistic, and without remorse.

A toxic combination of narcissistic, antisocial, paranoid, and sadistic personality disorder traits, and just a step below psychopathy, makes these individuals extremely dangerous.

Traits

Narcissists do not consider nor care about others. They are pathologically selfish, lack empathy, and live in a world of entitlement. Malignant narcissists are essentially grandiose pathological narcissists on the extreme end of the spectrum.

Antisocial personalities do not care about society, ethics, or laws. They play dirty, sabotage others, and will go to any means to get what they want. Full of entitlement, they behave recklessly, impulsively; even criminally. They disregard others, cause pain, grief, and hardship, without any sense of guilt or remorse.

Paranoid personalities essentially hate the world; they believe everyone is out to get them. They are extremely suspicious and full of mistrust. In malignant narcissism, this presents as projection- the narcissist believes others to be driven by the same self-serving motivations as themselves.

A sadist derives pleasure from inflicting physical, mental, or emotional torture. They have no emotional empathy. They enjoy being evil and cruel, as does the malignant narcissist. It makes them feel powerful.

Malignant Narcissism

The combination of elements of these personality disorders is what classifies malignant narcissism. Malignant narcissists thirst for domination and control. They are morally empty, pathological liars, devoid of conscience.

Malignant narcissism was first described by social psychologist Erich Fromm as “a severe mental sickness” representing “the quintessence of evil.”

Psychoanalyst Edith Weigart concluded that malignant narcissism is a “regressive escape from frustration by distortion and denial of reality.”

Whereas psychoanalyst Herbert Rosenfeld saw it as “a disturbing form of narcissistic personality where grandiosity is built around aggression and the destructive aspects of the self become idealized.”

Malignant narcissists are extremely dangerous, destructive, parasitic creatures.

Aggressively waging war against others, their disordered minds are a siege for all enemies, real or perceived. Malignant narcissists create and escalate hostile situations. Leaving behind a long list of enemies and relationships turned sour.

My experience

In my personal experience having had a relationship with a malignant narcissist, the abuse was perverse; physically, mentally, and emotionally. All narcissists use, abuse, and discard people when they are done with them. Then they hoover the victim back into their web of lies, disappointment, and more abuse.

Malignant narcissists are more notorious for stalking. My ex would let me know he was doing this- he would tell me he could see me in my living room window. I would find empty pints of his cheap vodka outside under my stairs.

Another time he hid beside my neighbor’s garage as I was walking home with my daughter and a platonic male friend. My friend said he saw someone standing beside the garage next door, looking creepy. I said it must be the neighbor; he’s always outside.

But it wasn’t. My ex came out of the darkness and started a physical fight with my friend. I ran into my house with my child and locked the door. I was afraid of him.

He was a true Jekyll and Hyde.

Several times he started horrific fights with me while I was driving; aggressively screaming at me; relentlessly. He would not back down, for either of our safety. I’d be a nervous wreck, shaking, begging him to be quiet so I could drive.

When I couldn’t bear it anymore, I pulled over, grabbed my keys, got out, left my car there, and started walking down the busy street to get to safety; somewhere public where I could find or call a friend.

There was a really bad energy when he would get like this that shook my nervous system. When he would just want to fight, blaming me for I-didn’t-even-know-what created his horrific outburst. And there was nothing I could do to defuse the situation.

He started a terrible fight at his house, screaming in my face, physically hitting me, dragging me around until I had dreadlocks in my hair, and I was in shock. When I got up and went to leave, he stole my purse, and my keys, and essentially kept me hostage; not letting me leave! I’d be crying, screaming “why are you doing this?!” And he’d scream, “because you’re crazy!” What.in.the.fuck.

I went through a myriad of situations for several years too many. Each time we got back together, the duration of time before a blowout got shorter. And I became more hopeless, depressed, and trauma-bonded.

He actually seemed more gleeful than ever. He enjoyed my grief. It was like he was sucking the literal life out of me. I was afraid he would kill me or I would kill myself.

I knew I was being abused. I knew I could not count on him. But my mind was in knots by this time. I desperately wanted things to be different than they were. I was in fantasy land.

My wake-up call was the night he came over, started a battle royale, trashed my house, and the neighbor’s called the police. He was gone before the cops got to my house. When they arrived, they assumed I was mentally ill because I could not speak clearly or sensibly, I was shaking, eyes wide, pupils dilated, and the house was a wreck. When they spoke with him, he said he had not been there that night. Furthering the belief that I was mentally ill.

My road to restoring myself & sanity

I wound up in therapy for a year. I was blessed to have an excellent therapist who could see through what I had yet to understand; he was a narcissist. From that moment on, everything began to make sense. She educated me about narcissistic abuse, boundaries, the gray rock method, no contact, everything. My eyes were wide open once I recognized this to be my reality.

I was narcissistically abused. I wasn’t mentally ill. I wasn’t a bad person or a scorned woman. He was deliberately inflicting this nightmare on me. Because I naively let it happen.

While I was falling apart, he was laughing it up. He had become my puppet master. And he enjoyed every bit of his diabolical quest. Nightmare is an understatement for narcissistic abuse; especially if the narc is a malignant narcissist. There’s no cure for this type of monster, so I encourage people not to waste their time and not sacrifice themself for this subhuman.

Awareness is pertinent to avoid these creatures. You have to know they are out there in order to avoid them or at least figure it out more quickly than I did.

I am committed to sharing my stories, and to helping others who may be going through a similar situation before it is too late. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to step out of the darkness, one foot at a time.

No contact is the necessary recourse. Get out as soon as possible. Save yourself. Rekindle your own light. You do not have to live in their darkness. Life is still waiting for you, I promise it gets better.