Alcoholic

I was born in a town called Natick, MA. I remember my grandmother would come over for lunch when we lived there. When I was four years old we moved a couple towns over to Holliston and that was a few houses away from my grandparents house. When my brother and sister were younger we spent a lot of time over there. As we got older I would spend quite a bit of time with my grandmother. One of my favorite things was going to the movies with her. Any movie she wanted to see she would ask me if I wanted to go. If I could I would. Family dinners almost every week were the best. We would go on vacations together have weekend getaways. The first vacation I went on with my Grandma to Cape Cod was supposed to be just me and her however my Grandfather came too which ended up being the best vacation of my childhood. My grandma gave me her old camera and showed me how to use it. Learning all of the features of the fully manual Nikon not sure of the exact model.

As I got older I felt like I didn't fit in with other people. I was uncomfortable around others with the exception of my family. I had friends but none I would spend time with outside of school or work. The friends I chose to associate with were not always the best people. Abusers, users and the like. The good friends I did have I really didn't want to spend time with.

I never skipped school until I had 4 months left of my senior year of high school. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd and we would meet in the parking lot and take off or we would go to lunch and leave and not go back. We would go somewhere and smoke pot or just hang out at one of their houses. But if we could get pot we would smoke. I was doing that at least once a week. Eventually I would get caught and lose car privileges or something to that effect. I ended up deciding to drop out because of anxiety. There was a teacher who believed in me and worked out a deal for me to graduate as long as I went for tutoring and finished English class. I graduated. Once high school was done I stopped seeing those friends.

My first girlfriend would lose control of a situation and break up with me for no reason, call me the next day and say she didn't mean it. Eventually she started hitting me and putting her hands around my neck. I was so depressed at this point in my life I just did not care. It got to the point where she would not allow me to see anyone else. One Sunday in June it may have been father's day. I wanted to spend the day with my family and she got so angry at me that she started screaming at me over the phone, I said that the conversation was over and hung up. She then proceeded to call and leave messages on the answering machine at my parents that day. The relationship however continued for a few more weeks.

I met this guy in my tenth grade year and we became friendly when a mutual friend started being mean to the both of us. We became the best of friends. We would go to the movies. We would have pay per view night for fights and wrestling, or we would rent a couple movies. We would meet up and go for walks late at night talk about girls we liked. Together we discussed writing a screenplay we never came up with an idea for it. We would roughhouse sure, I am not sure when however it stopped being playful fun and just an attack on me. My wife and I met while I was still friends with this guy and witnessed some abuse. I kept in touch with him until the end of my first semester of college two months before my son was born.

When my son was born, I cutoff from most other people. There were a few good friends but it was mostly family. I finished my first year of school and did pretty well I think I had a b average. Starting my second year I started to struggle first semester I did ok, second I barely passed. I went back for a third year and that is when I lost it, less than a month into the semester my Grandparents tragically passed away in a car accident. I fell behind, stopped going to class, started to drink ended up dropping the semester. I went back for another semester I believe I went to 2 weeks of class and dropped out completely.

My drinking started out just getting drunk here and there less than a 10 times before my grandparents passed. Once that happened I started drinking heavily not everyday but enough. Eventually it became a daily habit. I could not stop. I had told people I had a problem at work and they would say your not that bad. However at home it was a battle for my wife and son. I would get out of work and head to the liquor store, start drinking before my son would get home from school. I worked part time so I could get our son to appointments and lessons. I would be drunk driving with him to the appointment and go get more by the time we got back home I would be in a blackout eventually passing out. I came to a point where I started stealing or borrowing money without the intent to repay it. At some point I started blowing off friends and family making plans and not showing up or just not answering the phone. I did not want people around. I wanted to be alone. Even when I was around I wasn't there for the people I love.

On November 23, 2018 I called my sister and made plans for November 30. At some point before that my parents invited me over for a family dinner on Dec 2, I said I couldn't make it. On the 30th we met and she said it was Mom and Dads 40th anniversary and that I should change my mind and go. I had my plan to get good and drunk I did not want to for any reason change that plan. So December 1st comes along and my wife leaves for work and I head out for the liquor store get my stuff. My friend walks up to my door with a bottle and we drink, he leaves shortly after. I run out of my stuff and have to get more so I go get more that is the last thing I remember of that day. I woke up Dec 2, 2018 to a fight with my wife for drinking and being passed out in bed and not getting up for her. I spend all day in bed and I haven't picked up alcohol since.

I started going to AA meetings, I got a sponsor he brought me through the twelve steps. I have learned a lot about myself and how much pain I caused others. I have made amends for wrongs I caused. I have made mistakes in sobriety and owned up. I have made new friends that would do anything for me if I ask. I have tried to help other people. I have taken commitments. I got a new job.

Before I got sober my wife wanted to move out, now we are talking about moving to a new home together. Not to say that my life is perfect. It is far from. I still have trouble with my emotions from time to time. I was pushing people away and not talking to people. When I realized what was going on it was not too late for me. I am lucky. I am here for people today. I do my best One Day At a Time. Keep Coming.