All the Feels

Classic January waffle

What is this urge we have talking about New Year’s intentions in the first days of January? It is one month into 2021 and I wonder how many resolutions you have been able to keep up with before realising that they don’t really do the job.

We relentlessly try to change, introduce new habits, learn new things to adapt to healthier patterns but what if none of this can really sink in because all it does is camouflage all the stuff we shove into the depths of our subconscious cellar (that dark place with all the secrets, the shame, the guilt, the limiting beliefs, and traumatic experiences)?

Disconnected there are always excuses to look the other way, not able to or not wanting to deal with the true problems.

We literally receive sugary pills to deal with the symptoms of something that is in motion inside of us.

I’m not crying - you’re crying!

Trust me on this. I was a pro at hoarding emotional baggage in my dungeon for 15 years. Today I know that this was a defense mechanism to help protect myself from reliving the consecutive, unfortunate traumas that occurred for the 15 years prior to that.

From a very young age, we are taught to suppress our feelings. If you are a boy you should not cry, toughen up, be a man, don’t embarrass yourself. Girls are told to not be dramatic, always be polite, and suck it up, just to name a few. As we finally become more diverse and fluid in genders and sexuality - guess what! Yup! More baggage for the basement!

As we get older our belief systems and intuition are so messed up, because we have become experts at distracting ourselves from the true emotions we carry inside. We built armor and thick heavy walls around our hearts.

Each time we are confronted with a situation that could provoke conflict inside of us we remember how we are taught to keep ourselves safe by avoiding the pain. We become silent, rigid, and often don’t know how to set boundaries. Sometimes we even set them too quickly, so that people can’t get close to us at all.

Mirror Mirror

COVID-19 has magnified a lot of the feelings trapped inside of us because there are less diverse distractions. Unfortunately, this means that all the stuff we usually repress resurfaces much faster and we lash out quicker. Extensive studies like the one from the Center for Global Development and the UN have shown that the numbers of domestic violence cases have drastically increased since the outbreak of the pandemic last year. It was much easier to avoid tensions or built-up emotions, keeping busy away from our homes, focussing on other tasks when things crept up that wanted to be dealt with.

Because ultimately this is how our body is trying to communicate with us when pain emerges. “Hey, Human. Listen to me, you shoved this really painful emotion down here, what am I supposed to do with it?” and you just answer: “Shut up and don’t ever ask me again” and so it festers and builds and is mixed into this cocktail of feelings locked in for ages and ages.

Let’s talk Trauma

What happens is that these unprocessed emotions don’t just live there happily ever after. No. They actually attack us from the inside, making us ill and unable to cope with difficult situations without wanting to fight, flight, or freeze - ring a bell? Yes, our body does remember, and surprise surprise these feelings will not go away even if we do 100 push-ups a day, eat nothing but vegan keto stews for a month, run away to sunny Bali and save all the stray dogs (yes this was a personal projection).

Every single one of us experiences trauma in different forms. Trauma happens when we are facing difficult situations, which we are not equipped to digest and therefore leave us in a shocked state. Here parts of our cells were so disturbed that they froze into place trapping all the emotions that were provoked in that precise moment. Each time something reminds us consciously or unconsciously of that event,those frozen parts get activated. What the body is trying to do here is release this trapped emotion by giving us the chance to live that moment out this time. To complete the cycle of that experience. And let go.

This is where we find ourselves stuck repeating patterns, keep making the same mistakes, and blaming other people, our work, our partners, our friends. We believe that if we worked out more and became really fit we would somehow make up for the insecurities we have within us. Or getting that promotion is going to make you much more satisfied because you now earn more money and it doesn’t really even matter if your hours quadruple because there is nothing else to do anyway, right? - Wrong. Because we are not really sitting with the feelings that provoke these insecurities nor do we let ourselves understand where they truly come from.

All the Feels

So for you to find true transformation this year do just this one thing and allow your emotions to come up out of that dark, miserable cellar without pushing them away. They want to be validated and honored just like all the positive feelings too. Don’t categorise them into good feelings or bad feelings. They are just feelings and they want to be felt and acknowledged, without forcing change.

Here is how you can tap into this. Give yourself some privacy to sit or lay in a comfortable position. You can even put on some music and see what emotions are coming up for you. It’s important that you don’t try to analyse or intellectualise these sensations. Just let them be. Breathe through it.

Sometimes a little prompt can help, like asking yourself how am I doing? How am I really feeling today? What was hard? Where was I being judged, where did I judge? And see what comes up.

Please make sure you seek support if these emotions become too overwhelming, especially if traumas resurface.

And when you feel ready to release any feelings that are particularly triggering make sure you hold that space for them and honour them, as they are most likely from a difficult experience you had in your childhood. Let these feelings out, allow yourself to be immersed in them and if you can embody it through releasing with tears or even movement, then give yourself permission to do that as well. Whatever happens, love yourself through it with compassion. Those feelings are there for a reason. You might have been grieving for a long time. Can you show up for yourself and comfort yourself with the understanding that those moments represented a really hard time for you?

Flirting with my truth

I lived with depression and anxiety for over 15 years before I finally discovered that “just” talking to a counsellor about my symptoms or taking pills to suppress them, were not the right choices for me personally. We are multidimensional beings with active minds, incredibly intelligent beings who store a lot of knowledge and wisdom, a soul and energy. Only when I integrated all these sides into my healing did I notice the lasting transformation.

It all starts with acknowledging our emotions and letting them free.

So, how are you feeling?

This where the party at

The Guesthouse - Rumi

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

Big Love,

Cassie